There Is No Place Like Home!

This morning as I opened my eyes and stretched my arms and legs I channeled my inner Dorothy, "There is no place like home. There is no place like home! THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME!"  What a delight to sleep in my own bed, in my own room, in my own house. 

It is the little things that make home home. Waking to your own alarm clock (okay, that was an accident; I didn't realize that it was set -- SNOOZE!); drinking from your favorite coffee cup; sitting on your favorite spot on the couch; listening to your kids talk; bathing your dog (what DID they get into while I was away?!?); lighting your favorite candle; hearing the familiar sounds of life as you know it all around you; all those little things that we sometimes take for granted make our homes Home. Three weeks is a long time to be away from home, but it is nothing compared to another I know. 

This Easter weekend I cannot help but be reminded of another who left his home. He didn't do it to save his own life like I did, in fact, he did it to save mine. He did it to save yours. "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost." (Luke 19:20) He wasn't gone from his home for three weeks, he was gone for 33 years. During that time he gave up all the luxuries of home in order to fulfill his purpose-  to save us from our sin when we couldn't save ourselves. "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9) He was hung on a cross, buried in a borrowed tomb and on the third day rose again. Then, finally, he got to go home - to prepare a place for us! "In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. (John 14:2-3)  

One day we will TRULY be home. And that is the source of my strength. So while I celebrate my homecoming, on this particular weekend I have even greater celebration. I get to celebrate what Christ has done to save me through the cross. I celebrate the healing He has brought in my life and the overcoming of death in His, "For by his stripes I am healed." (Isaiah 53:5) I celebrate the words "It is finished" as I mark the end of radiation treatment, but even more so as I think about them in the context of the cross. "It is finished". (John 19:30) Death is conquered. Salvation is possible. His mission is fulfilled. I celebrate the closing of one chapter of my life and the beginning of the next, yet even more I celebrate that the cross was not the end of the story, but the beginning. "But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him." (Acts 2:24). I celebrate this weekend with gratitude for what Christ has done in my life and expectancy for what He will do in the future--  because the story is not over. One day He will return and when he does there will be a homecoming that will put mine to shame. " At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near." (Luke 21:27-28)

I have much to celebrate! So do you! There is no place like home!

More to tell on this picture soon!!!!!

Progress Updates: We are so grateful to have completed 15 rounds of Proton Radiation! Things went very smoothly and the side effects have been very minimal-- the doctors were very pleased! My skin has had much less reaction than they anticipated which is great. Just feels like a mild sunburn. My swallowing feels a little like something is caught in my throat, but not bad at all. It seems to get tired a little faster when I talk (Rodney and the boys may like that effect! LOL) The fatigue has caught up with me a little in the past few days, but I am hopeful that will pass quickly. I did not realize that the radiation would continue to cause some progressive damage for the next two weeks or so which means some of those things could continue to be impacted, but I have high expectations!! We will go back in a couple of months for scans to see how we are looking. I was surprised to learn that the spot will still be visible on scans (I guess I just thought that it would be obliterated) so they watch the scans just to be certain that it doesn't show signs of life. There are two other spots that we will continue to watch as well. It is likely that we will have to do surgery at some point, but these are slow growing thus far and are not posing a huge risk so we can watch and see a little longer. (I know it seems so strange, but this is the normal with this type of nuisance.) We continue to be thankful for the love and support that everyone has shown us. I honestly do not know where we would be without it! This round seems a little strange because we will have not final outcome of No Evidence of Disease (NED). Part of me feels a little anti-climatic about not being able to say "WE'RE DONE", but the other part of me says, "Oh HUSH, we're done with THIS part!!!" I guess I will listen to that voice! (Don't be alarmed that I am hearing voices - LOL) Thanks for loving us and praying us on!!!!

Standing Where the Fire Has Already Been

Dr. Erwin Lutzer once shared this story, "Many years ago, a father and his daughter were walking through the grass on the Canadian prairie. In the distance, they saw a prairie fire, and they realized that it would soon engulf them. The father knew there was only one way of escape: they would quickly begin a fire right where they were and burn a large patch of grass. When the huge fire drew near, they then would stand on the section that had already burned. When the flames did approach them, the girl was terrified but her father assured her, ‘The flames can’t get to us. We are standing where the fire has already been.’

