Dumpster Fire or Burning Bush?

It had been such a fun night! My family was coming home from an evening of cooking out, swimming, and popping fireworks with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. (Man, I miss those days of family gatherings!) The back of the pickup truck contained the carcasses of Roman Candles, Sparklers, fountains, and artillery shells. We pulled up to the dumpster to unload the firework remains in the dumpster and headed inside with visions of pyrotechnics in our heads.

As we began getting ready for bed, I started to smell something. Smoke, maybe? I looked out the window and yelled, "The dumpster is on fire!!!!!" Oh lawzy, the neighbors were going to LOVE this!!! I was REALLY hoping they wouldn't see us! We scrambled around for a crazy minute trying to decide what to do. The boys and Rodney ran to the alley and I ran to the backyard to grab the water hose. They threw open the lid and I stood in the back yard on the deck of the pool, hose in hand, shooting water over the fence and into the dumpster. It was a bit like the Beverly Hillbillies Celebrate Independence Day. It was quite a sight! (Sure am glad we didn't leave them in the back of the truck though!) I laugh every time I remember that scene. 

Do you ever feel like your life is a bit of a dumpster fire? Things are just a hot mess and you can't seem to get a grip on it? You run around in a panic trying to figure out how to put the flames out, but the proverbial hose in your hand just doesn't seem to be working? Boy, sometimes I do. There are seasons where nothing seems to work, things aren't what I hoped they'd be, and life is hot, hot, hot!  The fire can be all kinds of things - worry, fear, anxiety, family problems, money problems, or even something that you just can't put your finger on. You feel consumed by the flames of what you are going through and a little voice in your head whispers, "Nothing to see here" as others pass by and you hope no one will notice the fire.

My biggest dumpster fire of the day is The Nuisance (Cancer) and all the sparks it sends out into other areas of my life. We recently had our consultation with my surgeon following the Tumor Board's review of my case at MD Anderson. There is some good news and some not-so-good news. The good news is that the board does believe surgery is an option for me right now. We are grateful for that! We know that surgery is really the only way you get rid of cancer. Chemo and Radiation help manage and reduce, but it doesn't usually get rid of it on its own. And chemo is some tough stuff. We are so grateful that surgery is a possibility. Even if it is a tough one. 

The bad news is that the spot we treated with radiation in 2018 appears to have grown. That spot is a lymph node. (Which is a whole other story I will tell you soon!) That was a curveball. The lymph node is near my carotid artery, heart, and other important veins and arteries. If it is The Nuisance, we won't have time to watch and see like we can with the other spots. We will need to do surgery now. The other spark of that fire is that right now COVID protocols would not allow anyone to be at the hospital in Houston with me. That would stink worse than smoldering trash! Surgery will be a thoracotomy which is where they go through my ribs in the back and will remove the lining from my lung, scrape my diaphragm, and grab any visible spots they can see throughout my chest. Those flames are pretty hot, but God is bigger!

The first step to dealing with this fire is heading to Houston for a biopsy to see what is going on in the lymph node. We need to determine if the spot is active or if this is just the ashes and embers of the old flame. If it is Nuisance then we sound the alarm and are on the fast track to surgery. If it isn't, prayerfully, then we will be looking at surgery in the future but can wait a little while to see if COVID protocols change to allow me not to be alone. 

Today I was reading about a fire that happened once upon a time. There was this guy who was out tending to some of his farm animals. Out in the pasture with no one but his sheep, he noticed a fire in the distance. He decided to go check it out. As he got closer he could tell it was a bush fire, but the strangest thing was that the bush was not being burned up. Curiosity piqued, he went closer. As he did, he heard a voice come from the bush. Now that is different. The voice said, "I have seen and heard you and I am concerned for you! I am going to rescue you. I am God". (Paraphrased version- check out Exodus 3 for the full details.) The man was obviously taken back and at that moment the entire direction of his life was changed. In the past when I have read that story, I have always focused on the man and the message, but today I was drawn to the bush. The bush was on fire, but not consumed. It had the purpose of drawing the man, Moses, to God. 

