tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63506169892026270162024-03-15T11:39:27.413-07:00itza doozieIn 2013, I was diagnosed with Stage IV Thymoma, a rare cancer. I call it The Nuisance. 2018 brought round two and 2019 kicked off round three. I am working to live each day "As If" - As if I am healed, as if I have no worries, as if I have no fear! This blog chronicles my journey through life and the lessons learned. What was meant to keep me down has given me more than I could ever have dreamed. I hope it helps you on your path as well!Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.comBlogger140125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-7193509233022903892021-06-09T10:58:00.002-07:002021-06-09T10:58:39.545-07:00New Site- www.itza-doozie.com<p> </p><p>In order to access some new features, this blog is moving to www.itza-doozie.com</p><p>You will find all my old posts there and also be able to follow new ones! Be sure and subscribe so you never miss a post!</p>Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-90235271754901421942021-05-08T09:40:00.005-07:002021-05-08T11:58:11.026-07:00Backroads and Interstates<p>I have discovered there are two kinds of people in life. Those that like to travel on the interstate and those who prefer the backroads. I am a backroads girl all the way. If I am behind the wheel, I can promise you the path will take us off the interstate and on the more interesting two-lane roads. Now I know that there are pros and cons. But on the backroads, you see things you miss when traveling on a highway packed with 18 wheelers and fast-moving cars all rushing to get to their final destination. </p><p>I love to drive through the small little towns and imagine what life is like for the people who live there. I love the old-time cafes and cute downtown squares. I relax when I see the animals grazing in the fields and birds flying through the air. I love to see old cars and old barns that have become art as they have aged and begun to crumble, no longer serving their original purpose. I love the roadside fruit stands and the historical markers that hold tales from long ago. Someday I am going to stop at every cool little yard sale, every old schoolhouse, and every animal safari/natural cavern along the way!</p><p>Now I know there is a downside to traveling the curving backroads. Sometimes on those two-lane roads, you find yourself stuck behind a slow-moving RV or truck. You might just find yourself stuck following a tractor that is taking up more than its share of the road as it moves from one field to another. You have to watch out for the small-town police officer with the new speed radar who is looking to keep the roads safe and his badge shiny. (I may have helped one meet his quota on the way to MD Anderson this week.) You can't go as fast, the road is not as straight, and the pathway may be a little longer, but oh how I love a backroad!</p><p>Many a song has been written comparing life to a highway. Old Willie sang <i>On the Road Again</i>. Chris LeDoux, Tom Cochran, and Rascal Flatts all gave us <i>Life is a Highway</i>. And of course, the Beatles sang about <i>The Long and Winding Road</i>. Well, this week we were on the road again, and it was a long and winding road. We traveled the well-worn path of scans, labs, and doctor appointments. Rodney is still not allowed to go into the hospital with me. That can be a <i>Long Lonely Road</i>. I received reports that show that The Nuisance continues to progress which feels like <i>The Road Goes On Forever</i>. None of those pieces of information were too surprising. Unfortunately. Just part of the thoroughfare.</p><p>We returned home to have our final appointment with my surgeon yesterday. One good COVID outcome is being able to have some appointments via telemed which at least means we don't have to stay in Houston so long. I'll take it!</p><p>I really thought the purpose of the call yesterday would be to just go over the details of our planned surgery that we had discussed previously. I had a few questions to ask but felt like I had a general sense of where we were headed. But life is full of sharp turns in the road. In reviewing my scans there is now concern that there are spots on my diaphragm that will not be surgically removable. (Sharp turn ahead. Reduce speed.) While we will still do surgery, we are now looking at radiation as well. (Detour ahead. Didn't see that coming.) Surgery will involve going through my back, removing a rib, removing the lining from my lung, scraping the chest wall, scraping what they can from the diaphragm, and grabbing anything else that is visible. (Warning. Warning. Obstacles ahead.) Rodney will still not be allowed in the hospital with me. (Single lane highway ahead.) The length of recovery will hinge on how my lungs react to the surgery. (Be prepared to stop.) I had to pull over into a proverbial rest stop and put my head on the steering wheel a moment.