I came across that story this week and it spoke to my heart.  I have to be honest and say that I sometimes feel like the little girl in the story. The emotions of seeing the flames of the Nuisance creeping across the prairie of my life can sometimes threaten to engulf me, too. I hoped that I would never see those flames again and yet here I am; but just like the little girl in the story, I have a Father who assures me, "The flames can't get to you. You are standing where the fire has already been."  You notice the father didn't say that the flames wouldn't come. He didn't say they wouldn't feel the heat. There were no promises that they wouldn't be singed a little by the flames. They would definitely walk away smelling like smoke, but the flames wouldn't reach them. They were standing where the fire has already been. 

There are many thoughts I have had as I have reflected on this story.  I can't say that there is no fear or discomfort in having to go through treatment for round 2 of the Nuisance, but I can say that having witnessed the fire before I know more of what to expect. Having survived a proverbial blaze I now know more about the importance of holding onto my Father's hand so I don't get separated from him. I know to look at him instead of the flames because the flames are fueled by fear and if I stare at them it is like adding gasoline to the fire. I have learned that being safe does not always mean being comfortable. Fire can still be hot even if it isn't touching you. I have learned to believe that if my father says it will be okay then it will be okay. 

Now that last statement requires taking the lesson to a deeper level. Believing that things will be okay means coming to the realization that God's okay and my okay may not be defined in the same way and I have to trust that His definition, whatever it is, will better than mine. This is where the metaphor moves in a different direction, flames can shift after all.  What if God's okay and our okay are not defined the same way and it involves death? Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego faced that possibility in Daniel 3. They refused to bow down and worship King Nebuchadnezzar and as a result they were being thrown into a fiery furnace. I always hope my response would be like theirs, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”  Their okay was that they be saved from the flame (which He ultimately did), but their conviction was that even if He didn't they would worship Him still.  Believers can always trust that God's okay is better.  "The flames (death) can't get to us. We are standing where the fire (death) has already been." My okay says that I will come through the fire and have many beautiful days ahead (which I do believe to be true!!!!) BUT even if I don't, I have this assurance-- I am standing where the fire has already been. You see, the thing that gives me the greatest courage is this:  "For God so loved the world that he lay down his one and only son, that whosoever believes in him will not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16. Someday, either now or 50 years from now, we will all face death, but those  who have accepted Jesus as savior will not be touched by that flame. We will be standing where the fire of Christ's death for us has already been and that spot cannot be touched by death again. Our bodies may fail, but our souls will be secure. That is how we can trust with certainty that His okay will always be better than our okay. That is how we can have courage when we face difficult circumstances. That is how we find peace even in the face of fire.

Do you have struggles in your life that you seem to deal with over and over? Maybe it is the weight that you have to keep losing or the debt you keep having to struggle with. Perhaps it is an argument that you just can't seem to resolve or an illness that just won't go away. Maybe it is all of those things and more! That is how the Nuisance is for me. Where there are prairies there will always be fires. My advice is to hold onto the hand of the Father, fix your eyes on him and trust that while you may smell like a campfire, the flames won't reach you. On a larger scale, my hope is you never have to face the flames of death without the security of believing in one who died on your behalf. For God loved YOU so much that he gave Jesus so that if you believe in him you will not die, but have everlasting life.  As a believer you can trust that the flames can't reach your soul. You are standing where the fire has already been.

I have finished five rounds or Proton Radiation this week (speaking of fire)! We continue to be grateful for you prayers and encouragement! I am feeling great. While we know the effects of radiation are cumulative, we are hopeful that the next two weeks will go as well as the first! 

Thank you for praying us on!

"He (Nebuchadnezzar) said, "Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods." Nebuchadnezzar then approaced the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here! So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched and there was no smell of fire on them. Then Nebuchadnezzar said, "Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king's command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God...for no other god can save in this way."

When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.

Isaiah 43:2

Choose to Be Pink in a Sea of White!

Day 1 of Radiation is in the books! The countdown is on! The process was super easy, especially compared to some of the other stuff we have had to do to The Nuisance in the past. The machine they use is a BEAST! It is the size of a room. Pretty amazing! It is mind boggling to me that this technology exists! Who can imagine what the future holds?!

Photo Credit: MD Anderson Proton Center

We are so grateful to be able to do the Proton version of radiation as it does less harm to surrounding organs and tissue. It has a lower risk of secondary nuisances so we are grateful for that! The therapy can give a higher dose of radiation with a lot more accuracy. I hope to learn more about how it works as we move forward! For now I am just imagining a giant game of Space Invaders going on and blasting the little booger into oblivion!

