Dumpster Fire or Burning Bush?

It had been such a fun night! My family was coming home from an evening of cooking out, swimming, and popping fireworks with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. (Man, I miss those days of family gatherings!) The back of the pickup truck contained the carcasses of Roman Candles, Sparklers, fountains, and artillery shells. We pulled up to the dumpster to unload the firework remains in the dumpster and headed inside with visions of pyrotechnics in our heads.

As we began getting ready for bed, I started to smell something. Smoke, maybe? I looked out the window and yelled, "The dumpster is on fire!!!!!" Oh lawzy, the neighbors were going to LOVE this!!! I was REALLY hoping they wouldn't see us! We scrambled around for a crazy minute trying to decide what to do. The boys and Rodney ran to the alley and I ran to the backyard to grab the water hose. They threw open the lid and I stood in the back yard on the deck of the pool, hose in hand, shooting water over the fence and into the dumpster. It was a bit like the Beverly Hillbillies Celebrate Independence Day. It was quite a sight! (Sure am glad we didn't leave them in the back of the truck though!) I laugh every time I remember that scene. 

Do you ever feel like your life is a bit of a dumpster fire? Things are just a hot mess and you can't seem to get a grip on it? You run around in a panic trying to figure out how to put the flames out, but the proverbial hose in your hand just doesn't seem to be working? Boy, sometimes I do. There are seasons where nothing seems to work, things aren't what I hoped they'd be, and life is hot, hot, hot!  The fire can be all kinds of things - worry, fear, anxiety, family problems, money problems, or even something that you just can't put your finger on. You feel consumed by the flames of what you are going through and a little voice in your head whispers, "Nothing to see here" as others pass by and you hope no one will notice the fire.

My biggest dumpster fire of the day is The Nuisance (Cancer) and all the sparks it sends out into other areas of my life. We recently had our consultation with my surgeon following the Tumor Board's review of my case at MD Anderson. There is some good news and some not-so-good news. The good news is that the board does believe surgery is an option for me right now. We are grateful for that! We know that surgery is really the only way you get rid of cancer. Chemo and Radiation help manage and reduce, but it doesn't usually get rid of it on its own. And chemo is some tough stuff. We are so grateful that surgery is a possibility. Even if it is a tough one. 

The bad news is that the spot we treated with radiation in 2018 appears to have grown. That spot is a lymph node. (Which is a whole other story I will tell you soon!) That was a curveball. The lymph node is near my carotid artery, heart, and other important veins and arteries. If it is The Nuisance, we won't have time to watch and see like we can with the other spots. We will need to do surgery now. The other spark of that fire is that right now COVID protocols would not allow anyone to be at the hospital in Houston with me. That would stink worse than smoldering trash! Surgery will be a thoracotomy which is where they go through my ribs in the back and will remove the lining from my lung, scrape my diaphragm, and grab any visible spots they can see throughout my chest. Those flames are pretty hot, but God is bigger!

The first step to dealing with this fire is heading to Houston for a biopsy to see what is going on in the lymph node. We need to determine if the spot is active or if this is just the ashes and embers of the old flame. If it is Nuisance then we sound the alarm and are on the fast track to surgery. If it isn't, prayerfully, then we will be looking at surgery in the future but can wait a little while to see if COVID protocols change to allow me not to be alone. 

Today I was reading about a fire that happened once upon a time. There was this guy who was out tending to some of his farm animals. Out in the pasture with no one but his sheep, he noticed a fire in the distance. He decided to go check it out. As he got closer he could tell it was a bush fire, but the strangest thing was that the bush was not being burned up. Curiosity piqued, he went closer. As he did, he heard a voice come from the bush. Now that is different. The voice said, "I have seen and heard you and I am concerned for you! I am going to rescue you. I am God". (Paraphrased version- check out Exodus 3 for the full details.) The man was obviously taken back and at that moment the entire direction of his life was changed. In the past when I have read that story, I have always focused on the man and the message, but today I was drawn to the bush. The bush was on fire, but not consumed. It had the purpose of drawing the man, Moses, to God. 

It made me think about the fires we experience in life again. When those flames of trial lick our lives it can be classified as a dumpster fire OR a burning bush. It is a matter of perspective, choice, and faith. A dumpster fire is going to be consuming; it will incinerate, melt, and destroy everything it touches. It is going to really stink, and it serves very little purpose. It will burn us up!

But a burning bush is different. It serves as an invitation to draw closer to God in order to hear his love for us, his concern for our circumstances, and his desire to rescue us. The burning bush may still be hot, but it will not consume us. It doesn't scorch our hearts and reduce our lives to ash. In fact, there is something beautiful about it. A burning bush has purpose. 

Trial by fire is a guarantee in this life. There is no insurance, no flame retardant, no smoke alarm that will keep us from it, BUT we can choose how we respond. We can be a Dumpster Fire or a Burning Bush. One will consume, destroy, and stink to high heaven and the other will withstand the flames, draw us to God, and allow us to experience a little heaven in the midst of the smoke.

When the spark of heartache becomes a blaze hardship and threatens to burn you alive what will you be? Dumpster Fire or Burning Bush? (Be a Bush!!!!!!)

Love ya! Mean it!

