A Cinderella Tale

Remember the story of Cinderella? She was a girl, deeply loved by her father. By all accounts, she was privileged and well cared for until her mother died and her father remarried. Her new step-mother and wicked step-sisters were eaten alive by jealously towards Cinderella. They did everything in their power to put her down and steal what was rightfully hers. Ever known someone who couldn't stand to see things go right for others? They are willing to lie, cheat, even steal, to ruin something they are jealous of. Boy, do I know someone like that.

These past twelve days have been filled with answered prayer, miracles, and kindness.  I have been Cinderella--privileged and cared for. My surgery went better than anyone, especially the doctors, anticipated. My recovery in the hospital was described as phenomenal. I came home earlier than we dreamed. Our needs were met in every way! I have seen the hand of God and experienced His love, but there is a jealous little liar trying to spoil my ball. Like the wicked step-mother, Satan has tried to create doubt, fear, and anxiety to steal the joy, peace, and confidence that I have been given by my Father. He is whispering lies about the size of my problems. He is casting shadows on my future. He seeks to make me worry over my family, my finances, my feelings, my health.  He is so jealous of my Father's love for me that he is willing to do almost anything to make me doubt it, to cast a cloud over my sunshine in order to make me forget the blessings I have received. He wants me to doubt the very love of my Father even though it has been so clearly demonstrated. 

Have you ever wondered what happened to Cinderella's father? I don't remember reading his fate. He is just absent.  Did he die? Leave on business? Go for milk and never come home? Most versions do not say. What we know is that most likely he wasn't present or he wouldn't have allowed his daughter to be mistreated like she was. This is where my story, and yours, is very different from that of Cinderella. Our Father never leaves us, but sometimes we get so distracted by the lies of the wicked one that we forget who our Father is and what He has done. It seems we are especially susceptible to this attack following a close encounter with God. 

That is where I found myself today. I have so much to be grateful for, but the wicked liar distracted me with problems, doubts, and fears. I have to reclaim my heritage. Regardless of what the wicked little liar wishes me to believe, my Father loves me and is just as in control of my life this week as He was last week. He never leaves me and works all things for my good. Just as the wicked step-sisters were unsuccessful in keeping Cinderella from her prince, this wicked liar will be unsuccessful at keeping me from my King. I will not be distracted by the tedious reality of everyday life.  I will dance at this ball! I will live happily ever after-- and that is no fairy tale.

The Hardest Prayer of All Time

Sometimes in life you come to a place where what is required of you to reach the next level means doing something that doesn't make sense to you; something that goes against your nature and desires. If you don't let go, you can't move on, but letting go seems so frightening. Imagine yourself having fallen over a cliff and hanging over a ravine. You are suspended only by a vine protruding from a rocky crag. Someone above you is extending their hand to pull you up, but you have to release the vine. Every cell in your body is screaming, "Don't let go!!!", but the only way to truly be saved is to grab the hand. How do you find the strength to let go?

That image has played in my mind this week as I find myself being challenged to pray the hardest prayer of all time. It is a prayer that people throughout the ages have struggled with. Jesus himself was distraught as he prayed it. The control freak in me has a really hard time saying it. What is it you ask? "Not my will but yours." There I said it. Do you have a hard time with it, too?

I don't know about you, but I have such definite plans in my mind of what I want God to do. Currently, I want a miracle. I want to be completely healed of  The Nuisance with a certificate of warranty that says it will never come back. I want no more Power Aid or radiation. That is what I am praying every day. The bible encourages me to pray those prayers boldly, which let me tell you, I am! But I also have to recognize that I am hanging over the side of a cliff, holding onto a vine. I may not have the best view of what it takes to get me to the safety. The one who can see most clearly is the one looking down from above with an outstretched hand. So again I am left to wonder, "How do I find the strength to let go?"

It helps to know my rescuer. If I know and trust the character and strength of the person saving me from the cliff, it becomes easier to let go of the vine and reach for the hand. The same is true when it comes to my prayers. If I know and trust the character and strength of God, then I can trust that He is willing and able to save me, that His judgement of what is best for me is sound. He may ask me to do something that doesn't match my desire, but it will have a better long term outcome.

