Our lives are a complex web of relationships. They say that there are only seven degrees of separation between any of us. I don’t know if that is true, but I do know that God has used an amazing collection of people to shape my life. Some of them I know on a very deep level and some I have never even met, but they have touched me just the same. I am so grateful for that. Recently I have been reflecting on a lesson I am learning from a family friend. Her family has prayed for me during the past five years with the Nuisance and my family has prayed for her in the past year as she has dealt with health issues that have ultimately led to the loss of her leg recently. She has had an amazing spirit during that struggle that has touched my heart! You might remember that we threw a party when it was time to shave my hair with chemo. My friend is a woman after my own heart-- her family threw a bon voyage party for her leg the day before it was removed. She reminds me the importance of seeking joy in trials. Recently she posted an update on Facebook. It was exciting to hear that she is getting better every day. One comment she made has really been making me think lately. In her post she said, “The phantom pains that you’ve always heard about are certainly real. You have no idea how real. But I’ll get through that, too.” I just can’t seem to stop thinking about that statement. I have phantom pains, too. My guess is you do as well. While my friend’s pains are physical I think that many of us struggle with emotional and spiritual phantom pains. The phantom pains of fear, regret, loss, guilt, painful memories, bitterness, anger, lack of forgiveness, rejection, and so many others have the ability to immobilize us if we allow them to. (And PS, I think Satan thinks that is hysterical!)
I did a little research and one of the treatments of phantom pains is mirror therapy. In this treatment the patient watches in a mirror while receiving physical therapy to help remap the brain. It helps the brain begin to recognize that the source of pain is no longer there. The reflection helps with the healing. God’s word serves as a mirror that can help us remap our minds as well.
Emotional phantom pains they are a result of something that is broken. One of my greatest phantom pains is fear. Memories of pain and illness with The Nuisance (aka cancer) can sometimes transport me right back to those moments, especially times like today when I am headed back to MD Anderson for the next round of tests. The mirror I hold up to remind me that pain is no longer here is Isaiah 41:10. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” The phantom pain whispers “What if you have to do chemo again? What if you can’t postpone surgery? What if? What if? What if?” but my God says, “I know the plans I have for you…Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) I can move beyond the phantom pain because “I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalm 34:4)
I have friends battle the phantom pain of rejection, but the mirror says, “But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.” (Psalm 10:14) It says, “See how much the Father has loved us! His love is so great that we are called God’s children – and so, in fact we are.” (1 John 3:1) The phantom pain taunts rejection, our Father says “I will never leave you or forsake you!" (Deuteronomy 31:8)
Some of us wrestle the phantom pain of regret and/or guilt. We can’t let go of something we did or said long ago, but God says, “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever, but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.” (Micah 7:18-19) It says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12) Then he reminds us, “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” and “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. “ (Isaiah 1:18) The phantom pain says the mistakes were too big. The mirror says God is bigger!
Bitterness, anger, and lack of forgiveness are great sources of phantom pain for many. The phantom pain cries out that forgiveness is weakness and we have the right to be angry, but the healing comes through Colossians 3:13 which says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Just as it often requires physical therapy (PT) to overcome the pain of the body, sometimes we need spiritual therapy (ST) to overcome the pain of the soul. PT requires staring in the mirror for a reality check. ST requires staring into the heart of our father to see how much He desires to bring joy from our pain. I hope that you are not struggling with Phantom Pains, but if you are I want to encourage you. Don’t let the pain that is over steal the joy that is waiting to begin. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3) “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
My friend had it right when she said, “The phantom pains that you’ve always heard about are certainly real. You have no idea how real. But I’ll get through that, too.” Yes, with God’s promises we most certainly will!