The Shrinky Dink Effect

Do you remember Shrinky Dinks? Maybe I am dating myself, but as a kid, I loved them! They were sheets of plastic with blackline images printed on them. You colored in the images with colored pencils, cut them out, and placed them on a cookie sheet. You placed them in the oven, and the heat would cause them to curl up and shrink down in size. When the process was complete, you were left with a small, hardened version of the image you had put in.

Have you ever seen the Shrinky Dink Effect in real life? I think it happens sometimes. A person is put into the oven of life. Something takes place that really turns up the heat. As a result, that person begins to shrivel up and harden. Just a small reflection of who they once were. It makes me wonder how we can go through a trial by fire and avoid curling up and becoming hardened by the Shrinky Dink Effect?

I think of other substances that go through fire and come out better. Take glass, for instance. Made from sand and ash, these substances become something new under extreme heat. They shift from dry particles to something that is moldable. Add the breath of a glass smith, and the molten glass begins to take on a new form. With skilled movements, the glassblower transforms the blob into something beautiful and useful.

It is the breath and the skilled hands of the glass smith that make all the difference. It reminds me of Genesis 2:7. "Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature."  When we find ourselves in the oven of life, we can choose to be like the shrinky dink and curl up and harden, or we can choose to place ourselves in the hands of the glass smith - the one who can turn us into something new with his breath and form us into something beautiful with his hands.  This requires an act of submission and focus. I have found that when I focus on myself and the flames, I become curled up and hardened. But as soon as I place myself in the hands of the master, I find the flames, while hot and painful, serve a purpose in my life that WILL BE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL.

My sweet friend, I wish that I could tell you that you won't face the heat, but 2020-2021 is certainly demonstrating how untrue that is. What I can tell you is that you can choose how you come out on the other side. What would you prefer? Hard and shriveled or transformed and beautiful? Stay focused on yourself and the flames, and I can guarantee that your heart will shrivel. Put yourself in God's hands, and you will be okay! (Trust me, I have tested him many times on this!) 

So maybe that goes against your nature, and you don't know where to start. As a control freak who thought (okay, sometimes still does) for so long that I could fix things on my own, I have a few suggestions. 

First, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight."  Proverbs 3:5  Why can you trust him? Because he has GOOD plans for you. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. 

Then, keep your eyes focused on him. Read your bible. Pray. Hang out with people who encourage you in your faith. Go to church. Sing some worship music. The moment your eyes shift, you will feel the Shrinky Dink effect. Remember Peter in Matthew 14: 22-33 when he was walking on water? The second he shifted his eyes from Jesus to the waves, he began to sink (which rhymes with shrink!). Keep those eyes steady!

Finally, let him do his work in you. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God." Romans 8:28 When you submit yourself into his hands, you allow him to take the bad and turn it for good. That is what he wants.

May the only Shrinky Dink Effect you will experience in life takes place while you are crafting! You were meant to become something beautiful!

Feeling Off Balance? A Little Y.O.G.A. Lesson for the Soul

Recently I have taken up Yoga. With all the craziness in the world adding in a bit of calm seemed like a pretty good plan! I have downward dogged, cat-cowed, and happy babied myself into thinking this is something I can really get into. A little breathing, a little stretching, a bit of strengthening, and a dash of balance. I can handle that!  I was feeling pretty good about myself. That is until Standing Tree Pose…with my arms overhead…and my eyes closed. That was the kicker. As long as I could keep my eyes focused ahead I was AWESOME!!!  Okay, I was decent, but at least I was upright and not wobbling all over the place. But the second I had to close my eyes, BOOM, the earthquake hit, I started falling and the Tree Pose became more of a rolling boulder. Yes, a beautiful sight to behold. Not very zen!

How many times a day does that happen to you? You’re focused, you’re balanced, and then BOOM the wheels fly off and you find yourself drowning in a sea of chaos. 2020 and its step-sister 2021 are the perfect pictures of that! How in the world are we supposed to stay balanced and peaceful in a world gone crazy? And boy, do I mean crazy!!! The answer is yoga. No, not the practice. The acronym. (Okay, so I just made this up, but stick with me here. It works!). Want peace and calm to rule your heart? Do Y.O.G.A.- You Only Gaze Ahead.

Disaster happens when we lose focus and start looking to the left and the right or when we squeeze our eyes shut and get lost in our own heads (yep, that can be the badlands). We have to remember that perfect peace is straight ahead! Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” I see two parts to that verse. First, we have to be steadfast (focused) and second, we have to trust God. If I am focusing on God, but don’t really trust him to care for me I will wobble. If I trust Him, but keep my focus on the chaos I miss out on all He has to offer. 

Peace comes when we focus on the one who is in control instead of focusing on the world around us. Colossians 3:2 says, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Think about the last time you were thrown off balance by anxiety or fear. My bet is you were focused on earthly things-- politics, social media, news, and other people. Those things CANNOT bring you the peace and balance you are seeking. 

So follow me for a little Y.O.G.A. lesson straight from God’s Word. I want you to breathe deeply with me as you read these words that were written just for you!

Breathe in. “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” Breathe out.

Breathe in. “Pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body”. Breathe out.

Breathe in. “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. “ Breathe out.

Breathe in. “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear...but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Breathe out.

Life is crazy. God is not. The world is chaotic. God is peace. Do your Y.O.G.A. each day -- if You ONLY Gaze Ahead you will discover the peace you crave and the balance that you desire. No downward dog needed!

