Do you ever have those weeks when the weight of our last five months of craziness seems to suddenly become overwhelmingly heavy? You think you have been managing, balancing, and dealing with it all so well, and then suddenly, you realize you aren't sleeping well, your heart is beating a little faster than usual, your energy seems zapped, and your mind cannot seem to be still --ever. Your stress, the stress of those around you, and the lack of an end in sight have suddenly gone from 211 degrees to 212. Boiling. Who am I kidding? We have ALL felt it. It is the current human condition.
It has been that way for me this week. We lost my sweet uncle this week, and we were unable to have the traditional healing gatherings to love one another through. While we know his future and his security, we couldn't deal with our own emotions in the usual ways. That felt very heavy. Sometimes it hasn't been my own breaking under stress but the breaking of those around me that was heavy- their frustration, their hurt, their pain, their anxiety spilling over. That felt very heavy. My prayer list of those around me seems to be growing longer by the day with the trials of people I love. That makes my heart feel heavy. And then there is the Nuisance- always just kind of slinking around in the background looking for weak moments of opportunity to remind me it exists. That can feel very heavy.
I found myself in a negative loop. Running through the burdens of the day. Replaying conversations in a way that wasn't helpful. Beating myself up for things that didn't go as I wished. Worrying about things lying ahead. 3:00 each morning seemed to be an alarm clock for the doubt, the worry, the frustration, the regret, and the sorrow. And then as I lay there eyes-wide-open, stuck in the replay of gloom, a phrase popped up in my head. Just Say Thank You. So I did. I said thank you for my family. Thank you for my uncle. Thank you for my memories. Thank you for my husband and children. Thank you for my job. Thank you for my co-workers. Thank you for the kind person in the hall. Thank you for laughter. Thank you for my boss. Thank you for prayer. Thank you for that text. Thank you for grace. Thank you for forgiveness. Thank you for...and I drifted off to sleep.
The next day the worry returned. Just say thank you. So I did. Thank you for sunshine. Thank you for dragonflies. Thank you for my pond and fish. Thank you for technology that has made the impossible possible. Thank you for health. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for my church. Thank you for leaders who are having to carry so much. Thank you for that answered prayer... and the worry disappeared.
I have been playing that game for a few days now. I have gotten down to some pretty simple things to be thankful for- the weight of the blanket on my bed, the feel of the grass on my feet, the warmth of the coffee in my cup, the soreness in my legs from being able to work out. When a negative thought pops up, I am replacing it with thanks.
You see, we cannot control what life gives out. The loss, the struggles, the unknowns, the unfairness, but we can choose how we will receive it. Our human nature is to perseverate on the negative, but the beauty of our minds is the freedom of choice to not remain there. I am sad for the loss of my uncle. Thank you for the memories and the love we shared. Thank you for the gift of salvation. I am worried about the future of my health. Thank you that today I feel so strong. Emotions are really high in the world. Thank you for all of the kind and encouraging ones. I am worried for the burdens of people I care about. Thank you for hope and prayer.
As I was writing this I suddenly had a memory from childhood. Before going places my mom would always run down the checklist of manners. One of her reminders would often be about being offered food we didn't like. Her advice was, "Just say thank you". Just because it was on our plate didn't mean we had to eat it, but the attitude of gratefulness would make the experience better for everyone. Pretty good advice there, Mama! So this week if things get put on your plate that you do not like, join me in remembering the advice of our moms. You don't have to swallow it. Just say thank you! When you find your gratitude you will find your joy!
