Swinging Between Fear and Faith

Phooey! Phooey! PHOOEY, PHOOEY, PHOOEY!!!!! Sometimes you just have to be real and say PHOOEY!!!! I am in one of those moments. This week we traveled to MD Anderson for my check-ups -- bloodwork, scans and a little bit of wait and see. I wish I could say, "IT WAS AWESOME", but all I have at the moment is PHHHOOOOEEEEYYYYY!!!! (Okay, there may be a "Well, CRAP" in there, too. Just sayin'...) Unfortunately, The Nuisance is not stable and unremarkable as we always hope. Multiple spots have shown growth since my scans three months ago. PHOOEY!!!! PHOOEY, PHOOEY, PHOOEY!!!!!!!

We have a million unknowns in front of us. I have to be honest and tell you that I am hanging between faith and fear right this second. I know that like monkey bars I have to let go of one to grab the other. I KNOW that God has this. I KNOW that He will provide like He always does. I KNOW that I will see beautiful things that will forever change me, but right now I seem paralyzed by the things I DON'T know. I will win that fight between faith and fear, bet on that with everything you have, but man, it is a struggle.

Here is what we know and don't know. We KNOW that they want me back in a few weeks to be a part of a trial in which they will take a tissue sample in order to do some genetic testing. This has just recently been approved in the thymoma world. If there is a specific mutation (something called a driver cell????? one of the things I DON'T know much about) then they can treat it with a medication that is a genetic match. This is new and not without risks, but it is promising at the same time. It will take some time to get the genetic testing done so it may be a few weeks before we know if I am a match. (I do have to laugh that in the past I've asked you to pray that I am stable and unremarkable and now I am praying I am a certain kind of mutant. Oh, the humor of it all!) We KNOW that if I am a match that they will start me on a pill which would be convenient. We DO NOT KNOW how long, what side effects are at risk or really much of anything else except that it is a shot, another option for my arsenal.

We KNOW that if that doesn't pan out that they'd like me to be in another trial for immunotherapy. This is all pretty new to Thymoma as well. There are risks of course and it may or may not work, but it is another new shot. One of the biggest I DON'T KNOWS is that this particular treatment would require me to travel to Houston every three weeks. I DON'T HAVE ANY CLUE HOW THAT CAN HAPPEN. That is one that has me clinging to fear like crazy right this second. My family, senior boys, time, money, work, and life are all shouting in my head THAT ISN'T POSSIBLE, but that, fortunately, is followed by a whisper that says, "You've said that before..." to which I humbly hang my head and say, "I KNOW."

I wish I was at a pretty place where I knew all the answers, but right now I am a bit frozen on the fear of I DON'T KNOW. I don't want to be here again. I don't want to do this. I had different plans for senior year. I am scared, worried, sad, and completely overwhelmed yet loved, blessed, certain, and confident that this battle is already won.  I wish that meant it wouldn't be a struggle, but it will be. I know.

We'd love your prayers. WE KNOW they make a difference. WE KNOW our God is faithful. WE KNOW he will provide. WE KNOW that he has plans that will amaze us all! WE KNOW!

Thanks for letting me yell PHOOEY for a bit. Thanks for letting me be afraid. I'm feeling a little stronger now, think it is time to start swinging and grab that bar of faith! It can hold me. I KNOW!

Power in Perseverance

Butterfly migration is an amazing thing. These delicate, seemingly weightless creatures fly up to 3,000 miles from as far as Canada to reach their winter destination in Mexico. This weekend I got to witness hundreds of them making their pilgrimages across the state as I traveled the backroads of Texas. I became fascinated by their fortitude.

To watch them you would think butterflies are at the mercies of the winds, blown from place to place as they flit about. They do not fly with the determination of geese or the soar on powerful wings like an eagle. That they make it even a mile seems nothing short of miraculous. How many times must they flap their fragile wings to complete their journey? What motivates them to keep moving forward? How do they trust that what they cannot see will be worth the effort? There are many similarities between life and butterflies.