Be Like Toby

You do not have to know me for two minutes before you know that I am a sunshine girl. All. Day. Long. I seriously mourn the shortening of days, desperately dread dark seasons, and anxiously await the warmth of the sun on my skin. It is amazing to me how closely my life force seems to be tied to that warm light. It may be a little crazy, but it is medicinal for me. If you were to scroll through my phone you would see pictures of sunrises and sunsets, of sun pouring through trees and lighting up fields of sunflowers. It delights me.  My Mimi always said no matter how bad you feel you need to get outside and get some sunshine every day. Maybe she is the source of my genetic predisposition. I love the light! (P.S. It is 86 days until the time changes back. WOOT WOOT!!!!)

I suppose that in some ways we all share that trait -- a desire for warm, bright days. We love the days where the bills are paid, the family is well, the job is going smoothly, all is right in the world. There are no clouds in our proverbial sky, no storms on the horizon of life, and we want those days to be n-i-i-i-i-i-i-c-c-e-e-e- and l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n-n-n-n-n-g-g-g-g-g like a warm summer day. BUT, just like that time change that I hate so much, life is filled with seasons of darkness-- you know, like 2020?!?! The bills aren't paid and you have no idea how they will be. The kids are quarantined for the third time and the cabin fever is strong. Work is, well, let's just say that the Tilt-a-Whirl at Joyland doesn't shake you up NEARLY as much as trying to function in a COVID world. You miss your family. You miss your friends, and for goodness sake, you miss your favorite Mexican Food Restaurant!!! It is dark. It is depressing. And it seems - like it -will last -FOREVER!!! We just want that light back. 

I have to admit I have been wrestling some darkness this week. Lately, it seems like it rains the whole time we are at MD Anderson in Houston making us have to stay indoors. As small as this seems it has a big impact on my coping mechanisms. The news we have been getting has been heavy, too. It feels very dark. The path ahead seems like a poorly lit, seldom traveled path in a heavily wooded forest inhabited by wolves. I can't see ahead, I can't get my bearings, and I have felt a little lost. I hate these moments when I don't have clarity. Ugh.

Today I asked you guys to pray for me and some telehealth appointments. In my last two visits with the surgeon, he has given the strong impression that surgery isn't a great option right now which leaves us with chemo or a trial. I have felt a little trapped and cornered in a dark, dark room. As I joined the call today I noticed that I had a message in my MD Anderson chart. My appointment had changed from the surgeon to his nurse practitioner. Disappointment. Dark. As she joined the call she explained that my doctor's mother had fallen and he had to leave quickly, but that they had reviewed my case this morning and she could share what he was thinking. She began to say that he believes that the progression means we need to consider resection. Wait, what? I thought that wasn't an option?! She shared that there actually may be several options there. I felt it-- a little bit of warmth. She began to describe them to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a glimmer of light begin to flicker and a little hope begin to bubble. To make a long story short he will be taking my case to the multi-disciplinary board in January. They will talk through the options to determine the best approach. All of the sudden my heart lifted and it was like the sun began to rise a little just revealing a new turn in the path. And that, my dear friends, is the way life works. Just about the time that you think it can't get much darker a light breaks through from an unexpected place. You just have to have your eyes open to see it!

I know that some of you are sitting right there in a dark corner. Your own version of the nuisance has you feeling trapped. Open your eyes and wait with expectation. The time will change again. The light will break through the clouds. The darkness doesn't last forever (it just feels like it). 

As for me? There are lots of unknowns ahead and I still can't see that stinking path, but I do feel a little light breaking through. I was sharing with my friend Beth how I was feeling about that and she sent me this picture of her dog Toby. 

She said, "He searches for any sliver of light. Darkness all around and he rests in the light." 

What a perfect picture of how we should live. The Bible says, "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5  Sometimes we feel like the darkness is totally winning, but it CANNOT overcome the light. And that light is Jesus. John 8:12 says, "Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  Okay, I am following!

So here is my plan. I am going to continue to pray for clarity to know each step I should take (if I cross your mind will you pray that for me, too?)  I am going to keep my eyes wide open so I don't miss the light. I am going to be like Toby and find that warm bright spot in the darkness and then I am going to rest in it. Care to join me? I'll scoot over for you!

Love ya! Mean it!💗

The Greased Up Slip-and-Slide in Six Inch Heels

 I have a cruel confession. I have this really bad character flaw. I am sorry if you have ever fallen victim to it, but I just can't seem to help myself. When I see someone fall, I just cannot control myself. I find it to be one of the funniest things in the world. Now I am not talking about spiritual falls or failures or anything like that. I am not heartless.  I am talking about the good ole fashion, can't get your feet back under yourself, you might just pull something kind of falls. I know I am not alone-- after all, Funniest Home Videos had a million seasons packed with falls that we all busted a stitch over. 

Slipping is possibly one of my favorite genres of falls. A good slip can seem to last forever and certainly pulls in all of the body as one flails desperately trying to recover. It makes me snicker just to think about it. 

This morning I was reading scripture about that very thing. Psalm 94:18 says, "When I said, "My foot is slipping, your unfailing love, Lord, supported me." As a student of falling, a mental picture came to my mind. I imagined how it looks when someone is learning to skate. Legs are going every direction, arms are swinging wildly, but if you are lucky you have someone who is firm on their feet to help keep you steady. I began to think about times in my life when I have mentally, emotionally, or spiritually felt like I was slipping. In times like these, it is natural to seek something firm to hold onto. Something that can help us regain our balance. And God, in His unfailing love, is happy to support us. Our perspective can seem that a fall is imminent and in those times we long for strong and steady support.

