Victory Laps

One of my favorite definitions of faith is that faith is believing in what God has already done. My guess is that the person who first made that statement was referring to the ability to trust that God has already taken care of the future outcome of our various situations; that he has gone before us to work all things together for our good and all we have to do is trust him. While I do believe that, the phrase has always spoken a little differently to me. Sometimes people ask how I can have faith that things are going to be okay (one way or another) in the future. In order to answer that question I have to point to my past. My faith in the future is built on HIS faithfulness in the past. Yesterday I had a beautiful reminder of just that.

My dear friend, Ann Archer, has been a part of the American Cancer Society Relay for Life for years following the loss of her husband, Jo Paul in 2005. She has given tireless hours to raise funds and awareness so that others don't have to experience the loss she and her girls have had to experience. Over time her commitment to this cause has changed countless lives. She has walked with friends who are on the same path. Her life makes a difference in the battle against the C word! Yesterday she helped organize Relay Recess 2018. Students from local elementary schools joined in the walk to support the American Cancer Society. I, and other survivors like me, was invited to come walk the opening lap. Together we held the banner and made our way around the track, while the students cheered and yelled and clapped. As we walked to celebrate what we have overcome, my mind began to recognize the irony of the moment. While I circled the track in victory over the past, my heart began to tremble with thoughts of the future. The cheers began to fade away and the jeers of fear began to fight for my attention. It was ironic to be celebrating beating the Nuisance while preparing to leave to go fight it again. Tears sprang up behind my sunglasses as that old uncertainty threatened to overtake my mind BUT just as quickly my mind was able to reflect back on the past five years. I AM A SURVIVOR. Time and again our needs have been met. Over and over and over people like you have stepped into our lives to help us when we can't go it alone. I have seen miracles. I have had peace. I have seen joy where there should only have been sorrow. I have seen my boys protected and covered from harm through all of this struggle. Doors have been thrown open that should have been closed. I have found beauty in scars that were meant to defeat me. I can have faith in the future because I have seen these things in my past. What He has done before He will do again.  Even when things don't turn out the way I want and pray, they still turn out for my good. I can look back and ALWAYS find that to be true. As I ran through that list in my mind, once again I could hear the cheers and clapping. The fears were silenced by faith, they were replaced with hope. Wars are won by multiple battles. I have won a battle and I will win the war.

I think we all go through times that we struggle with faith. How can we not? It is an elusive thought. It seems intellectually unsound, fundamentally unbelievable, naive at best. If you try to reduce it to science or logic it falls apart in your hands. But some things aren't meant to be explained or understood. They just are. Love is more than a chemical reaction. Joy is greater than a rush of endorphins and serotonin. We can't always explain it, but we feel it, we see evidence of it, sometimes in the strangest of places, and if we are smart we grab it up and revel in it. Faith is much like that. I may not be able to answer every question about faith. There is no formula or equation to explain it, and honestly there are times that it makes no sense, and yet my life is overflowing with evidence that I have every reason to believe. Not that it always goes my way, not that there aren't struggles, not that there is never fear, but somehow, every time, God shows up. Faith is believing what God has already done. Faith conquers fear!

As we walked the last half of the lap, my thoughts shifted from celebration of the past to anticipation of the future. The Survivor's Lap was a promise fulfilled and a new promise made.

For I am about to do something new.

    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?

I will make a pathway through the wilderness.

    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19

Monday I will begin proton radiation treatments at MD Anderson. While we dread being away from our boys we know that this, too is for our good and we are thankful. Somewhere down the road we will probably be facing additional surgery, but for now we are focusing on one spot near my carotid and brachiocephalic arteries. We are ready to zap that little booger! We continue to be so blessed by your prayers and support. Thank you will never be enough for all you have done to love and encourage us. Thank you for helping our family. Thank you for loving us, praying for us, and meeting our physical needs through your gifts. Our hearts are overwhelmed! We love you!