How do I know I can trust His character? Because time after time, he has given me more than I could want for myself. Ephesians 3:20 says, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..." He is able to do immeasurably more. How do I know? Because He has in my life. When Rodney and I decided we wanted to start our family, I began to pray. One night I was at church early. No one else was there. I went to the altar and knelt. I prayed for God to bless us with a baby.  One month later, I knew that He had. Five months later I learned that not only had he given me the desire of my heart, but he doubled it. He gave me twins. I know God can do more than I ask because He has.

But I don't trust His character just because He has given me yes answers. I trust Him because sometimes He has told me no. There have been times I was certain I knew what was best for me--the right guy, the right job, the right solution to a problem.  God said no,  I let go, and down the line I discovered He had something better in store. IF I was willing to let go and trust Him. See, God won't impose His will on me. If I refuse to let go of my vine, He will honor that, but I will miss something better.

So I am at the place once again of following my requests with the hardest prayer of all, "Not my will, but yours, Lord."  Maybe you are on the vine, too.  I say to you what I say to myself. We can trust Him. If He doesn't answer our prayers the way we had in mind, it is because He has double blessings in store. Trust Him. Reach for the hand. Let's get off this vine.

Like the Weather in West Texas...

It is often said that if you don’t like the weather in West Texas stay around a few minutes, it’ll change. Just recently Lubbock was named as the city with the toughest weather. We are accustomed to days that expose us to sun, wind, sand, and chill all within a 24 hour period. Heck, occasionally we even get a little rain thrown in for good measure---ok, I said occasionally!

I’ve been thinking lately how life is just like that West Texas weather. How quickly we can be exposed to all kinds of “weather”.   We have moments of sunshine and happiness, periods of windy pressure, times when we feel beaten down by the sandstorms of busy-ness and seasons of chill caused by fear or disappointment.  Sometimes when we are beaten down by the storms we begin to think, “This isn’t fair”.   We long to live somewhere else—a place of palm trees and soft, warm breezes. We begin to long for utopia and forget that just like the West Texas weather, our moments of storms will pass. They are just seasons in time. Some of the seasons we love and enjoy, others we just tuck our heads to our chest, lean into the wind, and push through.  The lesson I am learning is that even on the bad days, there are rays of sunshine, but I have to raise my eyes to see them.  One summer I worked in a mission center in inner city Houston. I remember a sign in the office that said, “Sometimes God calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.”

In my recent stormy season I have prayed constantly that the storm would be calmed. I think it is natural for us to have that desire. What I have discovered is that there have been times that the storm has been calmed, but the more amazing discovery has been that I can find peace even when the storm rages.  And when I am given that gift I can walk through the toughest storms and still feel blessed. My utopia becomes where I am, not where I long to be. It is an amazing lesson.  It is a gift that I don’t believe it is possible to experience on my own. My peace comes not from external forces, but from a much greater power. John 16:33 in the Message says it beautifully. “I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.”  Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.” If I focus on the weather, I sacrifice my peace. If I focus on God, I find shelter in the storm.

I don’t know what season you’re in, but I know that as humans we all have seasons equivalent to tropical storms.  We face illness, relationship problems, financial pressures, and challenges at work. In those moments of crisis, we begin to feel as though the sunny days will never return.  I want to encourage you to not focus on the storm. The storm brings fear. Focus instead on the one who promises peace. Don’t shift your eyes for a second. That is when you begin to be buffeted by the wind. If you don’t like the current weather of your life, stick around a minute, it will change.  Keep your head up and watch for the SON.

Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

This week has certainly had its fill of bad things. Our nation has been shocked by a bombing of innocents, running a race on a beautiful day in Boston. Our state has mourned great loss caused by a devastating plant explosion. My little town has prayed for the recovery of a first responder hit by a car while helping others in a car accident and we have grieved over the loss of one of our precious teenagers. Times like these often leave us to wonder, why do bad things happen to good people? That then leads to a second question. Why do good things happen to bad people?