</p><p>I won't lie. I am overwhelmed. I am shaken. I am sad. I don't know how to prepare for a trip that my husband and family can't go on with me. I don't know what to pack for a journey with so many unknowns. I don't know where to book my stay because I don't know how long my stay will be. I don't know. I don't know I don't know. A huge part of me wants off this backroad and onto a highway where the road ahead is clear, the obstacles are few, the roadblocks are limited, the path is straight. I want the well-lit interstate with the smooth road beneath me. Why me? Why again? And again? And again? Get me out of here!!!!!</p><p>But then.</p><p>God whispers in my soul to look backward. I turn to look. In the past eight years, I have been on roads much like this. There have been TONS of times when I didn't know where, when, how, or if. And there have been many moments where I felt just like I do now. Shaken. Sad. Afraid. <span> And in every single one of them, God showed up. Every need was met. Every tear was dried. Every pain was ended. And I was never alone. When I look backward I see a curvy backroad with wildflowers I wouldn't have thought to plant. With art I wouldn't have thought to create. With companions I wouldn't have ever met. With interesting stops that I would have blasted right past on the interstate of busyness. I see a road with highs and lows that create a beautiful pathway. I got a few tickets along the way when I tried to rush things and I learned how to slow it back down. It didn't always go as fast as I wanted or as easy, but it was somehow beautiful anyway. And as I look back I am reminded of one of the most valuable lessons of life. DON'T GET SO FOCUSED ON THE ROAD THAT YOU MISS THE FLOWERS!!!</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFhQAO6TPZ1OfmBw0H2LC4mpHOiX45oCtryxfErBmDooR1JgqpfwQJWjNizweEWFdhgWyCidDcJBvwSS3F5OKvfE0LY8v_ny07-mZwkFwJtZ74WH58Arv0CnKYFoz_Nac2N0HtWPxF6EU/s2048/IMG_7690.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFhQAO6TPZ1OfmBw0H2LC4mpHOiX45oCtryxfErBmDooR1JgqpfwQJWjNizweEWFdhgWyCidDcJBvwSS3F5OKvfE0LY8v_ny07-mZwkFwJtZ74WH58Arv0CnKYFoz_Nac2N0HtWPxF6EU/s320/IMG_7690.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>This life that you and I lead is not always easy. There are lots of bumps in the road and obstacles that we would prefer to avoid. And while we might prefer the ease of the interstate, my hope for me and for you is that we never miss the beauty of the backroad. Because here is the deal. There are some roads we don't get to pick. We are going to travel them whether we like it or not. But what will we do as we travel? We do get to choose that. We are on a path we may not control. How will we respond? Sing or complain? Curse the potholes or admire the flowers? Get repeated speeding tickets as we try to do it our way or slow down and actually get through faster in doing so?<p></p><p>There are lots of things I don't know. But I know this. God is the God of me. He has never failed me. He has never abandoned me. Doesn't mean it is easy. Doesn't mean I don't feel all the feels. Doesn't mean it always ends the way I want. Doesn't mean it goes as fast as I wish it would. Doesn't mean I wouldn't choose something different if given the choice. But it does mean that I have strength, hope, peace, and provision for whatever lies ahead. It means that this backroad can bring beauty if I will look for it. And by golly, I am going to blast some music, roll down my window, and look for some wildflowers! This will NOT be a sad trip!! Hop in the passenger seat with me let's sing real loud!</p><p><span><br /></span></p><p><span><br /></span></p><p><span>“I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on your mighty deeds. Your ways, God, are holy...You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.” Psalm 77:11-14</span></p><p><span><br /></span></p>Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-64455091261763523962021-02-16T15:48:00.002-08:002021-02-16T15:48:40.912-08:00The Curtains<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA8fhev1gNJAI5gMGLzlR9JEsqkuLUDqNyI7ZiHqPDL7bZpjPblr-T6cQZsw-Je1onf3D9BszuqVg4ASrTmYss9UfgJ7vcaaaK5DTf4hVQWmNjkQIlN6gGoacL8YO5asK6z7lAKZxpz30/s1226/Theatre.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="751" data-original-width="1226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA8fhev1gNJAI5gMGLzlR9JEsqkuLUDqNyI7ZiHqPDL7bZpjPblr-T6cQZsw-Je1onf3D9BszuqVg4ASrTmYss9UfgJ7vcaaaK5DTf4hVQWmNjkQIlN6gGoacL8YO5asK6z7lAKZxpz30/s320/Theatre.