It made me think about the fires we experience in life again. When those flames of trial lick our lives it can be classified as a dumpster fire OR a burning bush. It is a matter of perspective, choice, and faith. A dumpster fire is going to be consuming; it will incinerate, melt, and destroy everything it touches. It is going to really stink, and it serves very little purpose. It will burn us up!

But a burning bush is different. It serves as an invitation to draw closer to God in order to hear his love for us, his concern for our circumstances, and his desire to rescue us. The burning bush may still be hot, but it will not consume us. It doesn't scorch our hearts and reduce our lives to ash. In fact, there is something beautiful about it. A burning bush has purpose. 

Trial by fire is a guarantee in this life. There is no insurance, no flame retardant, no smoke alarm that will keep us from it, BUT we can choose how we respond. We can be a Dumpster Fire or a Burning Bush. One will consume, destroy, and stink to high heaven and the other will withstand the flames, draw us to God, and allow us to experience a little heaven in the midst of the smoke.

When the spark of heartache becomes a blaze hardship and threatens to burn you alive what will you be? Dumpster Fire or Burning Bush? (Be a Bush!!!!!!)

Love ya! Mean it!

Life Interrupted

Wednesday was a crazy day. My calendar was booked from beginning to end with no room for mistake, but mistakes happened! A presentation that a group of us had spent hours working on mysteriously disappeared from existence. Life Interrupted. In a day where there was no time, we scrambled to recreate that which was lost. Later in the day I was setting up a room divider. As I secured it in place, the tool whipped around and hit me right on the collarbone. The nurse feared it was fractured. Off to the doctor for me. Life Interrupted. My plans for the day evaporated as quickly as a mist. Do you have days like that?

As I sat in the doctors office waiting for my x-rays to be read, I thought of the phrase "Life Interrupted". I started to grumble in my mind about life being interrupted and then it was if someone hit me in the forehead (think V-8 commercial) with a new thought. The thought was this: The troubles that come along don't interrupt life, they are life. John 16:33 says, " I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." See, it is biblical. We will have troubles, they are part of life, not an exception to it.  Life is filled with ups and downs. It isn't just the good times that make up who we are, it is the annoying times as well. We aren't living only when life is smooth, but also when life is frustrating. I began to realize a few things about myself and about interruptions.

On Planning
I tend to think that because I can plan my calendar, I can plan my life. My first lesson was a reminder that none of us are truly in control of our lives. (You'd think I would know this by now!) We may try to plan our destiny, but sometimes there is a greater agenda. Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." I may not always understand His purpose, but I don't have to fear it or fight it because, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. On the calendar of life, I really must switch to pencil; for my plans are tentative upon a grander design.


On Power
I also recognized that (brace yourself, this will surprise some of you---not!) I am a bit of a control freak. I like to think that I am strong, independent, and in control. When things go beyond my control, I am not a happy camper. I get frustrated and anxious. That frustration leads to worry. "What about the meeting I am missing?"; "What about the cost?"; "How will I squeeze everything in now?"; "What about...?" Matthew 6:25-27  says, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  The main difference between me and a bird is that I think I am in control. In all reality, we are not so different (no bird-brain jokes here, please). Like God provides for the birds, he will provide for me. That provision comes even in, and sometimes through, life's interruptions. The power I have is a façade. Worrying will add no time to my life or my day!

On Perception
 My final lesson was on perception. When something else comes along that wasn't in my plan, I perceive it as an interruption. I grumble about the unexpected throwing me off my path. I have a feeling that if I ever get to a point that I can perceive the "interruptions" as part of the plan that I won't struggle as much against them. If I can begin to somehow leave room for the unexpected in my mind, and trust that God will handle those things as they arise, I will not be as insulted when they occur. Rather than perceiving troubles as interruptions, I want to change my perceptions and view them as opportunities. Opportunities for growth, opportunities for God, opportunities for grace.

How about you? Have you experienced Life Interrupted? Does planning, power, and perception throw you off as well? How do you deal with it? Any other control freaks out there?  Pulitzer Prize winning author, Carl Sanburg, said, "Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me." Sometimes blessings come to life through the unexpected and unplanned-- You know, the interruptions!

  "What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

James 5:14

 I would love to hear the lessons you have learned on the topic. Leave your thoughts in the comments on my blog or on my Facebook.