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there were two shepherds responsible for watching a large flock. The older of the two herdsmen was known for his remarkable talents as a shepherd. He provided well for his sheep. He cared for all their needs, led them to the safest pastures, and loved each animal. He was also responsible for the younger shepherd. He had originally given the younger man the job and taught him the tricks of the trade. The flock was safe.

Over time, the younger of the shepherds began to grow jealous of his elder. He wanted recognition as a good shepherd. He wanted the sheep to follow him when they walked through pastures. HE wanted to be the leader of the flock. He had a few sheep that were his favorites and that followed him, but he wanted more. He began to do things to undermine the older shepherd. In doing so, he often put the sheep in danger. Over time, it became clear that the great flock would be split in two. Although the older, wiser shepherd did not wish to lose a single sheep, he would not bind them to him against their will. The two shepherds parted ways and the flock became separated.

The jealousy of the younger shepherd didn't cease when he was on his own. In fact, it grew. In order to tarnish the reputation of the older shepherd, the younger would wait until the shadows of darkness and then creep to the other flock to cause damage. He attacked the good shepherd's flock. He poisoned them, misled them off into darkness, and sometimes killed them and made it look like a wild animal had attacked. The townspeople began to whisper that maybe the good shepherd wasn't so good. Maybe the younger herdsman was better. His flock seemed to be fine after all. The young shepherd was pleased.

More time passed. Some of the sheep in the good shepherds flock began to look at the other flock. They began to grow dissatisfied because it looked like the pasture of the other sheep was so much greener than theirs. They seemed to be so well off. What they didn't recognize, was how close to the edge of a cliff the pasture was, and that many sheep had fallen over the edge. Their shepherd didn't take them there because it wasn't in their best interest. Not realizing that, many of the sheep left the flock, much to the heartbreak of their shepherd.

Often the good shepherd would come across one of the sheep from the other flock. It would be wounded, starving, left for dead. Even though it was a sheep that had left him, actively chosen to walk away, he would pick it up, nurture it back to health and once again allow it to choose its flock. Some would stay with him. Others would go back to what they had known, but the good shepherd treated all sheep with love and offered them good things.

The younger shepherd's concern was really not for sheep at all. In fact, he hated the animals. They just served his purpose in a game he was playing against the good shepherd. He actively sought to destroy the good shepherds flock. As for his flock, destroying them didn't serve a need, so harm that came to them was more of a neglectful harm. They often enjoyed green grass, but because the pastures were in dangerous places, lives were lost. Because he didn't care what happened to them, they were sometimes injured, but it was not usually with the same intention of harm that he had for the other flock. Whereas the good shepherd loved sheep so much that he cared for even those that wandered away, the young shepherd cared for none of them. He only cared about overthrowing the good shepherd.

To this day, the younger shepherd continues to try to destroy the flock. The story hasn't ended. Good sheep continue to be found injured in pastures. Sheep who wander off continue to seem to prosper. The ending is coming, but it isn't over yet.

God is the good shepherd. Satan is the younger. You and I are the flock.

Bad things do not come from God. 1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." His goal is to do whatever he can to separate people from God. Because that it his goal, his greatest targets are often the people who are God's children. Therefore, bad things happen to good people. Thankfully, God is a God who can take what was intended for evil and use it for something good. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, and have been called according to his purpose." So the answer to the first question is that bad things happen to good people because Satan seeks to destroy and is threatened by people who are "good" (God's). He often attacks others as well, but he doesn't have to work as hard on people who don't have a relationship with God, they are already separated from Him. They pose no threat.

In addition, we might consider how we classify a person as "good". The bible says that "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:6. In actuality, none of us are "good"; we are just forgiven and trying. We all sin. But God loves us still.

Now about that second question, "Why do good things happen to bad people?" Sometimes it seems unfair that bad seems to prosper. How does that work? For one thing, as the young shepherd used the green pastures as a lure, so Satan uses promises of good to lure away God's people. The pastures look green, but they are dangerous. Secondly, God is a God of love. He loves each person He has created, even when they don't love him back. Just like the good shepherd cared for all the sheep, His and those of the other flock, God cares for all people. Good things happen to bad people because God, the Shepherd, still loves them. Now that is not to say there will not be discipline and judgment at some point for wrong that any of us have done. 2 Corinthians 5:10 says," For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil."

