A Disobedient Mind and a Pony

Do you ever decide to do something only to find that your mind will not cooperate? It goes something like this:

You:  "I am going to work out everyday this week!" 
Mind: "Um, you know there is a new season of your show on Netflix, right? I don't think so." 

You: "I am going to eat healthy." 
Mind: "After this Oreo (package), perhaps." 

You: "I am going to clean out my closet today."
Mind: "You might be able to fit into those jeans from high school someday. Better slow your roll."

You: "I am going to stick to my budget this month."
Mind: "SALE!!!!!"

You: "I am going to choose Joy." 
Mind: "Actually, I'd like to remind you of 12,000 reasons that you absolutely will not!"

Sound familiar to you? I feel ya! My mind and I have been having a little bit of a discipline issue this week and like a stubborn 2 year old, it just has not wanted to submit to authority! 

This week we went back to MD Anderson to check on the Nuisance (aka cancer). We did the usual blood work, scans, and doctors. We have been through this many times over the past seven (hard to believe) years. The reports were a mixed bag. There was some growth noted on the spots we have been watching. Not what I wanted to hear. The good news is the spots are not compromising my health right now and we are going to continue our watch and see approach.  But here is how my mind game has gone this week:

Me: "Not exactly what I hoped for, but I am SOOO grateful that we get to coast a little longer and that the growth is slow!"
Mind: "But didn't you hear, it GREW?!"

Me: "But it grew slow and I feel GREAT. That is something to be thankful for!"
Mind: "Listen, it GREW. It is PROGRESSING. You may have avoided treatment for now, but you know that won't last forever, right?"

Me: "Maybe you're right. (anxiety creeps up) Maybe I should be worried about that.(sighs deeply, swallows hard)  Here, will you hold my joy while I worry about that awhile?"
Mind: "Of course I will. I am here for you. A person in your position doesn't really have time for joy anyway."

That has been the last few days in my head and it makes me so mad! I have been shown over and over and over in the past seven years that there is always something to be grateful for.There is always hope. There is joy if you seek it.  I know that things can be okay even if things are not all right.  And yet I always get knocked down for a bit after I get bad news. My mind is disobedient. And that infuriates me!

I read some brain research this week that the brain perceives negative stimuli faster and with more intensity that positive stimuli. In fact, the research shows that positive experiences are harder for us to spot. In tests they have noted that the brain picks up on negative stimuli within 1/10th of a second. However, positive experiences must be focused on for 12 seconds longer before we retain it in our memory. That shows that our human nature is to pick up on the negativity around us. We have to work to overcome that bias. We are wired to perceive threats and respond quickly. Sometimes that tendency defeats our pursuit of happiness. There is a verse that I have come to understand in a whole new way in the past years. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." Our human nature sometimes argues against what we know to be true about the character of God. I know him to be a provider, a healer, and a sustainer. Yet my nature argues and struggles against that when I am threatened. In those moments I have to fight all the harder to make my thoughts obedient to what I know to be true. 

You and I are in a constant battle for our minds. Whether we are trying to change a habit, change a behavior, or change an emotion, sometimes we are having to fight our own selves. It is possibly the most important battle we will ever fight. We have a choice in EVERY circumstance about how we will respond and how we will view the world around us. In a world that can seem especially dark right now this is an important skill to acquire. It is okay to take a hit and experience some pain and sorrow, but if we want to have a quality life we can't sit there long. We have to SEEK THE GOOD even in the bad. It reminds me of a story I heard this week of twin brothers. One was an eternal optimist, the other an eternal pessimist. Their father sought to balance them out. He took the eternal pessimist into a room filled with the best and shiniest toys. The brother immediately began to cry. The father was surprised by the reaction when the boy began to whine, "They will probably all break or get lost." He walked his optimistic son to the next room which was filled with manure. The stench almost knocked them over when they opened the door. To his shock the optimistic son jumped into the manure and started digging. The father cried, "What are you DOING?!" to which the happy boy replied, "There MUST be a pony in here SOMEWHERE!"

We, my friends, have choices. In the best of times we can choose to focus on the negative and lose our joy and in the worst of times we can focus on the positive and find it. It is a matter of controlling our disobedient minds. I want to challenge you to set your intentions on holding your thoughts captive and seeking the positive around you. Take charge of your internal dialogue and remember all the blessings of the past. In all things there is something good if we seek it. Look for the ponies!