Back Float

I love to back float, to lay in a pool of blue water with my eyes closed feeling the warmth of the sun on my face. My arms and legs are relaxed and my breathing is slow and steady as I allow the water to make me weightless. As a lifeguard, I taught others how to back float. I would teach them to lean their heads back, breath deep and steady, and trust the water. I would place my hand lightly under their back for support as I encouraged them. As they relaxed I would gradually move my hand away. They had to make a choice at that moment. They could either continue to trust the water or they could begin to flail around and become afraid. If they remained relaxed and continued to breathe, they could float. The water did all the work. If they began to panic their worst fear would come true and they would sink. To stay afloat one must lean back, breathe, and trust the water.

One summer I was approached by a woman who wanted me to teach her to swim, but first I would have to teach her how to float. She had grown up around the water. She would spend summers at the lake and loved to water ski. Floating and swimming had never been a problem. One particular summer she was water skiing. As the boat approached the shoreline she skied outside the wake intending to glide to the dock. She released the rope. Her speed began to slow, she began to sink, and at that moment she realized that the water around her was writhing with water snakes. Panic took over and she flailed around trying to move to safety. From that moment on she had lost the ability to float. Intense fear of the water overwhelmed her. In reality she was not asking me to teach her to swim. What she really wanted was for me to teach her how to trust. She didn't truly need someone to teach her how to float, but someone to teach her not to fear.

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have visualized floating in the past week. We went to MD Anderson last week for my check-ups. We followed the usual routine of bloodwork, CT scans and doctor visits. We have done that many times in the past five years. We have celebrated and praised as we have gotten reports of being unremarkable. Overtime, although it is always a little nerve-racking, we have learned to float. As we sat in the doctors office this past week though, the reports were not that clear. There is a spot that appears to be growing and they want to do more tests. I felt myself back in my own version of water with snakes. My body tensed up, my breathing grew unsteady, and I began to flail. You cannot float and flail at the same time. I had a flashback to swimming lessons. How do you float? You lean your head back, breathe deep and steady and trust the water. Let the lessons begin.

Psalm 121:1-8 says, 'I lift up my eyes to the mountains-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you -- the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm -- he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Staying afloat requires us to lean our head back and lift our eyes to the only one who can help us. Things are not always easy and life is not always smooth. Sometimes we find ourselves in snake infested water and it is a scary place to be. Sometime memories of prior struggles bring our eyes down to the proverbial water and keep us from looking up to find our help. Looking down will cause us to sink. Lesson one to floating - lean your head back and look up!

Breath is a fundamental element of life. We draw in oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide. It is a process required to live. In times when we feel like we are drowning, we have to remember to breathe. We draw in hope and exhale fear. We breathe in God's word and we exhale our prayers and concerns. We inhale encouragement and force out anxiety.  That can require focus. Have you ever noticed how we tend to hold our breath when we are are afraid and anxious? When we do that blood stops flowing to our brains and we literally become incapacitated. When we are drowning in doubt and fear we do the same thing. We stop drawing in life and can easily become immobilized. So how do we keep breathing? Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Lesson two to floating- in order to enjoy floating in peace, even in rough waters, we have to breathe out our requests to God and draw in the peace and comfort that only he can provide. 

Lesson three to floating - trust the water. The physics of buoyancy allows water to support the weight of the body. Spiritually speaking trusting the water means that we must have faith in the one who can support the weight of our burdens. I have to be honest, I am not Bill Nye the Science Guy. I am not the best person to teach a science lesson. I do not understand all the physics of the universe, yet I still believe in it. Likewise, I cannot explain everything God does and doesn't do, but I believe in him to sustain me-- because he always does. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, 'Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Swimming students do not usually do very well the first time they try to float, but over time they begin to see that the water will not let them down. Trusting God is not always easy, but as we have more opportunities to see his faithfulness we begin know that we can count on him to work things out. Often in swimming lessons, students will be floating and suddenly panic and begin to sink again. When that happens the lifeguard slips their hand back under their back to support them until they are able to relax again. God does that, too. Isaiah 41:10 says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

In a week we will return to Houston. As of right now I will have more scans, a biopsy, and appointments with several doctors. I am in water that is so deep that my feet cannot touch the bottom and I have a history of being in snake infested water. There are definite moments when I feel that anxiety slithering up beside me. I have to make a choice to believe the snakes or believe the lifeguard. Maybe you are in deep water right now, too. Let's lean our heads back, keep breathing, and trust the water!