Bad things happen to good people because the nature of Satan is bad. Good things happen to bad people because the nature of God is good. But when it is all said and done, the "good" guys (the forgiven) always win, because God uses both good and evil for the betterment of those who love him. We profit either way.

If you are a "good guy" afflicted by bad this week, hold on. God is going to bring good things from it. I could write volumes on how God has used "The Nuisance" to bring good in my life. I haven't scratched the surface of what God has done in my life through this. And to the "bad guys" (unforgiven) of the world, may they recognize that God loves them and wants to woo them back to Him, but they shouldn't wait too long. There will be a day of judgment and then it is too late. The good shepherd wants all his sheep in the fold, even those that have wandered away. See Luke 15:1-7 for a biblical perspective on that.

Continue to pray for those who have lost much this week. Pray for our country, our state, our town. Pray specifically for Boston, West, the Cook and Coats families. Do not be quick to judge and seek vengeance-- that belongs to The Lord, and he can handle it. Love one another and don't be afraid to show it. Life changes quickly, but God never does.

In the Shape of a Heart...

Laura Ingalls Wilder said, "I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life that are the real ones after all."  This may not be Little House on the Prairie, but I think there is still a lot of wisdom to be found in that quote. How many times in a day, a week, a month, do we miss the big stuff because it comes in a tiny, easily-overlooked package? It was such a package, easily missed, that got me to thinking today. As I stepped out of my car, I glanced down and happened to notice a small, brown leaf at the tip of my toe. Nothing that would normally grab my attention, but this leaf was in the shape of a heart. A sweet little reminder of love, so easily missed.  As I stooped to pick it up, I was struck by the thought that a happy life is made up of lots of little blessings. I was saddened to realize that often we miss out on happiness because we expect it to come in a big package. We think it is a house, a car, a new purse or clothes when really it is rays of sunshine, leaves in the shapes of hearts and the giggles of our children who are supposed to be sleeping.

Yesterday our country was struck by a terrible tragedy. The bombing of the Boston Marathon was a heartbreaking event that no one should ever have to experience. My heart aches for those involved and for a world in which such things happen.  My guess is that the families most impacted by this event aren't worried about houses, boats and belongings today. Survivors and their families are grateful for the ability to hug their loved ones; that they ran too fast/slow to be at the finish line when the bomb exploded; that the alarm clock went off again this morning. The families of the lost ones wish they had lingered around the dinner table just a little longer at their last gathering; that they could hear the laughter one more time; that they'd said I love you a little more often. It truly is the sweet, simple things that are the real ones.  My prayer is that we spend less time complaining and more time being thankful. That we find happiness in the things we already have, instead of seeking it in things that rust and fade. Happiness lies all around us, but sometimes we are too blind to recognize it. See the sweet, simple things. It might be right at your feet, in the shape of a heart.

Bounce or Splatter?

Bounce or splatter? I once read that when faced with adversity, there are two types of people in the world--those that bounce, and those that splatter. A bouncer hits rock bottom, but doesn't linger there. They may temporarily be flattened, but quickly use that posture to propel themselves back out of the depths. Splatterers, on the other hand, hit the bottom and fall into a million pieces. They remain stuck, unable to regroup and mobilize. 

What makes the reactions so different? When I first read of bouncers and splatterers, I have to admit my picture of adversity was quite different than my current perspective. At that time my biggest concerns were getting ready for a big presentation, making ends meet, worrying about checking off my to-do list. I believed I was a bouncer because I made up my mind to be one. Now that my adversity is on a grander scale, I have come to realize that it is not my determination and power that allows me to bounce, but reliance on a greater power.

I have discovered that when I feel like splattering, and boy, has that been tempting, that I am listening to the lies of a deceiver. I am lending my ear to fear, to the unknown, to the things I cannot control, to my physical weakness. It is hard to get up when you are pinned under lies, but there is a way.  Both the bouncers and the splatterers hit the bottom, but a bouncer doesn't listen to the lies that can be found there. A bouncer looks for truth.  Truths  like:

 "He has seen me through before, He will see me through again."