The idea of slipping caught my attention and I began to look for other verses that address that concept.  I soon found one that painted a different perspective. Psalm 121:3 says, "He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber." In the first verse, the author calls out he is slipping and then the Lord supported him. In the second we are told that God does not let our foot slip to begin with--- that he is constantly watching over us-- to the point of never sleeping, never taking his eyes off us. I don't think these verses contradict each other regarding God. I think they point out differences in our vantage point and God's.

There are times in life that I feel I am slipping completely out of control. I am desperately trying to regain my balance and find something to save me then I call to God for support. But from God's point of view, he has me firmly in his hand all along. Like a Father supporting a child, he begins to catch me before I even know I am slipping. From my viewpoint, I am certain I am going to bust it. From his, He is certain I will not. He has me. He never takes his eyes off me. Remember how out of control it felt when we learned to skate? Legs going in every direction, bodies pitching back and forth, hearts racing as we anticipated the fall--- but our parents were steadily holding us up. That is just what God does.

I love the thought of that. I am grateful that when I feel I am slipping that he supports me, but I am even more grateful to think of the fact that he is preparing to support me before the ground beneath me even begins to become slick. How cool is that?!

The past month (okay, maybe six) I feel like I have been on one long and slippery slope. I have become exhausted from  thrashing around trying to recover my balance. At times I have felt like I was skidding across a greased up slip-and-slide in six inch heels just looking for something to grab onto. What a relief to be reminded that He will not let me fall!

Just Say Thank You

Do you ever have those weeks when the weight of our last five months of craziness seems to suddenly become overwhelmingly heavy? You think you have been managing, balancing, and dealing with it all so well, and then suddenly, you realize you aren't sleeping well, your heart is beating a little faster than usual, your energy seems zapped, and your mind cannot seem to be still --ever. Your stress, the stress of those around you, and the lack of an end in sight have suddenly gone from 211 degrees to 212. Boiling. Who am I kidding? We have ALL felt it. It is the current human condition.

It has been that way for me this week. We lost my sweet uncle this week, and we were unable to have the traditional healing gatherings to love one another through. While we know his future and his security, we couldn't deal with our own emotions in the usual ways. That felt very heavy. Sometimes it hasn't been my own breaking under stress but the breaking of those around me that was heavy- their frustration, their hurt, their pain, their anxiety spilling over. That felt very heavy. My prayer list of those around me seems to be growing longer by the day with the trials of people I love. That makes my heart feel heavy. And then there is the Nuisance- always just kind of slinking around in the background looking for weak moments of opportunity to remind me it exists. That can feel very heavy.

I found myself in a negative loop. Running through the burdens of the day. Replaying conversations in a way that wasn't helpful. Beating myself up for things that didn't go as I wished. Worrying about things lying ahead. 3:00 each morning seemed to be an alarm clock for the doubt, the worry, the frustration, the regret, and the sorrow. And then as I lay there eyes-wide-open, stuck in the replay of gloom, a phrase popped up in my head. Just Say Thank You. So I did. I said thank you for my family. Thank you for my uncle. Thank you for my memories. Thank you for my husband and children. Thank you for my job. Thank you for my co-workers. Thank you for the kind person in the hall. Thank you for laughter. Thank you for my boss. Thank you for prayer. Thank you for that text. Thank you for grace. Thank you for forgiveness. Thank you for...and I drifted off to sleep.

The next day the worry returned. Just say thank you. So I did. Thank you for sunshine. Thank you for dragonflies. Thank you for my pond and fish. Thank you for technology that has made the impossible possible. Thank you for health. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for my church. Thank you for leaders who are having to carry so much. Thank you for that answered prayer... and the worry disappeared.

I have been playing that game for a few days now. I have gotten down to some pretty simple things to be thankful for- the weight of the blanket on my bed, the feel of the grass on my feet, the warmth of the coffee in my cup, the soreness in my legs from being able to work out. When a negative thought pops up, I am replacing it with thanks. 

You see, we cannot control what life gives out. The loss, the struggles, the unknowns, the unfairness, but we can choose how we will receive it. Our human nature is to perseverate on the negative, but the beauty of our minds is the freedom of choice to not remain there. I am sad for the loss of my uncle. Thank you for the memories and the love we shared. Thank you for the gift of salvation. I am worried about the future of my health. Thank you that today I feel so strong. Emotions are really high in the world. Thank you for all of the kind and encouraging ones. I am worried for the burdens of people I care about. Thank you for hope and prayer. 

As I was writing this I suddenly had a memory from childhood. Before going places my mom would always run down the checklist of manners. One of her reminders would often be about being offered food we didn't like. Her advice was, "Just say thank you". Just because it was on our plate didn't mean we had to eat it, but the attitude of gratefulness would make the experience better for everyone. Pretty good advice there, Mama! So this week if things get put on your plate that you do not like, join me in remembering the advice of our moms. You don't have to swallow it. Just say thank you! When you find your gratitude you will find your joy!

My To Be List

I have a confession. I am a list maker. For me there is great satisfaction in creating my daily to-do list and marking things off. I have to admit, there are times I have already completed a task but go ahead and put it on my list just to reinforce the feeling of accomplishment when I can mark it off. Sick mind, right? I will own that one.