How many times do you feel tossed by the winds as you journey through life? You don't seem to have the power of those soaring above you and you can't hear the sounds of encouragement coming from those behind. You flit, you flail, and you flutter as you try to move forward. Troubles come and send you reeling out of control. You feel weak and powerless, but that is not the truth. The truth is you are miraculous. You are beautiful. Your power is not in your strength, it is in your perseverance. It is easy to fly when you are strong, but it is amazing to keep flying when you are frail. You may not know where you are going right now, but you will definitely know when you get there. You are furiously flapping at the moment, but it is just a season. When that season passes it will be followed by another of rest. It is just around the bend, do not give up! There is a purpose in your pilgrimage and it is for your good. You only have to do one thing--- just keep moving your wings! Hope awaits!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 20:11

Obstacles or Interventions?

You all know that I am a big believer that so much of life is about perspective. I am constantly trying to adjust the sail of my life to use the winds to move me in a more positive direction. But let’s face it, life isn’t always smooth sailing.  We run into obstacles that seem to be keeping us from the things we feel we want/need to be successful, happy, healthy, safe, satisfied. But what if the obstacles that we run into are actually interventions? What if they are carefully placed in our lives in order to move us to something better? What if the relationship that falls apart is leading us to the one that will last a lifetime? What if the job we didn’t get frees us up to accept the one we love? What if the light that turns red when we’re running late keeps us from an accident further down the road? What if?

There are so many things in our lives that we cannot control. The older I get the more I see the illusion of controlling my life was hysterically misplaced pride. BUT, I can control how I view things and I can control how I react to them. Charles Swindoll says, “We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.” How would our attitudes, and in turn our lives, change if we began to reframe obstacles as interventions?  Let’s test it out. When the obstacles come, and we can be certain they will, how will we view them? Obstacles or INTERVENTIONS?

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20

Why?

The Word of Wonder

One of the first questions we learn to ask in life is “Why”. “Why is the sky blue?”,“Why do I have to take a bath?”,”Why does the back of your arm jiggle?” (That one may have hurt my feelings once!), “Why can’t I have a tiger?”,”Why do the stars twinkle?” Any parent of a preschooler can tell you the list is eternal! We begin our lives in a world of wonder --- we wonder about every little thing we see and hear.

Perhaps we lose some of our curiosity as we get older or maybe we just stop asking every question that pops in our head, but as we mature the frequency of our whys decreases. It seems as though we lose some of our wonder and stop asking some of the questions; until the problems roll in, that is. Then we default back to the whys. “Why me?”, “Why this?”,“Why now?” As we grapple for understanding the whys just roll through our mind and out of our mouths. I think it is as much a part of our human nature as the whys of a three-year-old.

What I have been thinking about is why don’t we ask why when things are good? When the kids are healthy, and the bills are paid we rarely stop to ask why. When the car doesn’t run out of gas even though it has been on E a little too long, we breathe a sigh of relief as we coast into the station, but we don’t ask why we made it. When we get an unexpected bonus or some small sign of grace we don’t bother to ask why now or why me?

I wonder why we are so quick to question when things are bad and so slow to do so when things are good?  Do you want to know why good things happen to you? Want to know why your teenagers are doing okay and you slept in a warm, safe bed last night? Want to know why that car almost hit you yesterday and didn’t? Want to know why you didn’t have enough money in your account and yet somehow you made it through the month? Want to know why someone was kind to you out of the blue yesterday when you were privately having a really bad day? It is because, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17)

Why are we so quick to question him when things are rough and so slow to stand in wonder when things are good? In the past few years of my life I have begun to see that why not might be the more appropriate question when things are bad. We live in a broken world. The surprise is not that bad things happen, but that they don't happen a lot more often. Most days (actually probably all days) my life is way better than I deserve yet I don't ask why. Asking why on the good days leads us to a place of gratitude and appreciation. It reminds us that tiny little miracles happen all day every day if we just begin to wonder again. I don't know about you, but I need the joy of those little wonders to keep me afloat in a world that seems full of ugliness.  I want more whys in my life. "Why does that rain smell so good and the sky look so beautiful tonight?" "Why do I see my grandad in my boy's twinkly eyes?", "Why do my eyes water when I laugh so hard?","Why did he use so many colors and textures when he really didn't have to?" "Why so many different variations of butterflies and flowers?", "Why does my God love me when I am so undeserving?", "Why?", "Why?", "Why?"

Let's return to the word of wonder! WHY?

But Sometimes He Does...