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p>Okay, I have been telling you all that I owe you a story, so before I give you the update on the results of our recent MD Anderson appointment, I must begin with a tale. </p><p>When we began this Nuisance journey, our twin boys, Sawyer and Spencer, were 12 years old. They were old enough to know much of what was going on but still young enough to not understand it all. There were three things that were, and still are, the hardest for me when it comes to The Nuisance. One has been watching my parents and knowing how much they want to rescue me from all this. Another has been hurting for my husband, whose family has already experienced such loss with cancer. And the biggest worry of all has been for my children and how all this would impact them. When I lost my hair, I worried they would be embarrassed. When I was in Houston, I worried they would be homesick. When I was in the hospital, I worried they would be afraid. When I was sick, I worried... well, let's just leave it there. But every step of the way, God has provided. He sent family to care for my boys in my stead. He gave teachers to love on them. He sent friends, and the parents of friends, to entertain them when I didn't feel well. He sent my church and work friends to pray for us and meet our every need. Oh y'all, the list is just so long of how he took care of them.</p><p>But one of my favorite things God has done is what I call the gift of The Curtains. If the world's a stage, as Shakespeare said, then God has had a way of opening the curtains only enough for the boys to see the parts of the play they could comprehend at that specific moment. Looking back, I see so many examples of how God was only allowing them to see pieces of the unfolding story.</p><p>The boys read my blogs as I posted them and have heard me give my testimony a hundred times. I have tried my best to live this life out loud so that it might help someone else along the way. There have been no secrets. I always tell them what is going on before I share it outside the family, so they are never caught off guard if someone says something to them. Our journey has never been for us alone. One time, the boys came to me after a speaking engagement and said, "Mom, you didn't tell us that you had a tumor on your heart." I was taken aback. "Yes, boys, you have heard me say that a million times." (But God didn't let them hear it because their little hearts weren't ready.) Another time I heard, "Mom, you didn't tell me us your cancer was Stage IV. That is really serious!" "Yes, we have told you that before." (But in His infinite wisdom, God knew you couldn't hear it until now.") 'Mom, I didn't know that they had to open your chest for our surgery." "Yes, son, you have seen the scars." (But God didn't want you to be afraid.) "Mom, you never told us..." "Yes, we did, but God knew you weren't ready to hear it."</p><p>I began to realize that God was only allowing the boys to see and hear what their hearts and minds could handle. Like curtains on a stage, God only revealed enough for them to see the part of the story He was ready for them to see. The parts they could handle. Nothing more. Nothing less. Sometimes they could handle the whole scene; other times, they only needed to zoom in on a few characters or a small portion of the plot. Like a great director, God knew his audience well and created a story that they could comprehend. What an amazing gift.</p><p>Fast forward to the past month. When my surgeon called in January to share the multidisciplinary tumor board's results, Rodney wasn't home. The doctor shared the possibility of surgery and then informed me of the concern that the lymph node treated with radiation in 2018 appeared to be growing. Wait, what?!? Lymph node? That wasn't a lymph node. It was just a spot that was growing too close to my carotid artery. No one ever told us it was a lymph node! "How could they not have told us?!" I thought. When I told Rodney what the doctor had said about that spot being a lymph node, he was as surprised as I. When I told my parents and sisters, their first words were, "Wait, that was a lymph node?" Surely there must be some mistake. I began to dig through my records to show that they must have me confused with another case. But there it was. Not on one report. Not on two. But on three different reports. Lymph Node. Well, I'll be. I see what you did there, God. The Curtains.</p><p>Now you need to understand what I do with a report when I get it. I highlight it. I underline it. I search for unknown words and google them and write down their definitions. I compare it to old reports. I make charts and drawings on it to compare sizes of spots from scan to scan. By the time I travel from Houston to Lubbock with that piece of paper in my hand, it is limp from being folded and unfolded, marked and circled, highlighted, and cried upon. There is NO explanation for how I could have missed it except for The Curtains. </p><p>In all his wisdom, God knew that I could not handle the fear or worry of The Nuisance being in a lymph node back then. He knew that it would seem just too much to bear, so He kept that hidden behind The Curtains. "Let her see enough to take action, but don't let her see enough to tailspin," He must have thought. "Show her enough, but don't let her think this is impossible." Because at that time, in 2018, I would have thought it was just too much. My boys were approaching their senior year. I didn't want to miss a minute. I had one goal-- for that year to be amazing and to witness every bit of it! Thinking that The Nuisance had spread to my lymph nodes would have sent me down a very dark path. It was hard enough to be away from them while receiving radiation in Houston, but to worry about The Nuisance moving through my lymph nodes and spreading through my body would have been a whole other level of fear. It would have been too overwhelming a "stage." Thank God for The Curtains!