I have discovered there are two kinds of people in life. Those that like to travel on the interstate and those who prefer the backroads. I am a backroads girl all the way. If I am behind the wheel, I can promise you the path will take us off the interstate and on the more interesting two-lane roads. Now I know that there are pros and cons. But on the backroads, you see things you miss when traveling on a highway packed with 18 wheelers and fast-moving cars all rushing to get to their final destination.
I love to drive through the small little towns and imagine what life is like for the people who live there. I love the old-time cafes and cute downtown squares. I relax when I see the animals grazing in the fields and birds flying through the air. I love to see old cars and old barns that have become art as they have aged and begun to crumble, no longer serving their original purpose. I love the roadside fruit stands and the historical markers that hold tales from long ago. Someday I am going to stop at every cool little yard sale, every old schoolhouse, and every animal safari/natural cavern along the way!
Now I know there is a downside to traveling the curving backroads. Sometimes on those two-lane roads, you find yourself stuck behind a slow-moving RV or truck. You might just find yourself stuck following a tractor that is taking up more than its share of the road as it moves from one field to another. You have to watch out for the small-town police officer with the new speed radar who is looking to keep the roads safe and his badge shiny. (I may have helped one meet his quota on the way to MD Anderson this week.) You can't go as fast, the road is not as straight, and the pathway may be a little longer, but oh how I love a backroad!
Many a song has been written comparing life to a highway. Old Willie sang On the Road Again. Chris LeDoux, Tom Cochran, and Rascal Flatts all gave us Life is a Highway. And of course, the Beatles sang about The Long and Winding Road. Well, this week we were on the road again, and it was a long and winding road. We traveled the well-worn path of scans, labs, and doctor appointments. Rodney is still not allowed to go into the hospital with me. That can be a Long Lonely Road. I received reports that show that The Nuisance continues to progress which feels like The Road Goes On Forever. None of those pieces of information were too surprising. Unfortunately. Just part of the thoroughfare.
We returned home to have our final appointment with my surgeon yesterday. One good COVID outcome is being able to have some appointments via telemed which at least means we don't have to stay in Houston so long. I'll take it!
I really thought the purpose of the call yesterday would be to just go over the details of our planned surgery that we had discussed previously. I had a few questions to ask but felt like I had a general sense of where we were headed. But life is full of sharp turns in the road. In reviewing my scans there is now concern that there are spots on my diaphragm that will not be surgically removable. (Sharp turn ahead. Reduce speed.) While we will still do surgery, we are now looking at radiation as well. (Detour ahead. Didn't see that coming.) Surgery will involve going through my back, removing a rib, removing the lining from my lung, scraping the chest wall, scraping what they can from the diaphragm, and grabbing anything else that is visible. (Warning. Warning. Obstacles ahead.) Rodney will still not be allowed in the hospital with me. (Single lane highway ahead.) The length of recovery will hinge on how my lungs react to the surgery. (Be prepared to stop.) I had to pull over into a proverbial rest stop and put my head on the steering wheel a moment.
I won't lie. I am overwhelmed. I am shaken. I am sad. I don't know how to prepare for a trip that my husband and family can't go on with me. I don't know what to pack for a journey with so many unknowns. I don't know where to book my stay because I don't know how long my stay will be. I don't know. I don't know I don't know. A huge part of me wants off this backroad and onto a highway where the road ahead is clear, the obstacles are few, the roadblocks are limited, the path is straight. I want the well-lit interstate with the smooth road beneath me. Why me? Why again? And again? And again? Get me out of here!!!!!
But then.
God whispers in my soul to look backward. I turn to look. In the past eight years, I have been on roads much like this. There have been TONS of times when I didn't know where, when, how, or if. And there have been many moments where I felt just like I do now. Shaken. Sad. Afraid. And in every single one of them, God showed up. Every need was met. Every tear was dried. Every pain was ended. And I was never alone. When I look backward I see a curvy backroad with wildflowers I wouldn't have thought to plant. With art I wouldn't have thought to create. With companions I wouldn't have ever met. With interesting stops that I would have blasted right past on the interstate of busyness. I see a road with highs and lows that create a beautiful pathway. I got a few tickets along the way when I tried to rush things and I learned how to slow it back down. It didn't always go as fast as I wanted or as easy, but it was somehow beautiful anyway. And as I look back I am reminded of one of the most valuable lessons of life. DON'T GET SO FOCUSED ON THE ROAD THAT YOU MISS THE FLOWERS!!!
There are lots of things I don't know. But I know this. God is the God of me. He has never failed me. He has never abandoned me. Doesn't mean it is easy. Doesn't mean I don't feel all the feels. Doesn't mean it always ends the way I want. Doesn't mean it goes as fast as I wish it would. Doesn't mean I wouldn't choose something different if given the choice. But it does mean that I have strength, hope, peace, and provision for whatever lies ahead. It means that this backroad can bring beauty if I will look for it. And by golly, I am going to blast some music, roll down my window, and look for some wildflowers! This will NOT be a sad trip!! Hop in the passenger seat with me let's sing real loud!
“I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on your mighty deeds. Your ways, God, are holy...You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.” Psalm 77:11-14