If I have learned anything in my life it is that sometimes God does not answer my prayers in the way I want or expect. There have been seasons of "Wait...", seasons of "No", seasons of "Perhaps." There have been times I begged for a certain reply only to be moved in an entirely different direction.  Last week my Aunt Jane posted a few verses that I LOVE for moments like that. It is what I have been desperately trying to learn and live in the past five years.  It is found in Habakkuk 3:17-19 and says, "Even though the fig trees have no fruit and no grapes grow on the vines, even though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no grain, even though the sheep all die and the cattle stalls are empty, I WILL STILL BE JOYFUL AND GLAD, BECAUSE GOD IS MY SAVIOR! The sovereign Lord gives me strength. He makes me sure-footed as a deer and keeps me safe on the mountains." I love that scripture! I hope that each day I am becoming better at being joyful and glad when the droughts come and the blessings seem scarce because let's face it, sometimes God doesn't respond the way we hope.

BUT SOMETIMES HE DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This week we have been at MD Anderson for my follow up appointments after completing radiation two months ago. It always takes every ounce of faith for these appointments, especially after a bad report. We ran the gauntlet again-- tests, more tests, and yet another followed by oncologist, radiologist, and surgeon appointments.  Sometimes God doesn't answer prayers the way you hope, BUT SOMETIMES HE DOES! The spot that was treated by radiation is so tiny that report says it is no longer present!!! The radiologist was impressed with that report. I told him that during treatment I had pictured Space Invaders going in and just blasting the spot. He said, "You must have mobilized your immune system to take care of it."  If you are my Facebook friend you might even remember this picture:

While I am a huge believer in positive thoughts and the body following the brain make no mistake about it, I may have hoped it, but GOD did it! Psalm 30:2-3 says, "Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. You, Lord, brought me up for the realm of the dead; you spared me from going down to the pit." PRAISE GOD!!

My surgeon explained the spot is still there, just tiny and could just be scar tissue. We will continue to watch it and the other spots. We will continue to trust that God holds our future. We will be grateful for the way God answers ALL of our prayers-- sometimes he doesn't answer them the way we hope, BUT SOMETIMES HE DOES!!!!!

Phantom Pains

Our lives are a complex web of relationships. They say that there are only seven degrees of separation between any of us. I don’t know if that is true, but I do know that God has used an amazing collection of people to shape my life. Some of them I know on a very deep level and some I have never even met, but they have touched me just the same. I am so grateful for that. Recently I have been reflecting on a lesson I am learning from a family friend. Her family has prayed for me during the past five years with the Nuisance and my family has prayed for her in the past year as she has dealt with health issues that have ultimately led to the loss of her leg recently. She has had an amazing spirit during that struggle that has touched my heart! You might remember that we threw a party when it was time to shave my hair with chemo. My friend is a woman after my own heart-- her family threw a bon voyage party for her leg the day before it was removed. She reminds me the importance of seeking joy in trials. Recently she posted an update on Facebook. It was exciting to hear that she is getting better every day. One comment she made has really been making me think lately. In her post she said, “The phantom pains that you’ve always heard about are certainly real. You have no idea how real. But I’ll get through that, too.” I just can’t seem to stop thinking about that statement. I have phantom pains, too. My guess is you do as well. While my friend’s pains are physical I think that many of us struggle with emotional and spiritual phantom pains. The phantom pains of fear, regret, loss, guilt, painful memories, bitterness, anger, lack of forgiveness, rejection, and so many others have the ability to immobilize us if we allow them to. (And PS, I think Satan thinks that is hysterical!)

I did a little research and one of the treatments of phantom pains is mirror therapy. In this treatment the patient watches in a mirror while receiving physical therapy to help remap the brain. It helps the brain begin to recognize that the source of pain is no longer there. The reflection helps with the healing.  God’s word serves as a mirror that can help us remap our minds as well.