This week I was challenged with a new thought about lists. I was participating in a training in which I was encouraged to create a life purpose statement. This statement was to be a summary of my mission--a phrase that should guide my decisions about all the various areas of my life. Whatever I chose as my mission guides how I live, how I love, how I work, and how I invest my time, money, and efforts.

 I thought about it, wrote a few things on my list, scratched those off and thought a little more. I finally settled on one--one I have known since I was a little girl. My life purpose is to love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength and with all my mind; and to love my neighbor as myself (Luke 10:27). That is my mission. It is what must drive every word that comes from my mouth, every action that I take, every thought that I have. Once I settled on my statement, it was time to reflect on how that statement impacts my family, my work, my friends, my budget, my service. It was then that my view on lists took a shift. I busily create To-Do lists each day, but what really deserves my time and attention is a To-BE list. What do I aspire To-BE each day? If I love God, how must I BE in my family, at my work, with my investments and gifts? If I love my neighbor, how must I BE when I see needs, how must I BE in how I interact with others?

Here is the a-ha for me. My TO-BE list is much more important than a To-do list. True joy comes from being able to mark off that list. So I am developing a new habit. My TO-BE list has to drive my to-do list. That is the way to accomplish my purpose.

So what is your mission? Do you have a to-do list driving you today? How about adding one more thing to it? To-Do:  Create a TO-BE list.  Let's check that box off together!

Two Directions

This week I was reminded once again that life is really about the way you choose to look at things. I woke up early to head to work.  I rushed to my car juggling coffee and my smoothie, threw the vehicle into gear, and headed out. I dashed to the corner, braked at the stop sign, and quickly looked first to the left, then to the right. It was then, when I was forced to slow down and look around me, that I saw it. To the left the sky was dark and dreary. Rain clouds hung heavy in the air, host to thunder and bolts of lightning. The clouds held the threat of what might be, the potential storm ahead, the foreboding of rough weather. To the right was a stunning sunrise. Beams burst from their hiding place among the clouds. It truly was breathtaking. It held hope for a new day, beauty of fresh starts, promise of warmth and sunshine.

As a stop sign forced me to be still, I suddenly was reminded that  life is truly about what you choose to focus on. The day held two possibilities and the direction I turned would choose how I saw it. Turn left and keep my eye on the storm or turn right and keep myeyes on the sun. The direction I turned wouldn't change the day, but it could certainly change the way I viewed it.

I drew a breath, thanked God for the stop sign that made me pause long enough for the lesson, and happily turned my car towards the sun. The clouds still existed it my rear view mirror, we don't control the storms, but my eyes stayed focused on the sunrise. Joy comes in the morning. (Psalm 30:5)

Just Extend the Boundaries

As school is about to begin I can't help but remember some of my own school starts as a kid. I had many good teachers, a few that I could have done without, and one that taught me lessons that changed my whole life. Mrs. Etta Mae Mann was my first introduction to school and boy did I love her!

I attended kindergarten in Garland, Texas. I turned 5 years old on the first day of school. For my kindergarten teacher friends you know what that means. I was the baby of the babies. You could only be one day younger than me and be allowed in that grade. While I felt quite grown and ready for school, there were definitely some things that weren't quite matured yet. I have vivid memories of things I did that year to compensate for any gaps. When I'd forget how to spell my last name I would pretend to have to go sharpen my pencil. On the sharpener shelf was a yellow egg carton that contained seashells I had brought for show-and-tell. In my mother's neat handwriting my name was written on a tiny label. I would slowly sharpen my pencil as I memorized the order of the letters I would need to write on my paper and then return to my seat. I learned that you don't have to know it all, you just have to know where to find the answers.

I have other great memories of lessons I learned that year.  I remember a green construction paper kite made as we learned our letters. It won't fly we were told, but it was pretty to look at. I took it home from school and as I got out of my car the kite was grabbed by the wind. It CAN fly!!! I was ecstatic and couldn't wait to tell Mrs. Mann. I learned that the impossible is possible after all.

I LOVED Mrs. Mann. I did everything in my power to impress her. I would tell tall tales about where I lived, the exotic foods I liked (you know, exotic like fish sticks, which I hated, but apparently thought would be impressive). Maybe the reason I loved Mrs. Mann so much was because she loved me. One evening she invited my family to her home for dinner. She served the foods I had told her were my favorite. You guessed it, fish sticks. I had to choke down those fish sticks with a smile on my face! I learned a pretty valuable lesson that day- don't pretend to be someone you're not and always tell the truth!

But the lesson I learned that may have had the most impact came from Mrs. Mann and a coloring page of a tomato soup can. I assume we were learning about the letter T, that wasn't the part of the lesson that mattered that day. You see one of the things that hadn't matured in me very well yet was my coloring. My fine motor skills were a work in progress. When I colored I pressed very hard which would make a big mess on the paper. I struggled to stay in lines. More than ANYTHING I wanted to be the best artist in the class. I wanted to color the most beautiful tomato soup can in the whole wide world for Mrs. Mann. She deserved a picture that could stand up to the quality of the Mona Lisa. The harder I tried the worse it got. I still remember my little heart beating inside my chest as I began to get frustrated and feel like a failure. I can see my knuckles beginning to get white as I gripped the crayon tighter trying to control it. The more I tried to control it, the harder I gripped, the worse it got. I was out of the lines. It was a mess! My red crayon drawing began to look like someone had smashed a tomato on the page. As my frustration grew, a shadow fell across the page and Mrs. Mann leaned down and quietly said words that have forever changed my life. "Anna, just extend the boundaries." She put her hand over mine and showed me how to make new borders for my tomato soup can. By the time I finished my drawing it had a one inch border all the way around, BUT I WAS IN THE LINES! It wasn't perfect by most standards, but it was a Mona Lisa! I cannot even begin to tell you how those words, "Anna, just extend the boundaries" have impacted my life. When I run into obstacles that I don't know how to address I don't give up in frustration, I just extend the boundaries. When I have made a mess of things, I hear Mrs. Mann whisper in my ear and I just extend the boundaries. When solutions are no where to be found, I look outside the boundaries. The lesson learned from Mrs. Mann and a tomato soup can have served me well. I learned to think outside the boundaries which opened a whole new world of possibilities.

