Do you remember when you were a kid and had worked so hard to build something out of blocks only to have it come tumbling down? Sometimes someone accidentally tipped things over, other times it was an intentional act. Occasionally you were the incidental source of destruction, and sometimes there was just no apparent cause for why things fell. They just did. When it all came tumbling down sometimes we got angry, sometimes we cried, and sometimes just "took our blocks and went home".
Then we grew up and we set childish things aside and got busy building our lives only to discover that sometimes things still come tumbling down. As adults, we work so hard to get everything stacked neatly. We lay a foundation for a family. We add walls of careers. We embellish with friends and activities. We carefully structure it so that everything looks good on the outside. About the time we settle in and think, "This is just what I had in mind", something happens to make it all come tumbling down. Just like in the block pile at kindergarten, the cause of the collapsing might be accidental. There is an unexpected car wreck or a bill you sincerely meant to pay. Other times it is caused by a very intentional attack upon us -- the divorce papers out of nowhere, the gossip behind our backs, the bullying of our kids. Sometimes as we sit in the debris we realize we are the source of our own destruction. That word we said, that action we took, that choice we made led to a consequence of crumbling. Finally, there are those times that there just doesn't seem to be an explanation. We have done the right things, been in the right places, prayed the right prayers and yet here we sit.
For the last few weeks, I have been sitting in a pile of blocks. After we discovered that "The Nuisance" had returned and then we discovered that there was even more spots than we knew about I once again felt as if some big ole bully had come and kicked down the blocks of my life. With sadness I watched my boys faces fall when we told them we were back on the battlefield. With fear I grieved over the potential collapse of my health. With disappointment I wrestled with the losing the strength I have been rebuilding for the past six years. With anger I understood that this destruction is taking place just when my boys are at such a critical turning point with graduation in May and college in August and will have a great cost. Just like that kid in kindergarten I have felt angry, I have cried, and I have SO wanted to just take my blocks and go home!
You know the feeling because you have been there too. It isn't just cancer that brings about destruction on either a large or small scale. Remember how you felt it when you watched as your child was struggling in school or didn't make the team? Oh, and that time that you REALLY wanted that job but it didn't work out? Yes, you felt it then as well. Then there was that time that your relationship was on the rocks. Everything you two had been working for began to crumble. You DEFINITELY felt it then. You know how I feel because at different times in life you have been sitting in a pile of rubble too. You felt angry, or sad, or disappointed, or afraid, or all of the above! Because we all will. In our lives, probably multiple times, something will come along to knock down our blocks. It has been happening since the beginning of time. (Thanks Adam and Eve. Just kidding, if it hadn't of been you it would have been me!) So what do we do?
For the past couple of weeks I have been desperately wanting to get to rebuilding, but I was STRUGGLING!!!! HARD!!!! I tried to mask the level of my despair, but I am going to be fully transparent here, I wasn't okay. My faith has never been stronger, yet I have rarely felt weaker. There have been moments when I have been scrambling to figure out what I can do to fix things. There have been times I have sat alone and cried, not wanting anyone to see my tears. I began to realize that I was seeking my building plans in books, and blogs, and doctors when that was not where they are. So I turned to the Master Builder and he began to remind me of some important truths through a story captured in the Bible in Nehemiah chapter 4.
In our rebuilding, we will experience ebbs and flows in our strength and courage. We must constantly remember where our strength comes from.
Nehemiah was a man who was responsible for leading the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem. The walls of that great city had been destroyed, but Nehemiah had been called by God to lead the Jews to rebuild. As he did so the Jewish people experienced many emotions. In the beginning they worked with all of their hearts (Nehemiah 4:6) and they made progress. But as they continued to work they felt their strength fail.
"There is so much rubble that we cannot build the wall." (vs 6). They became overwhelmed by the immensity of the task at hand. As we begin the process of picking up our own pieces we have to remember that there will be moments when we feel inspired and courageous and there will be other times that we can barely shoulder the load. When you and I are weak it is to our benefit to remember that God is not and that "
he is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine." (Ephesians 3:20) Our strength will ebb and flow, but His does not.
There will be times that we experience fear and must remind ourselves who fights for us.