Emotional phantom pains they are a result of something that is broken. One of my greatest phantom pains is fear. Memories of pain and illness with The Nuisance (aka cancer) can sometimes transport me right back to those moments, especially times like today when I am headed back to MD Anderson for the next round of tests. The mirror I hold up to remind me that pain is no longer here is Isaiah 41:10. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” The phantom pain whispers “What if you have to do chemo again? What if you can’t postpone surgery? What if? What if? What if?” but my God says, “I know the plans I have for you…Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) I can move beyond the phantom pain because “I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalm 34:4)

I have friends battle the phantom pain of rejection, but the mirror says, “But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.” (Psalm 10:14) It says, “See how much the Father has loved us! His love is so great that we are called God’s children – and so, in fact we are.” (1 John 3:1) The phantom pain taunts rejection, our Father says “I will never leave you or forsake you!" (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Some of us wrestle the phantom pain of regret and/or guilt. We can’t let go of something we did or said long ago, but God says, “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever, but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.” (Micah 7:18-19) It says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12) Then he reminds us, “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” and “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. “ (Isaiah 1:18) The phantom pain says the mistakes were too big. The mirror says God is bigger!

Bitterness, anger, and lack of forgiveness are great sources of phantom pain for many. The phantom pain cries out that forgiveness is weakness and we have the right to be angry, but the healing comes through Colossians 3:13 which says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”  Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

Just as it often requires physical therapy (PT) to overcome the pain of the body, sometimes we need spiritual therapy (ST) to overcome the pain of the soul. PT requires staring in the mirror for a reality check. ST requires staring into the heart of our father to see how much He desires to bring joy from our pain.  I hope that you are not struggling with Phantom Pains, but if you are I want to encourage you. Don’t let the pain that is over steal the joy that is waiting to begin.  “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3) “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

My friend had it right when she said, “The phantom pains that you’ve always heard about are certainly real. You have no idea how real. But I’ll get through that, too.”  Yes, with God’s promises we most certainly will!

Lightning and Rainbows

Yesterday this picture popped up in my facebook memories. It was a photo I snapped from my car in 2010 while sitting is one of those rare West Texas rain showers. My intent was to get a shot of the rainbow, but my fortune was to capture the lightning shooting across it right as I snapped the shot on my phone. Usually the pictures we see are of lightning OR of rainbows, rarely do you see both at the same time.

In the bible, the rainbow is a reminder of God's promises. It is easy to believe his promises after the storm has passed, but sometimes believing them when the lightning is flashing and the thunder is rolling is a little harder. That is one reason I love this picture so much. It is a reminder to me that God's promises are steady even in the storms. In life, as in photography, we have a tendency to see the storms and the promises as separate images and events. We see the problems we are going through as one image. When the storms pass we can once again see the rainbows of life, but sometimes it is hard to see them both at once.  Faith is counting on the rainbows IN the storm and knowing that even when the promises are not visible they are still there and trustworthy. I pray that you and I will always have to faith to see God's promises are steady, even in the storms!

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. 

Psalm 145:13

There Is No Place Like Home!

This morning as I opened my eyes and stretched my arms and legs I channeled my inner Dorothy, "There is no place like home. There is no place like home! THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME!"  What a delight to sleep in my own bed, in my own room, in my own house. 

It is the little things that make home home. Waking to your own alarm clock (okay, that was an accident; I didn't realize that it was set -- SNOOZE!); drinking from your favorite coffee cup; sitting on your favorite spot on the couch; listening to your kids talk; bathing your dog (what DID they get into while I was away?!?); lighting your favorite candle; hearing the familiar sounds of life as you know it all around you; all those little things that we sometimes take for granted make our homes Home. Three weeks is a long time to be away from home, but it is nothing compared to another I know. 

This Easter weekend I cannot help but be reminded of another who left his home. He didn't do it to save his own life like I did, in fact, he did it to save mine. He did it to save yours. "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost." (Luke 19:20) He wasn't gone from his home for three weeks, he was gone for 33 years. During that time he gave up all the luxuries of home in order to fulfill his purpose-  to save us from our sin when we couldn't save ourselves. "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9) He was hung on a cross, buried in a borrowed tomb and on the third day rose again. Then, finally, he got to go home - to prepare a place for us! "In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. (John 14:2-3)  