At the end of kindergarten my family moved to Shallowater. I only saw Mrs. Mann one other time in my life, but when I graduated from high school I received a card from her in the mail. Inside the card was a red rose that I had colored long ago. My picture was in the center. I remember that it had hung on a bulletin board in our classroom in her "Kinder-garden". And the coloring was quite nice for a kid who had made such a mess of things. I turned it over and found a message written in Mrs. Mann's script-  "My all time favorite pupil Anna Masten". It was the best graduation present of all.

Now that I am older and maybe a little wiser, I see all sorts of spiritual lessons in the way Mrs. Mann lived her life and the lessons she taught me.

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26. (Just extend the boundaries.)

"Better is a poor person who walks in his integrity than one who is crooked in speech and is a fool." Proverbs 19:1. (Don't try to be bigger than you are. It is okay not to like fish sticks.)

Today Mrs. Mann is not around to whisper in my ear when things get hard, but the Holy Spirit is and he gently whispers encouragement and advice when I am still enough to listen.

Sometimes the harder I try to control things, the worse I make them. Rather than gripping harder to try to manage things, sometimes the power comes in letting go. Don't cling tighter to problems, lighten your grip! Let the Father place his hands over yours and show you how to navigate through the problem.

It is back to school time, but not just for kids. Maybe my lessons learned in kindergarten apply to you today. Are you having a hard time staying in the lines? Has your life become a mess? Does it seem impossible? Hear the soft whisper?

 Just extend the boundaries!

She Believed She Could...

Today I spent the day in a hospital waiting room as a sweet friend of mine had surgery. As I passed the time I read a little, surfed the web a little, and prayed a lot. The mixture of those things brought me to an a-ha moment. I guess I was finally still enough for one!

Have you ever heard the phrase, "She believed she could so she did"? I noticed it in several places today. I saw it on jewelry, on a plaque and on Pinterest. I think I have even posted it somewhere before.  At first glance I didn't think much about it, but the more I saw it the more I got to thinking about it. SHE believed SHE could so SHE did. How sad that SHE was in it alone. I get it, you have to believe in yourself to accomplish things. I agree. But the more I thought about the phrase the more a little thought started to turn in my head. I am SHE, but there have been ALOT of things in my life that I couldn't do, even though I wanted to. Among them, I couldn't cure myself of cancer. I remember when I was first diagnosed scrambling in my mind to come up with a solution. Something I could do to cure myself. I read every book I could find. I scoured websites for ideas. I thought that if I found just the right thing I could bring a cure, but believing in myself to come up with a solution just wasn't enough. As I remembered those days, the phrase begin to shift. You see it wasn't believing in me that brought healing in my life. I found myself thinking, "She believed HE could so HE did." That was the secret. We have been sold a pack of lies that if we believe in ourselves we can do anything. That if we set our minds to things we can achieve, but that is a lonely, defeating, disappointing way to approach life. We have a Father who is bigger and stronger that is the one who truly impacts change in our lives. We don't have to believe in OURSELVES, we have to believe in HIM!

God's power in our lives is amazing when we believe. Mathew 9:29 says, "According to your faith will it be done to you."  She believed HE could so HE did. The bigger our belief, the bigger the response. We have to believe in HIM. Then, and only then, can we count on the promise of Matthew 17:20, "Nothing will be impossible for you."

But what about when our faith tank is low? What about times we struggle with unbelief?   I love Mark 9:24, "Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" God let's us ask for him to help us believe. (I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have cried that out in the last three years!)

I don't know about you, but I get tired of struggling sometimes. I get tired of trying to work things out on my own. I think the quiet whispers of the waiting room were coming through loud and clear, "She believed HE could so HE did." I am grateful it isn't dependent on me, because I CAN'T DO IT!  But I am so grateful for a God who can. My prayer? I believe, help me overcome by belief so that the impossible can be done!

A Wise Man's Words

Happy Birthday, America! Today we will celebrate our independence. People across our nation will barbeque, enjoy their family and friends, and end the day by lighting the sky with fireworks. We celebrate our independence, our freedom, our nation. But the very things we celebrate today are some of the things that also separate us at times. Our independence. Our freedom. Our government. The past few weeks have been filled with controversy in our country to say the very least. Governmental decisions regarding gay marriage, confederate flags, posting of the ten commandments have created a tsunami of comments on the social media shorelines. One man's freedom and independence imposes on another's. It would seem our government is failing and our nation if filling with hate. As I have tried to keep my head above the flood of responses and opinions, I have searched for direction to safety. I came across the words of a very wise man. They were written long ago in a language that might not seem relevant to all readers of this day and age. I decided see how they might sound if they were translated into modern language. Would they still have meaning today for our struggling nation? You decide.