After treatment we headed to one of my favorite spots - Hermann Park. We are so blessed to be staying right across the street. It is a happy place for me! As we walked through the park we admired the beautiful Azaelas that were blooming all around every corner. Spring has definitely sprung! As we rounded a corner my eye was immediately drawn to this bush: 

In a long row of white azaelas there was one small branch of pink. The thought immediately occurred to me, “Choose to be pink in a sea of white.”  Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  I don’t know about you, but I find conforming to be almost a passive act. I don’t have to try very hard to conform to the world — I have to fight NOT to.  Paul was saying that the only way to be transformed, to be something different, to stand out from the world, is to renew your mind. When we take time to refresh our minds then we begin to have more clarity of what God is whispering to our souls. I am afraid that whisper is often drowned out by the noise of the world. As I snapped a photo of the pink flowers, I thought of all my friends who are on Spring Break this week. I hope that you are taking some time to renew your minds this week and that you get the rejuvenation you need to be PINK in a sea of white!

Choose to Be Pink in a Sea of White!

Thanks my friends for praying us on! We know good things lie ahead for us! We are grateful for each and every one of YOU!!!!! Stay tuned!

Victory Laps

One of my favorite definitions of faith is that faith is believing in what God has already done. My guess is that the person who first made that statement was referring to the ability to trust that God has already taken care of the future outcome of our various situations; that he has gone before us to work all things together for our good and all we have to do is trust him. While I do believe that, the phrase has always spoken a little differently to me. Sometimes people ask how I can have faith that things are going to be okay (one way or another) in the future. In order to answer that question I have to point to my past. My faith in the future is built on HIS faithfulness in the past. Yesterday I had a beautiful reminder of just that.

My dear friend, Ann Archer, has been a part of the American Cancer Society Relay for Life for years following the loss of her husband, Jo Paul in 2005. She has given tireless hours to raise funds and awareness so that others don't have to experience the loss she and her girls have had to experience. Over time her commitment to this cause has changed countless lives. She has walked with friends who are on the same path. Her life makes a difference in the battle against the C word! Yesterday she helped organize Relay Recess 2018. Students from local elementary schools joined in the walk to support the American Cancer Society. I, and other survivors like me, was invited to come walk the opening lap. Together we held the banner and made our way around the track, while the students cheered and yelled and clapped. As we walked to celebrate what we have overcome, my mind began to recognize the irony of the moment. While I circled the track in victory over the past, my heart began to tremble with thoughts of the future. The cheers began to fade away and the jeers of fear began to fight for my attention. It was ironic to be celebrating beating the Nuisance while preparing to leave to go fight it again. Tears sprang up behind my sunglasses as that old uncertainty threatened to overtake my mind BUT just as quickly my mind was able to reflect back on the past five years. I AM A SURVIVOR. Time and again our needs have been met. Over and over and over people like you have stepped into our lives to help us when we can't go it alone. I have seen miracles. I have had peace. I have seen joy where there should only have been sorrow. I have seen my boys protected and covered from harm through all of this struggle. Doors have been thrown open that should have been closed. I have found beauty in scars that were meant to defeat me. I can have faith in the future because I have seen these things in my past. What He has done before He will do again.  Even when things don't turn out the way I want and pray, they still turn out for my good. I can look back and ALWAYS find that to be true. As I ran through that list in my mind, once again I could hear the cheers and clapping. The fears were silenced by faith, they were replaced with hope. Wars are won by multiple battles. I have won a battle and I will win the war.

I think we all go through times that we struggle with faith. How can we not? It is an elusive thought. It seems intellectually unsound, fundamentally unbelievable, naive at best. If you try to reduce it to science or logic it falls apart in your hands. But some things aren't meant to be explained or understood. They just are. Love is more than a chemical reaction. Joy is greater than a rush of endorphins and serotonin. We can't always explain it, but we feel it, we see evidence of it, sometimes in the strangest of places, and if we are smart we grab it up and revel in it. Faith is much like that. I may not be able to answer every question about faith. There is no formula or equation to explain it, and honestly there are times that it makes no sense, and yet my life is overflowing with evidence that I have every reason to believe. Not that it always goes my way, not that there aren't struggles, not that there is never fear, but somehow, every time, God shows up. Faith is believing what God has already done. Faith conquers fear!

As we walked the last half of the lap, my thoughts shifted from celebration of the past to anticipation of the future. The Survivor's Lap was a promise fulfilled and a new promise made.

For I am about to do something new.

    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?

I will make a pathway through the wilderness.