One day we will TRULY be home. And that is the source of my strength. So while I celebrate my homecoming, on this particular weekend I have even greater celebration. I get to celebrate what Christ has done to save me through the cross. I celebrate the healing He has brought in my life and the overcoming of death in His, "For by his stripes I am healed." (Isaiah 53:5) I celebrate the words "It is finished" as I mark the end of radiation treatment, but even more so as I think about them in the context of the cross. "It is finished". (John 19:30) Death is conquered. Salvation is possible. His mission is fulfilled. I celebrate the closing of one chapter of my life and the beginning of the next, yet even more I celebrate that the cross was not the end of the story, but the beginning. "But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him." (Acts 2:24). I celebrate this weekend with gratitude for what Christ has done in my life and expectancy for what He will do in the future--  because the story is not over. One day He will return and when he does there will be a homecoming that will put mine to shame. " At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near." (Luke 21:27-28)

I have much to celebrate! So do you! There is no place like home!

More to tell on this picture soon!!!!!

Progress Updates: We are so grateful to have completed 15 rounds of Proton Radiation! Things went very smoothly and the side effects have been very minimal-- the doctors were very pleased! My skin has had much less reaction than they anticipated which is great. Just feels like a mild sunburn. My swallowing feels a little like something is caught in my throat, but not bad at all. It seems to get tired a little faster when I talk (Rodney and the boys may like that effect! LOL) The fatigue has caught up with me a little in the past few days, but I am hopeful that will pass quickly. I did not realize that the radiation would continue to cause some progressive damage for the next two weeks or so which means some of those things could continue to be impacted, but I have high expectations!! We will go back in a couple of months for scans to see how we are looking. I was surprised to learn that the spot will still be visible on scans (I guess I just thought that it would be obliterated) so they watch the scans just to be certain that it doesn't show signs of life. There are two other spots that we will continue to watch as well. It is likely that we will have to do surgery at some point, but these are slow growing thus far and are not posing a huge risk so we can watch and see a little longer. (I know it seems so strange, but this is the normal with this type of nuisance.) We continue to be thankful for the love and support that everyone has shown us. I honestly do not know where we would be without it! This round seems a little strange because we will have not final outcome of No Evidence of Disease (NED). Part of me feels a little anti-climatic about not being able to say "WE'RE DONE", but the other part of me says, "Oh HUSH, we're done with THIS part!!!" I guess I will listen to that voice! (Don't be alarmed that I am hearing voices - LOL) Thanks for loving us and praying us on!!!!

Standing Where the Fire Has Already Been

Dr. Erwin Lutzer once shared this story, "Many years ago, a father and his daughter were walking through the grass on the Canadian prairie. In the distance, they saw a prairie fire, and they realized that it would soon engulf them. The father knew there was only one way of escape: they would quickly begin a fire right where they were and burn a large patch of grass. When the huge fire drew near, they then would stand on the section that had already burned. When the flames did approach them, the girl was terrified but her father assured her, ‘The flames can’t get to us. We are standing where the fire has already been.’

I came across that story this week and it spoke to my heart.  I have to be honest and say that I sometimes feel like the little girl in the story. The emotions of seeing the flames of the Nuisance creeping across the prairie of my life can sometimes threaten to engulf me, too. I hoped that I would never see those flames again and yet here I am; but just like the little girl in the story, I have a Father who assures me, "The flames can't get to you. You are standing where the fire has already been."  You notice the father didn't say that the flames wouldn't come. He didn't say they wouldn't feel the heat. There were no promises that they wouldn't be singed a little by the flames. They would definitely walk away smelling like smoke, but the flames wouldn't reach them. They were standing where the fire has already been. 

There are many thoughts I have had as I have reflected on this story.  I can't say that there is no fear or discomfort in having to go through treatment for round 2 of the Nuisance, but I can say that having witnessed the fire before I know more of what to expect. Having survived a proverbial blaze I now know more about the importance of holding onto my Father's hand so I don't get separated from him. I know to look at him instead of the flames because the flames are fueled by fear and if I stare at them it is like adding gasoline to the fire. I have learned that being safe does not always mean being comfortable. Fire can still be hot even if it isn't touching you. I have learned to believe that if my father says it will be okay then it will be okay. 