"The struggles we have with one another over events we disagree on seems proof to me that there is a lot lacking in human understanding. We each desire to live in a country where there is political wisdom and freedom. We look on the news and see countries all around us who have different forms of government that have failed and are failing. We find no others that have guiding systems suitable to our circumstances, yet we complain about the functioning of our own government. In this situation, searching in the dark for political truth and a strong government, how has it happened that we have not once thought of humbly praying to God to guide our understandings? Do you remember 9-11, when we were a nation with a heightened sense of vulnerability? We had churches packed with people praying for divine protection. Strangers who disagreed on race, religion, sexual orientation all came together and our prayers were heard. They were graciously answered and our nation, for a brief moment, seemed stronger in our weakness. All of us who engaged in that time can testify to the power of a God who is in our favor. Our country if full of examples of God's answers to prayer. Because of his past blessings on our people, we live in a place where we can today ask for his guidance for our nation. Our forefathers assured us of that religious freedom. Have we forgotten the God on whom this nation was built? Have we ignored that powerful friend? The longer I live, the more evidence I can see of this truth --- that God cares about the concerns of men. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without his attention, then how is it possible that a nation can stay strong without his aid? The bible is clear that "except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain." I believe this; and I also believe that without his blessing and help, we shall fail as a country just like the great empires before us. We will be divided by our personal interests and agendas; we will be unable to accomplish things and eventually America will go down in the history books as a failed country, victim of that which has ruined so many others. We give way to human wisdom which will eventually lead to war and conquest.

On this 4th of July, I am begging you, my brothers and sisters, to seek the heavenly father's blessings. Start your days in prayer for our country. Pray for our government leaders as they make decisions about our country. Do not forget the guidance of the one who gives us strength."

It still seems like sage advice to me. How about you? The original words were pinned by Benjamin Franklin in 1787. It was written during the Constitutional Convention when they had seemed to reach a deadlock on our government. Mr. Franklin seemed to recognize that without divine intervention our country would fail. There were people then, as their are people now, who believe there is no need for prayer or God. I would suggest that a nation without God truly is a nation without a prayer.

As you celebrate Independence day, don't forget to pray to the father of heavenly lights. Ask God to once again bless our nation. Remember the days after 9-11 when we were a united nation; a nation not separated by hate and political viewpoints. My constant prayer in my own life is that I don't have to be in a crisis like cancer to be close to God. I pray the same for our country. I pray we we will gladly, willingly, eagerly take a knee rather than falling to them in fear and despair.

God Bless America,
Land that I love.
Stand beside her, and guide her
Thru the night with a light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans, white with foam
God bless America, My home sweet home.

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The original Benjamin Franklin speech:

The small progress we have made after 4 or five weeks close attendance & continual reasonings with each other,”our different sentiments on almost every question, several of the last producing as many noes and ays, is methinks a melancholy proof of the imperfection of the Human Understanding. We indeed seem to feel our own want of political wisdom, some we have been running about in search of it. We have gone back to ancient history for models of Government, and examined the different forms of those Republics which having been formed with the seeds of their own dissolution now no longer exist. And we have viewed Modern States all round Europe, but find none of their Constitutions suitable to our circumstances.

In this situation of this Assembly, groping as it were in the dark to find political truth, and scarce able to distinguish it when presented to us, how has it happened, Sir, that we have not hitherto once thought of humbly applying to the Father of lights to illuminate our understandings? In the beginning of the Contest with G. Britain, when we were sensible of danger we had daily prayer in this room for the divine protection. ”Our prayers, Sir, were heard, and they were graciously answered. All of us who were engaged in the struggle must have observed frequent instances of a Superintending providence in our favor. To that kind providence we owe this happy opportunity of consulting in peace on the means of establishing our future national felicity. And have we now forgotten that powerful friend? I have lived, Sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth- that God governs in the affairs of men. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without his notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without his aid? We have been assured, Sir, in the sacred writings, that "except the Lord build the House they labour in vain that build it." I firmly believe this; and I also believe that without his concurring aid we shall succeed in this political building no better than the Builders of Babel: We shall be divided by our little partial local interests; our projects will be confounded, and we ourselves shall become a reproach and bye word down to future ages. And what is worse, mankind may hereafter from this unfortunate instance, despair of establishing Governments be Human Wisdom and leave it to chance, war and conquest.

I therefore beg leave to move, that henceforth prayers imploring the assistance of Heaven, and its blessings on our deliberations, be held in this Assembly every morning before we proceed to business, and that one or more of the Clergy of the City be requested to officiate in that service.

Bars on Windows

I drove past a beautiful home recently. The yard was neatly mowed and edged, the bushes crisply pruned. Flowers of many colors filled the beds and lined the walkway. The paint on the eaves was fresh and bright. By all accounts it was a lovely home. The owners obviously cared for it and kept it tidy. As I took a second look, I noticed another detail. Each of the sparkling clean windows were covered with intricate bars; bars designed to protect whatever was inside. The bars probably made the homeowners feel safe and secure at night knowing that they, and all their possessions, were protected from the outside world. To penetrate and reach them would be nearly impossible. What sweet rest they must get at night.