    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19

Monday I will begin proton radiation treatments at MD Anderson. While we dread being away from our boys we know that this, too is for our good and we are thankful. Somewhere down the road we will probably be facing additional surgery, but for now we are focusing on one spot near my carotid and brachiocephalic arteries. We are ready to zap that little booger! We continue to be so blessed by your prayers and support. Thank you will never be enough for all you have done to love and encourage us. Thank you for helping our family. Thank you for loving us, praying for us, and meeting our physical needs through your gifts. Our hearts are overwhelmed! We love you! 

And Then They Came

Have you ever had those times in life where circumstances paralyzed you? When I say paralyzed I am asking in a very broad sense of the word. Sometimes life paralyzes us physically where we are incapacitated to the point of being unable to move in either a literal or figurative sense. Other times events occur that cause us to be paralyzed emotionally, financially, socially, or spiritually. I think if we are quite honest we have all faced that at some point in our lives. While we would like to believe that we are independent and capable of moving ourselves forward in life, there are times that circumstances are too great and we cannot meet our own needs. That is a hard place to be. I believe our human nature is designed to be able to provide for ourselves in order to survive, so dependency goes against every grain in most of our bodies. Personally I was born with an X-Large independence bone; it doesn't show up on x-rays but my parents will confirm the diagnosis. I loathe the need for dependence and yet right now fearless dependence is all I have to help make me brave. The irony of that conflict is not lost on me. I am learning new lessons about it every day. This week as we have been trying to make preparations to be in Houston for three weeks of radiation treatment, I have been overwhelmed by the circumstances. Getting calendars aligned, making arrangements to make sure my sweet boys are taken care of while we are gone, completing insurance paperwork, arranging travel, locating lodging, making certain my work responsibilities are covered, and covering all the bases in between has led me to moments this week when I literally find myself walking in a circle, paralyzed and unable to move myself forward. And then they came.  

A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. 2 They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. 3 Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. 4 Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. 5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.... 11 I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” 12 He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!” (Mark 2:1-12)

Just like the man in this story, friends have stepped forward and taken a corner of my mat to help move me to the healer. I love that the man's friends in the story would not allow any obstacle to stand between them and their mission of having their friend healed. When they could not get through the door, they came down through the roof. This week God has placed people in our life who have been dedicated to overcoming any obstacle that stands between me and healing and as I type this I can't help but cry over the emotion that kind of love stirs in me. I do not know how in the world I will EVER be able to say thank you, but in a time when I was unable to meet all of my own needs, and the needs of my family, others have stepped forward. I won't list by name because I don't even KNOW all the names and I definitely do not want to miss a single one because we have felt EVERY hand. Some have lifted my mat by praying and encouraging us, another shared her talent of making t-shirts and so many of you have carried me by buying them- my prayer for those t-shirts is that they help us all remember how to be brave. Some have given reward miles so that we can fly home and hug our babies, excuse me, fine young men, on the weekends and even took the responsibility of booking the flights so we didn't even have to deal with the hassle. Some of you have made sure food is covered with gift cards; others are helping with lodging through your amazing gifts. And just like in the story from Mark, "We have never seen anything like this!"  We can never thank you enough!

Mark's story of the paralyzed man is not written from the perspective of the mat. We do not get to hear what was running through his mind, but from someone who is currently on that mat, let me tell you what he probably felt. As he looked up at the faces of his friends he probably thought, "I do not deserve this. I can never repay this kindness." As he felt his weight being carried in their hands he probably thought, "I wish this wasn't necessary. I wish I was the one helping another." When he saw the dirt on their hands and the sweat on their brows from breaking through the roof he probably thought, "This is too much to ask of them. I hate being a burden!" As he stared up through the hole in the ceiling and saw his friends as they lowered him down he probably thought, "This is crazy!! I can't believe they would go to this length for me! (And please don't drop me!!! LOL)" And when he laid at Jesus's feet and heard the words, "Take up your mat and go home." He was probably once again paralyzed for a moment, this time in pure joy and gratitude and amazement.  I know because today that man is me. 

Y'all, thank you for being our friends. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for putting that love to action. Thank you for praying for us. Thank you for overcoming every obstacle to get us to the healer. Thank you for coming when we couldn't carry the mat. Thank you will never be enough. We anxiously await the words, "Take up your mat and go home."

 THANK YOU FOR HELPING US GET TO THE HEALER!

I have a favor to ask. I know that many do not see my blogs. If you have been part of groups that have helped carry our mat would you please print and share this post with others you know have been a part of helping us. I know that so many have anonymously helped us and I want to be sure they know how grateful we are!