"He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds."

 "With man, this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible." 

These truths make the bouncer bounce.

Today I am coming back out of the pit. I was knocked flat by round three of "power aid". Four days of my life are all but missing, but I haven't splattered. I am holding onto the truths that will allow me to bounce back.  

At some point in life we all hit the bottom. Sometimes is it a shallow pit, sometimes it is a frightening depth, but we will all face adversity. How will you respond? Will you bounce or splatter? Remember, whatever you are facing, "With man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible." Don't listen to the splatterer's lies. BOUNCE!

An Open Letter

This morning I stood in church surrounded by people in their Sunday best. This is not just any Sunday. This is the Sunday we celebrate the resurrection of Christ.  It is the day that we celebrate a living God. (Now if you are not a believer, please don't stop reading, you are part of the reason I have to write! Please read on!) As I stood and sang, a prayer raced through my mind.  Normally I would consider my prayers to be very private and personal, meant for me and God. Normally I wouldn't consider posting them, but as I was flooded with thankfulness, I had a nudging to share. For those of you new to my world, this year I was diagnosed with a rare cancer (I call it a Nuisance and only use the "c" word when I have to be clear to others-- I do not claim it or give it power in my life.)  Because of my journey  I have seen with greater clarity how real and alive He is. He is a God that gives amazing gifts. The gifts I have been given were never intended only for me. They were intended to show that God is real. They were intended to show what He can do and how much He loves His children. The blessings I have been shown are messages to others about what God longs to do for each of us. My brother-in-law, David, told me once that his grandfather always said, "In troubling times God's children have His complete attention." I have found that to be so true. So I share my prayer, not to bring attention to me, but to bring glory to God, because HE is good. I share it that you can experience it, too!

An Open Letter to God

Dear God,

There are some gifts that are so amazing that thank you is insufficient. The words I say to show appreciation on a daily basis to people who are helpful--the waiter, the person that holds the door, the bank teller--seem so underrated when offered to you.  As if the sacrifice of your one and only son was not enough, you daily seek to show me how personally you love me. That has been an amazing experience for me. The gift of Christ is an incredible gift and I hate to confess it, but there are times that I have thought of it almost as a gift for the masses, something you did for all mankind, but for me? Would you have done it for me alone? Through your daily gifts I have learned that the answer to that question is an undeniable yes! How can I know that? How can others believe it? Because I have seen the proof. Just as Mary and John and Peter witnessed the empty tomb, the proof that Christ was alive, I have seen the proof that you are alive in me. God, I am so grateful that although I walk along a dark path, I am not engulfed in the darkness. You have brought light to every day. Though my mind is often filled with frightening thoughts, you take those thoughts captive and allow me to see hope. Though it would be so easy to sink, you make sure that I remain afloat. At just the right time you send people, songs, card, calls to remind me of your love, to remind me you see me. Though my body is under attack,  you have given me strength not only to walk, but to run. This experience has been meant to harm me, but you have used it for good. You are real. You are alive. You are not for the masses, but for the individuals who make up the masses. How sad that it takes me being knocked to my knees to recognize your great, personal love for me. If that is what it takes, then I am grateful.  I know, Father, that "the nuisance" is not from you, because you give perfect gifts, but I know that you use all things for my good. Thank you that when I am knocked down, you lift my chin, look  in my eyes and gently care for me. Thank you for seeing me, for dying for me and for living for me. May I never again take for granted how much YOU love ME. 

Love,

Anna

(A note to the reader:   Don't wait for a crisis to see God's presence in your life. He daily seeks to get your attention. Watch for him in the sunset tonight. See him in a smile tomorrow. Hear him in the laughter of your children. Feel him when your loved one holds your hand. Recognize him when you are shown exceptional kindness.  Do not believe He doesn't know you individually, for He most certainly does. He created you, loves you and hovers about you even as you read this. Your heart recognizes Him, even though your mind may downplay the logic of Him. He is not logic, so don't attempt to rationalize Him. He is love, be loved by Him. Believe. I am proof He is alive and well.)