But then I began to think how those same bars create a prison. How do you get out in case of a fire? How do firefighters get in? If for some reason you need to evacuate your home, how do you flee when the doors and windows are covered with bars? And while the bars may protect from burglars and bad guys, they cannot protect from some of life's other intruders. They serve as no protection from tornado or flood. They do not protect from fire and smoke. They bring the illusion of protecting from fear, but it is only an illusion. In all reality there is still much danger.

I began to think about how we like to do that. We like to put up bars and build walls to protect our hearts. We like to believe that we can block out harm and trouble; to feel as though we have some power to keep ourselves from getting hurt. But each wall we build, each bar we put in place, is an illusion of protection. The walls and the bars do not keep danger out; they lock us in. They separate us from others. They isolate us. They prevent others from reaching us when the fires of life are raging. We think that they are keeping us from dangerous people who mean us harm, and maybe sometimes they do, but they also build prisons of loneliness. Places that others cannot reach us when our lives are burning around us. In the meantime, they do not protect us from the strong winds of trial or the flood waters of pain.

Do you have bars on your heart and walls around your life? The bars that keep others out may become the prison that keeps you in. Tear them down. Life is not safe, with or without the walls. There are some bad people and situations that may harm you. But prisons of loneliness keep you from being helped by the "firefighters" of life--the people who would love to reach out to you and love you. And God, who loves you even more, makes promises to encourage us to trust him and not our own protective devices.  John 16:33 says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."  Your bars will not protect you from trouble, but there is peace that God take care of you through the troubles--he has overcome the world. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  God has plans for you and they are for good, but you cannot enjoy all the beauty from behind high walls.

My prayer for you is that you do not let the illusion of safety become your prison. I pray you will take down the bars and tear down the walls. Life is beautiful beyond them.

Life Is Like a Cup of Coffee...

I rushed out the door, coffee in hand, trying to beat the traffic and make it to work. I don't know about you, but mornings in our house can be a little frantic. Papers to sign, breakfast to grab, last minute school needs, and a bad hair day can have my heart pounding by the time I reach my car. I drove carefully down the road, okay, let's be honest, I flew down the road glancing down at my coffee just as I approached the railroad tracks. Having spilled my coffee many times in this very situation I grabbed my cup to cushion the impact. Hand in the air, I went over the tracks. The coffee sloshed, it came dangerously close to spilling over, but being held in my hand diverted the disaster. Onward, ho!

As I continued my commute, the adrenalin from the morning settled and the lesson of the sloshing coffee began to occur to me. I realized that I am like that cup of coffee, bouncing through life in a vehicle that hits bumps, faces sharp turns, and sometimes comes to abrupt stops. With nothing to help absorb those shocks, I become a mess. Pain, worry, anger, and frustration, spill over and have the potential to damage the things around me. It is only when I place my life firmly in the hand of my Father that I am able to take the bumps.  Isaiah 64:8 says, "But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand."  I thought about the ceramic mug in my hand. It was made of clay. Formed by the hand of a potter and fired in a kiln to perfection. God formed me. I am the work of his hand. How appropriate that he would continue to hold me to absorb the impact of life's daily hazards. Being in his hand does not mean I don't hit obstacles, but it does mean I am protected from life spilling over out of control. I love the idea of my life being held high in his hand as he serves as a shock absorber for life's great ups and downs.

That may have been one of the best cups of coffee I have ever had.

Spring Forward

It is no secret, tomorrow is one of my favorite times of the year!!! I LOVE Daylight Saving Time!!! Losing an hour of sleep to gain back all that sunshine at the end of the day is worth a million dollars to me! I love having a few hours of sunlight at the end of the day!!!! It rejuvenates me, empowers me, satisfies my soul!! (Okay, I'm will try not to use so many exclamation marks through the rest of this post, but man I love my sunshine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Now I know there is an opposing camp. Some really hate the change. I cannot understand why-- what's the problem with losing one hour when you get so much back in return? So I did a little research and here is what I learned. According to Dr. Alfred Lewy of the Oregon Health and Science University's Sleep and Mood Disorder Laboratory, the new light-dark cycle works against the body clock. We all have a circadian rhythm, our sleep/wake cycle. It is based on 24 hour rhythms and is adjusted based on light.  When our bodies absorb light in the morning it resets our clock and we stay in synch. When the sun comes up later it throws our bodies off kilter for a few days until our bodies adjust. Don't worry haters, your body will adjust and you will be so happy for those long summer evenings!! Getting into the light for a few days helps get you back on track.

I got to thinking about that on a grander scale. You know me, I figure there is a life lesson in everything. I got to thinking about the Heart. It was created to love The Light. Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 18:12. The grand design was that we would let The Light set our life rhythms, that He would keep our hearts in synch. But darkness entered the world in the form of sin. Our spiritual bodies were thrown of kilter. The world became a grumpy place. The night became long and the Light now sometimes seems to be in short supply. Don't you feel it when you watch the news? It makes you want to stay in bed and hide your head under the covers. Even good people people, people who love The Light, are tempted by the darkness. We need some Daylight Saving Time people! Just as getting into the light resets our physical body clock, getting into The Light resets our spiritual body clock. Feeling gloomy because of the darkness? Get into The Light. Overwhelmed and out-of-synch? Get into The Light.
"This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all." 1 John 1:5

Time to Spring Forward, friends!!! 

"You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness."

1 Thessalonians 5:5.