The Jewish people rebuilding the walls had moments of great fear where the outside forces seemed too powerful. They had received direct threats and were overwhelmed with fear of their enemies attacking (vs 10-12). You and I have an enemy that LOVES to attack when we are weak. He feeds off our fear. (OHHH that makes me so MAD!!!!!) In those times we must "
Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome and fight ...
for your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes" (vs 14). When we are under attack and afraid it is more important than ever to remember the awesomeness of our God, THEN we can be ready to fight. And fight we must-- for our spouse, our children, our homes. We don't just do it for ourselves, we do it for those we love.
We cannot rebuild our lives on our own. We need people to stand in the gap for us.
Nehemiah recognized that the rebuilding of the wall could only be completed if there were people standing in the gaps while the laborers worked. He made sure that half of the men did the work of rebuilding while the other half posted themselves in the gaps and behind the workers with weapons at the ready. With that security in place, the workers could do their thing. (vs. 16-17) You and I need that, too! This week I finally broke down with a dear friend who reminded me I couldn't do this alone. I do not like for my family to be afraid or worried. I do not like my friends to feel like they have to carry me. If you have read much of my stuff or know me in real life then you know I like to do it myself and protect others. That isn't okay. Once I set that down and let people see my gaps they eagerly stepped in armed with the power of prayer. I felt the warriors line up behind me and almost immediately I felt a very literal weight come off my chest. God did not intend for us to do life alone. I need you. You need me. We must stand in the gaps for one another if we are going to succeed at rebuilding.
While we rebuild we need to stay alert.
When we begin to feel the fear reside a little and our strength returning it is very easy to fall back into the work of rebuilding and shift our focus but we have to stay alert for unexpected attacks by the enemy. About the time we think we are safe that enemy will pull a sneak attack. So while we rebuild we need to stay armed.
"Those who carried materials did their work with one hand and held a weapon in the other, and each of the builders wore his sword at his side as he worked." (vs. 17). How do we arm ourselves? Psalm 28:7 says, "
The Lord is my strength and my shield." If He is our shield then we must stay behind him. We must
follow him. In order for a shield to provide any protection, it must be out in front. As soon as we creep ahead on our own we are outside his protective covering. That is a dangerous place to be. I finalized realized that in the last few weeks I have been moving out ahead of him trying to figure out the best way to heal myself. Truth is, I can't. HE is my healer. HE is our protector. HE is the source of our strength. We arm ourselves as described in Ephesians 16:10-18 "
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people." As we begin to rebuild we arm ourselves and stay alert. We aren't fighting a physical battle even though it may feel this way. This is spiritual warfare. Stay on guard.
REMEMBER who fights for us.
Rebuilding is hard work. It will have emotional, physical, and spiritual ups and downs, but "Our God will fight for us." (vs 20) That is where our hope comes from. I can give testimony to the fact that each time I thought things were impossible He has stepped in and proven that impossible for me is not impossible for him. He is so faithful yet in our human weakness we are quick to forget that. REMEMBER!!!!
Keep Working
When things in our lives have been knocked down it is okay to sit there for a minute and cry. It is okay to be angry and hurt. It is okay to question. All of those emotions we experience are valid and we shouldn't feel ashamed or wrong to have them. We should tell God about it. We can tell him about our hurt. We can be honest about our anger. He is big enough to hear our worry and fear. And after we have taken that moment to feel and to pray, we remember the first few words of Nehemiah 4:21, "So we continued the work..." Satan would love nothing more than to leave us in our rubble. He would like nothing more than to win. But he forgets who fights for us. So we take a deep breath and remind ourselves that God will fight for us. We step back behind God's shield and call our warriors to stand in the gap for us. We bend down and pick up our weapons, wipe off the tears and continue the work.
I remember back to those days in the block pile of my childhood. Nothing made me angrier than a bully. I would stand up to them on my behalf and I would stand up to them on the behalf of others. Right now I am facing a bully I call "The Nuisance". I have cried and I have mourned. I have worried and been afraid, and while my walls may experience a little crumbling as I go I WILL NOT let it tear me down because God fights for me ---when I get out of his way and let him. Now it is time for the season of rebuilding. Is it time for you as well? Are you reading this from your own pile of rubble? Have you been crying, angry and just ready to take your blocks and go home? Don't give in to that. Come on. I will stand in your gap and you can stand in mine.