Now that last statement requires taking the lesson to a deeper level. Believing that things will be okay means coming to the realization that God's okay and my okay may not be defined in the same way and I have to trust that His definition, whatever it is, will better than mine. This is where the metaphor moves in a different direction, flames can shift after all.  What if God's okay and our okay are not defined the same way and it involves death? Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego faced that possibility in Daniel 3. They refused to bow down and worship King Nebuchadnezzar and as a result they were being thrown into a fiery furnace. I always hope my response would be like theirs, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”  Their okay was that they be saved from the flame (which He ultimately did), but their conviction was that even if He didn't they would worship Him still.  Believers can always trust that God's okay is better.  "The flames (death) can't get to us. We are standing where the fire (death) has already been." My okay says that I will come through the fire and have many beautiful days ahead (which I do believe to be true!!!!) BUT even if I don't, I have this assurance-- I am standing where the fire has already been. You see, the thing that gives me the greatest courage is this:  "For God so loved the world that he lay down his one and only son, that whosoever believes in him will not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16. Someday, either now or 50 years from now, we will all face death, but those  who have accepted Jesus as savior will not be touched by that flame. We will be standing where the fire of Christ's death for us has already been and that spot cannot be touched by death again. Our bodies may fail, but our souls will be secure. That is how we can trust with certainty that His okay will always be better than our okay. That is how we can have courage when we face difficult circumstances. That is how we find peace even in the face of fire.

Do you have struggles in your life that you seem to deal with over and over? Maybe it is the weight that you have to keep losing or the debt you keep having to struggle with. Perhaps it is an argument that you just can't seem to resolve or an illness that just won't go away. Maybe it is all of those things and more! That is how the Nuisance is for me. Where there are prairies there will always be fires. My advice is to hold onto the hand of the Father, fix your eyes on him and trust that while you may smell like a campfire, the flames won't reach you. On a larger scale, my hope is you never have to face the flames of death without the security of believing in one who died on your behalf. For God loved YOU so much that he gave Jesus so that if you believe in him you will not die, but have everlasting life.  As a believer you can trust that the flames can't reach your soul. You are standing where the fire has already been.

I have finished five rounds or Proton Radiation this week (speaking of fire)! We continue to be grateful for you prayers and encouragement! I am feeling great. While we know the effects of radiation are cumulative, we are hopeful that the next two weeks will go as well as the first! 

Thank you for praying us on!

"He (Nebuchadnezzar) said, "Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods." Nebuchadnezzar then approaced the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here! So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched and there was no smell of fire on them. Then Nebuchadnezzar said, "Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king's command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God...for no other god can save in this way."

When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.

Isaiah 43:2

Choose to Be Pink in a Sea of White!

Day 1 of Radiation is in the books! The countdown is on! The process was super easy, especially compared to some of the other stuff we have had to do to The Nuisance in the past. The machine they use is a BEAST! It is the size of a room. Pretty amazing! It is mind boggling to me that this technology exists! Who can imagine what the future holds?!

Photo Credit: MD Anderson Proton Center

We are so grateful to be able to do the Proton version of radiation as it does less harm to surrounding organs and tissue. It has a lower risk of secondary nuisances so we are grateful for that! The therapy can give a higher dose of radiation with a lot more accuracy. I hope to learn more about how it works as we move forward! For now I am just imagining a giant game of Space Invaders going on and blasting the little booger into oblivion!

After treatment we headed to one of my favorite spots - Hermann Park. We are so blessed to be staying right across the street. It is a happy place for me! As we walked through the park we admired the beautiful Azaelas that were blooming all around every corner. Spring has definitely sprung! As we rounded a corner my eye was immediately drawn to this bush: 

In a long row of white azaelas there was one small branch of pink. The thought immediately occurred to me, “Choose to be pink in a sea of white.”  Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  I don’t know about you, but I find conforming to be almost a passive act. I don’t have to try very hard to conform to the world — I have to fight NOT to.  Paul was saying that the only way to be transformed, to be something different, to stand out from the world, is to renew your mind. When we take time to refresh our minds then we begin to have more clarity of what God is whispering to our souls. I am afraid that whisper is often drowned out by the noise of the world. As I snapped a photo of the pink flowers, I thought of all my friends who are on Spring Break this week. I hope that you are taking some time to renew your minds this week and that you get the rejuvenation you need to be PINK in a sea of white!

Choose to Be Pink in a Sea of White!

Thanks my friends for praying us on! We know good things lie ahead for us! We are grateful for each and every one of YOU!!!!! Stay tuned!