As we began getting ready for bed, I started to smell something. Smoke, maybe? I looked out the window and yelled, "The dumpster is on fire!!!!!" Oh lawzy, the neighbors were going to LOVE this!!! I was REALLY hoping they wouldn't see us! We scrambled around for a crazy minute trying to decide what to do. The boys and Rodney ran to the alley and I ran to the backyard to grab the water hose. They threw open the lid and I stood in the back yard on the deck of the pool, hose in hand, shooting water over the fence and into the dumpster. It was a bit like the Beverly Hillbillies Celebrate Independence Day. It was quite a sight! (Sure am glad we didn't leave them in the back of the truck though!) I laugh every time I remember that scene.
Do you ever feel like your life is a bit of a dumpster fire? Things are just a hot mess and you can't seem to get a grip on it? You run around in a panic trying to figure out how to put the flames out, but the proverbial hose in your hand just doesn't seem to be working? Boy, sometimes I do. There are seasons where nothing seems to work, things aren't what I hoped they'd be, and life is hot, hot, hot! The fire can be all kinds of things - worry, fear, anxiety, family problems, money problems, or even something that you just can't put your finger on. You feel consumed by the flames of what you are going through and a little voice in your head whispers, "Nothing to see here" as others pass by and you hope no one will notice the fire.
My biggest dumpster fire of the day is The Nuisance (Cancer) and all the sparks it sends out into other areas of my life. We recently had our consultation with my surgeon following the Tumor Board's review of my case at MD Anderson. There is some good news and some not-so-good news. The good news is that the board does believe surgery is an option for me right now. We are grateful for that! We know that surgery is really the only way you get rid of cancer. Chemo and Radiation help manage and reduce, but it doesn't usually get rid of it on its own. And chemo is some tough stuff. We are so grateful that surgery is a possibility. Even if it is a tough one.
The bad news is that the spot we treated with radiation in 2018 appears to have grown. That spot is a lymph node. (Which is a whole other story I will tell you soon!) That was a curveball. The lymph node is near my carotid artery, heart, and other important veins and arteries. If it is The Nuisance, we won't have time to watch and see like we can with the other spots. We will need to do surgery now. The other spark of that fire is that right now COVID protocols would not allow anyone to be at the hospital in Houston with me. That would stink worse than smoldering trash! Surgery will be a thoracotomy which is where they go through my ribs in the back and will remove the lining from my lung, scrape my diaphragm, and grab any visible spots they can see throughout my chest. Those flames are pretty hot, but God is bigger!
The first step to dealing with this fire is heading to Houston for a biopsy to see what is going on in the lymph node. We need to determine if the spot is active or if this is just the ashes and embers of the old flame. If it is Nuisance then we sound the alarm and are on the fast track to surgery. If it isn't, prayerfully, then we will be looking at surgery in the future but can wait a little while to see if COVID protocols change to allow me not to be alone.
Today I was reading about a fire that happened once upon a time. There was this guy who was out tending to some of his farm animals. Out in the pasture with no one but his sheep, he noticed a fire in the distance. He decided to go check it out. As he got closer he could tell it was a bush fire, but the strangest thing was that the bush was not being burned up. Curiosity piqued, he went closer. As he did, he heard a voice come from the bush. Now that is different. The voice said, "I have seen and heard you and I am concerned for you! I am going to rescue you. I am God". (Paraphrased version- check out Exodus 3 for the full details.) The man was obviously taken back and at that moment the entire direction of his life was changed. In the past when I have read that story, I have always focused on the man and the message, but today I was drawn to the bush. The bush was on fire, but not consumed. It had the purpose of drawing the man, Moses, to God.
It made me think about the fires we experience in life again. When those flames of trial lick our lives it can be classified as a dumpster fire OR a burning bush. It is a matter of perspective, choice, and faith. A dumpster fire is going to be consuming; it will incinerate, melt, and destroy everything it touches. It is going to really stink, and it serves very little purpose. It will burn us up!
But a burning bush is different. It serves as an invitation to draw closer to God in order to hear his love for us, his concern for our circumstances, and his desire to rescue us. The burning bush may still be hot, but it will not consume us. It doesn't scorch our hearts and reduce our lives to ash. In fact, there is something beautiful about it. A burning bush has purpose.
Trial by fire is a guarantee in this life. There is no insurance, no flame retardant, no smoke alarm that will keep us from it, BUT we can choose how we respond. We can be a Dumpster Fire or a Burning Bush. One will consume, destroy, and stink to high heaven and the other will withstand the flames, draw us to God, and allow us to experience a little heaven in the midst of the smoke.
When the spark of heartache becomes a blaze hardship and threatens to burn you alive what will you be? Dumpster Fire or Burning Bush? (Be a Bush!!!!!!)
Love ya! Mean it!
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