Ever Been to Schlitterbahn?

Have you ever been to Schlitterbahn? It is an awesome water park with slides and rivers full of twists and turns. The first time we took our twin boys, they were about eight years old. As a mom, I was hyper-vigilant about where they were at all times. I knew that once we got onto some of the water rides there would be places where we would be at the mercy of the water. If we got separated, getting back together would be a challenge. I also knew that there were places where the rides would fork and one direction would send you to the river, while the other kept you in the park. As we would climb to the top of the rides, we would have a decision to make about what slide to take, but once we committed to that slide, the rest was beyond our control.

I have been thinking a lot about that experience today. It is a pretty good illustration of how I feel today as we head back home from MD Anderson. When we climbed to the top of this ride back in January, we had to choose what "slide" to take. We decided that we would go with the one doctors advised. And "itza doozie". We grabbed our floatation devices and got on. Now, three months later, we are on a ride full of dips and turns that we do not control. We underwent major surgery to remove tumors from my chest, we took a steep drop as we discovered in surgery there are many more that could not be reached. We quickly whirled around a curve to begin six rounds of Power Aid (chemo to those who are confused). Our heart rates elevated when we heard the news that we will only have to endure four rounds right now because we are seeing a good response. Then whoosh, today we learned that because of that great response we will  face another swift drop in six weeks to surgically remove anything we can that remains. Following that twisting turn, we will enter a tunnel, that for now,  is too dim to see. Ups, downs, twists, turns, holding our breath, squeezing our eyes shut, sometimes wanting to scream --there is no getting off, no speeding it up, only finishing the ride.

Back to Shlitterbahn. As my little boys would climb to the tops of the watersides sometimes their courage would waiver. They would want to climb back down. Their chins would quiver when they realized there was no turning back now. I would remind them how we had been on other water slides and it had all turned out great. I would recall with them about the experiences where we'd splashed through to the end. I'd take their hand and we'd climb into the inner-tubes together and then we would scream and laugh our way to the bottom. It reminds me of the verse in Psalm 105:5 that says, "Remember the wonders He has done, His miracles, and the judgements He has pronounced. " When we recalled the wonders we had seen, the future did not seem so scary. As I stand ready for the next twists and turns of this ride,  I remember what God had done so far. He has delivered me through physical trials. He has healed my wounds. He has allowed me to see His love in ways I could not have imagined. He has let me to know the love and comfort of family, friends, and even strangers, in ways that most people never have the privilege of seeing. I will not fear my future. I have such a wealth of evidence from my past that I will be okay. I am grabbing my inner-tube and screaming and laughing my way through this ride! I will remember the wonders He has done and watch for the next miracle that lies around the corner! Viva La Schlitterbahn!!!

Moments..

"In the happy moments, praise God. In the difficult moments, seek God. In the quiet moments, trust God. In every moment, thank God." 

We are at MD Anderson this week checking on the progress of my treatment. On days like these you experience such a variety of moments. There is a lot of waiting, a lot of wondering, and a lot of talking to God.  I awoke this morning before the sun could peek through the curtains. In those quiet moments I prayed that regardless of what the day held I would have evidence that God was with me. I prayed for sight to see evidence of His work even when it didn't seem visible to the human eye. I prayed for strength to trust even if the path seemed uncertain. God was eager to show off.

 As I was called back to my first appointment, the technician commented on the cross ring I wear. I told her it was a reminder to me that God was always with me. For the next 30 minutes she spoke to me of God and faith and healing. She told me how God works miracles and examples of how she has seen that happen. She sat knee to knee with me and looked me in the eyes intently as she told me stories of what she had seen God do. Each new message began with, "I have a beautiful story of..." . It was as if she was reaching into a bag and drawing out a precious gift she wanted to unwrap and share with me. I received such evidence that God was with me. God answers prayer.

