A Bed of Roses

A few weeks ago while on our way to MD Anderson, this rose bush caught my eye. Actually, it was more of a thorn bush with a few sporadic roses sprinkled about. The stark beauty caught my attention and I made Rodney stop so that I could grab a picture. The contrast between the "dead", thorny bushes and the bright red flowers had its own kind of beauty that I couldn't help but capture.

If you're reading this there is a good chance that you already know that on that trip we didn't get the news we hopefully expected. Rather than finding out that "The Nuisance" was stable and unremarkable, we were told that there had been some growth in spots and that a new spot was observed.  We were crushed. We have a lot of unknowns before us and so many decisions that we cannot even begin to make at this time.  Many of you have joined us in saying, "Phooey" and we cannot tell you how grateful we are for the love, encouragement, and prayers that you have poured on our family. Your cards, texts, and posts have helped us get our feet back under us and move from an emotionally reactive place to a place where we can process better and think through what the best next steps will look like. WE THANK YOU FOR THAT!!

There are so many things we wish were different. Obviously, we'd love to never have to face this again. We worry about the boys in their senior year, about the side effects of possible trials, about the cost of traveling frequently to Houston, about the future, about...., about..., about..., the list goes on an on. If we aren't careful it is easy to be swamped with those thoughts. It would be easy to say, "This isn't fair. We've already done this...TWICE." It would be simple to think "Why us? Why now?"  or  "We are pretty good folks, why does this happen?" And then I am reminded of the bush.

You see, often when trials come we feel like the bad things are unfair. We tend to have a view that life is supposed to be a bed of roses and that the thorns should be few and far between. We believe that the roses are the dominant part of life when the truth is just the opposite. Life is not a bed of roses. Life is a bed of thorns and the goodness of God allows roses to grow in in the midst of the thorns of life.  Now before you think that is a pessimistic view (because I am anything but a pessimist) consider these thoughts. 

You and I live in a BROKEN world. Sometimes the thorns in our lives happen because of the bad things we or others have done, sometimes they happen because of external things in the world around us. And sometimes they just happen. John 13:33 says, "In this world, you will have trouble." That is the norm. That is what we can expect. That is the bed of thorns we live in, but the beauty comes in the second part of that passage and says, " But TAKE HEART!!! I have overcome the world!" There is the rose! I am going to have trouble. It is a given. Today it is the Nuisance but it could easily be something else. The shock is not that it happens. We are promised there will be trouble. The shock is the beautiful things that grow in the midst of the thorns. I have to be honest if I got what I really deserved it wouldn't be the blossom. I am a hot mess, living in a fallen world. I deserve the thorns, but because of God's love for me, he doesn't give me what I deserve. In fact, his son Jesus wore my thorns upon his brow so that I could see the roses. That is the most beautiful gift in the world. He didn't deserve the thorns, he deserved the roses. And yet he bore the thorns for me. When I consider that I cannot say that this isn't fair. All I can say is THANK YOU that in this bed of thorns I can count on God to show me roses. 

 The bushes also remind me about the power of perspective. When the trials come, what do we focus on? We have a decision, and it is truly a conscious decision to make, do we focus on the roses or the thorns? Some people in our world see only the hard, thorny, rough pieces of their lives. Oh, how they miss out on the beauty that exists. The roses are there, but you have to be willing to see them. Once you begin to watch for them you will notice them everywhere. And then an amazing thing happens. The thorns do not go away, those rough branches and sharp edges are still a reality of life, but they become completely overshadowed by the roses. And as the roses overpower the thorns life begins to change (there is the optimist in me!). It changes for you, for your family, for your friends, for your community and in our world. I find that incredible.

So I will be honest. We wish this thorn didn't exist and that we had answers to all our questions. I know you wish the same in your current lives, but we claim this verse:

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven into despair, persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Life is a big ole bed of thorns, but THANK GOD for the roses!!!!!

Update:

 Thanks so much to those of you who are praying for us. So many of you have asked how you can help us and really right now we need only one thing -- prayers for information and clarity. We are trying to gather all the facts to help guide our decisions. The radiology report we received mentioned growth and a new spot but did not provide much detail on where, how many, how much. I will not move a muscle until I have that information. When dealing with a chronic disease one has to plot moves carefully. There are only so many surgeries, radiations, chemo, etc. that I can have over the course of my life. We are grateful that there may be some new options to add to our list of options and we also want to use each one at just the right moment. Please pray that we are able to get better information on what we are actually dealing with and the urgency (or hopeful lack thereof) of the need for treatment. If we can coast awhile we want to coast. Pray that once we are armed with that information that we know what the next steps should be and when.