The Storyteller

One of my favorite childhood memories is of days spent on my uncle’s ranch in Gail, Texas. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins would spend the day exploring, hunting arrowheads, and fishing. As the sun began to set on that red clay piece of land we would head back up to the old ranch house. The rustic old house had no electricity or running water and there was something about that that could transport me back in time. While the adults made themselves busy packing up for the day, we kids would gather on the floor around a chair for storytime. With a lantern lit and reflecting dramatically on the face of the storyteller we would lean in to hear the tale. Most often one of my aunts or older cousins would be the storyteller and usually, the story was spooky. The darker it got outside the spookier the stories became. As the tale reached the climax, you could feel yourself tensing up. I would tell myself that this time I wasn’t going to jump and scream. After all, I could anticipate it coming and I was becoming a big kid. No more jumping for big kids. The storyteller would drop their volume causing us to have to lean forward to hear. They would slooowwww down their paaaaacceee, and begin...to speak...in a whisper soooooooooo soft that you …..could hardly…..HEAR IT!!!!! That is when they got you! That little yell right at the end. We would all jump and fall into a fit of laughter acting like we weren’t REALLY scared, (okay, maybe just a little).

For seven years I have been dealing with The Nuisance. Each time I sit waiting for my reports I am just like that kid again. I can anticipate what is coming. I am a “big kid” at this now. No more jumping for “big kids”.  Whatever is coming I won’t be afraid. The room gets deathly quiet as I listen for the footsteps of the doctor coming down the hall. As he comes in I lean forward in my chair. I tell myself that I won’t be caught off guard. I won’t “jump”. This time was especially strange. Because of COVID I had to go in by myself. Everything seems scarier when you are alone. Trying to hear, not be afraid, ask the right questions, and keep it together required a whole new level of focus as I braced myself, determined “not to jump”. I know who has me so I don’t have to be afraid. The doctor begins to tell the story… “We have the reports from your scans…(suspense builds. Don’t jump, Anna, don’t jump) unfortunately,  (I don’t think there was a dramatic pause there, but it sure felt like it) things are continuing to progress. And just like every other time I jumped. He began to run through the options which are a trial with immunotherapy which will require me to go to Houston every three weeks for treatment or I can do chemo. Surgery and radiation are not on the table right now since the spots are not all in the same location.  I don’t have to decide today, he tells me. Talk it over with your family and let us know. Logic says I knew that was coming and yet it still gets me every single time. I jumped.

The day or so after one of these visits there is a lot of wrestling that goes on in my mind. Trying to process, trying to problem solve, trying to predict is messy business. I hate that part, but every time it happens God gives me a gift that helps me work it through. This time the storyteller was my gift. You know the cool thing about being a storyteller is that you get to decide how to tell the story. When I was a kid whoever was sitting in the chair got to pick the topic and the story, but they weren’t the only ones with choice. There was also a choice about whether to listen or not. No one said we HAD to sit and listen. We chose that. 

In life, we have to be careful about the stories we are listening to. I think that is super evident in the world we are living with right now. We are being tossed about by all kinds of storytellers, but who is speaking the truth? Who is speaking from a place of wisdom? Who should we be listening to?  We have to have so much discernment to sit at the feet of the right storyteller. As I wrestle more with the news I received this week I have a choice. I can listen to the storyteller who says The Nuisance is growing and proceeds to tell me all the scary things associated with that or I can listen to the storyteller who acknowledges that The Nuisance is growing but goes on to add that it is still slow (PRAISE GOD) it is not pressing on an organ (PRAISE GOD) I can postpone treatment a little longer (PRAISE GOD). Why in the world would I stay locked in on the storyteller of fear when I can listen to the storyteller of  PRAISE?! And just like that, I am released from the fear that tries to grab me. In a bible study a few weeks ago our teacher said,  “Praise powers perspective.” I find that to be so wise and so true. As soon as we shift our ears to the storyteller of praise our whole perspective on a situation can begin to change. 

So here I sit at a crossroads of decision. One that I have been sitting at for the past year and a half. I feel so good right now and the boogers are not pressing on any organs to cause immediate danger. It is hard to think of sacrificing all of that. I am in the strangest place of measuring risk against reward. Chemo and immunotherapy can trigger a whole new series of problems and one lesson I have learned is that there are some things worse than cancer. So I am pondering. I am praying for wisdom. Sometimes being still is the wisest choice. As I sit in the stillness I will choose to listen to the storyteller of praise. I will listen to the true author of my story and the one who knows both the beginning and the end. God has never failed me. He will not start now!

You have storytellers jockeying for your attention as well. They are trying to get you to lean in and listen. Some are selling fear, some are selling anxiety, some are selling flat out lies. Choose your storyteller wisely. They may hold the seat but they do not have to hold your attention. When you are overwhelmed by fear and anxiety let the storyteller of PRAISE change your focus. Remember the ONE true story.

As I shift the narrative of my story from one of fear to praise, I am thankful for you! I am thankful for your encouragement and prayer. I am thankful to God who has been so faithful in my past allowing me to know he will continue to be faithful in my future. I am thankful for my family, my friends, my church, and my coworkers who love me through hard times. I cannot do this alone. Thank you for helping me rewrite my story!