As we waited for our next appointment, we sat in the cafeteria of this immense hospital. I saw hundreds of people who are in various states of crisis and illness. There are medical needs, financial needs and huge spiritual needs. In these difficult moments, how do we trust there are enough miracles to go around? What separates my prayers from theirs? As I pondered that it occurred to me that with a limited, finite God this would be a crap shoot. We would all be competing against one another for a limited number of miracles. An answer to my prayer might mean there wasn't enough left miracle left for the person at the next table. But my God is not limited or finite. He has enough power to meet every need and still have plenty left over. In these difficult moments He calls me to seek Him and when I do, I will find him. He is faithful. God answers prayers.

As we arrived for our final appointment of the day, we received summaries of the tests that had been performed to assess the progress of my treatment. Lab work-- great! Pulmonary function--great! Tumors--significantly decreased after only two treatments! Want to talk about happy moments? That type of news will make you happy! Praise God!!!  God answers prayers!

"In the happy moments, praise God. In the difficult moments, seek God. In the quiet moments, trust God. In every moment, thank God."  Each new day has a variety of moments. Some will be happy, some will be hard.  Some will be joyful and some will seem frighteningly silent. Know that God is in every moment, but also know that our response may be what allows us to see him --or not. The sun may be shining brilliantly, but if we don't open our eyes we can miss the brilliance of it. Spiritually speaking, The Son may be shining brilliantly, but if we don't open our eyes we may miss the brilliance of Him.  Praise Him. Seek him. Trust Him. Thank Him. God answers prayer. 

Hope Deferred---But Not for Long!

Today I was supposed to go in for round 2 of my Power Aid. I steeled my nerve, put on my big girl hair and prepared to face the challenge. It takes a little  (okay, a lot) of nerve to walk into that place, I cannot lie. But I smiled and bantered when they accessed my port. I cheerfully interacted with the nurse as she updated my information, and  then I tearfully listened as the doctor told me my blood counts were too low for me to have my treatment today. The voice in my head (please tell me you have one, too)  began to scream, "Ugh, all that prep for nothing! This delay throws off our MD Anderson appointments! It means I won't be done by the end of May! It means our Spring Break plans are changed---again!  In our old life we were going to Disney World! Those plans shifted to Houston, and now? Who knows. "

I felt frustrated for a little while, but what do you do? You either sit and have a pity party or you pick up and start walking. I walked. Phooey!

We left the office and went to the main hospital to pick up some medical records that I am supposed to take to MD Anderson-- whenever that is. I called and requested them yesterday and after three call transfers, I was helped by a sweet voice identified as Janice.  She told me she'd have them ready, just to call when I was headed her way. So today I called. She gave me careful directions to find her. When we entered her office I told her how much her helpfulness meant to me. We spoke for maybe two minutes, tops. Records in hand, we thanked her and left. Enter God.

On our way home, Rodney and I stopped to get something  to eat. As we entered the restaurant my phone rang. It was the sweet voice, Janice. She asked me if I had a minute to talk. When I said I did and she began to speak. She told me that she just wanted me to know she had felt compelled (God) to tell me she was going to be praying for me. She said she didn't understand it, but sometimes you just meet people that touch you. She said that she had felt that way when she met me today and wanted to commit to pray for me. By this time I was crying and she was, too. How amazing that a total stranger would 1) want to pray for me, 2) call me to tell me about it and 3) cry with me as she told me. It was such affirmation that even on days when I feel let down, God has His eyes on me. Not only that, but He doesn't want it to be a secret. He wants me to know it. The song (based on Romans 8:28) began to play in my head, "He makes all things work together for my good."

Today wasn't what I planned, but it was exactly what God planned. How do I know? He promises that all things work together for good to those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose. What else did I learn? That a stranger's voice can make a huge difference in someone's life. How many opportunities have I missed to connect to someone? It doesn't take a lot. I know I will be watching for opportunities in the future!

So what now? I wait a week and let my body strengthen then I suck it up and try again. I reschedule MDA appointments. Maybe this just give more time for a miracle. I enjoy Spring Break at home with my family. I avoid sick people like the plague. I spend time being grateful that they are changing all my nausea meds for a better round 2.  I look for chances to be a Janice to someone. You be looking, too! Okay? I want to hear about it when you get your chance!!

Keep marching!