</p><p>So why now? Why has He pulled back the curtains on the lymph node now? Why not leave them closed? Well, I have three more years of trust tucked under my belt. If The Nuisance was in my lymph nodes in 2018, then I have been given three years of it not spreading beyond the known places. Which indicates that I do not have to shift into panic mode. What God has done in the past has given me faith to trust him with my future. That faith might not be as strong had The Curtains not been in place while the stage was being set. He bought time to not just tell me (because I am stubborn and sometimes don't listen) but to show me that this will be okay. Somehow this will be okay. No matter what. My mind has not raced to the worst-case scenario because my heart and soul are stronger now. I am more rehearsed for the next act.</p><p>When I was younger, I always wanted God to just show me what my future held. Holy Cow! I sure am glad he is wiser than me! Seeing my lot would have scared the britches off of me! I would have quit before I started. I would have given up before I took the first step on stage. And I would have missed the most fabulous blessings along the way. </p><p>So here we are. God pulled back the curtains to allow us to see the possibility of a growing lymph node in addition to the other spots we already knew about. We spent most of last week in Houston doing the biopsy on the lymph node. We know surgery is necessary either way, but it is fast-tracked if the lymph node is involved. And fast-tracked means I would have to be alone. Even with that knowledge, there has been more peace than fear. More trust than doubt. More hope than worry. </p><p>Yesterday we received the pathology report. The Curtains have opened, the doctor has entered the stage and his opening line is the lymph node is okay! No signs of The Nuisance there. Praise God! What peace and joy I would have forfeited if the timing of The Curtain opening had not been so perfect! Surgery, and it's a doozie, is in the future, but it is not an emergency. Hopefully, that means we can get a little further past COVID, and Rodney will be allowed in the hospital with me. Or maybe The Curtains will be pulled back a little further to reveal a miracle. If He can keep me from seeing written words on three reports then He can certainly pull that off as well. We currently plan to go to Houston in June to reevaluate. In the meantime, we will trust the director and enjoy the show! Living <a href="https://itzadoozie.blogspot.com/2014/01/as-if.html">As If</a>!</p><p>How good to be loved by a God who knows us so well and cares for us so much. I am grateful for The Curtains. </p><p><br /></p>Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-86238779794147715712021-02-13T09:08:00.006-08:002021-02-13T09:57:43.303-08:00Bumps and Dents of the Bumper and of the Soul<div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXkz2HsWIFw3RJJDVh_JPJkvGB6Qqjj-uCoH6DLlhuaNzPEZL8I6wWPbpNX1kNI568wrwXq9ezgWSEr-dbw4SMRNr-kJp8IGFrsi-j4GBp3c0e6kTi8FhV0_cb6dv91FWlbLRg6VcFJCo/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="627" data-original-width="1100" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXkz2HsWIFw3RJJDVh_JPJkvGB6Qqjj-uCoH6DLlhuaNzPEZL8I6wWPbpNX1kNI568wrwXq9ezgWSEr-dbw4SMRNr-kJp8IGFrsi-j4GBp3c0e6kTi8FhV0_cb6dv91FWlbLRg6VcFJCo/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div>CRUNCH!!! Now that's a sound you never want to hear when backing up a vehicle, but CRUNCH is just what I heard. It was Friday evening and I was backing into a coveted spot at the gas station on my way home from work. The place was hopping and it was the one open pump. I turned to look over my right shoulder, hand on the back of the passenger seat. I eased back slowly and CRUNCH, I hit the sneaky little concrete pole that was just short enough to be out of my line of sight, but just tall enough to take out my bumper and my rear tail light assembly. PHOOEY!!! Not the way I wanted to start the weekend.</span><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">I exchanged info with the gas station clerk and made my way home. We were supposed to leave for MD Anderson on Sunday and I really didn't have time to deal with the fall out from my little concrete collision. Oh well, no crying over spilled milk (or busted taillight as the case may be). Sometimes it just is as it is. And sometimes, that just isn't good enough for me. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">I remembered another dented bumper from my past and how the body shop had fixed it with the help of a little heat and on Saturday, I decided that I wasn't going down without a fight. Now I know at this point most rational human beings would grab the phone number for a body shop, but I grabbed my phone and started to google DIY videos. I found several videos of people fixing their bumpers with a little hot water or the heat from a hairdryer. Now I should probably add that my dent was a little more than a dent. My bumper was hanging off the and the dent was more of a large crease, but hey, what did I have to lose? I decided to give it a try. Let's just say that hot water and hairdryers are better for the head than the "tail". I didn't have much luck. I would need some big guns. A little more research led me to discover a heating tool that might make the task a little easier. I ran to the nearest auto shop and as luck would have it I found the little gem -- on sale even!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">Rodney wasn't home and heaven forbid I wait around for help. I like a challenge. I removed the tail light assembly and began heating the bumper that was hanging awkwardly from the vehicle. I had high hopes for how this was going to work. Except it didn't. Try as I might, I still couldn't get the dent to pop out. Apply more heat. Apply more pressure. No luck. I repeated this process over and over but was no closer to fixing my bumper than when I began. As the bumper got hotter, so did my frustration. My arms were getting sore, I was sweating, I burned my hand, and I just didn't have the strength to fix it. I was pushing with all my might and getting nowhere. Without really even thinking about it I voiced the thought, "God, I'm not strong enough to do this alone." And just like that, the dent gave way under my hands. With one concession that I wasn't strong enough on my own, it was as if all the strength I needed was suddenly available to me. I did a little victory dance in celebration of conquering the bumper, ordered the taillight assembly to replace the broken one, and walked away feeling like a conqueror.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">We left for Houston the next day for my appointments at MD Anderson. This journey was going to be another test of strength. Thanks to COVID, Rodney couldn't go into the hospital with me. That is bad enough on a regular appointment, but this time I was having a biopsy that would require out-patient surgery. I would be put completely under and he couldn't walk me in. He couldn't hear the doctor's instructions. He couldn't wait with me until they took me back. He couldn't be with me in recovery. I was by myself. Once again the words I uttered in the garage came spilling into my mind. "God, I'm not strong enough to do this alone." And just like that concession became strength in dealing with the dent in my bumper, it became strength in dealing with the dent in my soul. Peace replaced fear. Strength replaced weakness. Faith replaced doubt.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">2 Corinthians 12:9 says, <span class="woj" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">“<i>My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” </i>We have a tendency to think His power is made perfect in our strength, but the opposite is true. Only when we realize we can't do life in our own power do we find the true source of strength. And it is a huge relief. I have spent so much of my life being confident in my strength and in my ability and feeling like a failure when I didn't feel strong. I still struggle with that sometimes, but I am beginning to get it through my thick head that HE is the source of power and HE shows off best when I get out of the way and admit I need him. </span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="woj" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">My run-in with the concrete pole wasn't an accident. It was an object lesson. It was an opportunity for God to plant a seed to show me the power available to me when I admit, "I can't do this." God cares about all of our bumps and dents and so desires to give us the strength to deal with them when we call out to him. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="woj" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="woj" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">I don't know what has dented your bumper this week, but I know where you can get the strength you need to deal with it. It comes from leaning on the one who GIVES you strength. "<i>Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10</i></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="woj" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white;">My bumper isn't perfect. A body shop might have done it a little better, but I am going to leave it just as it is. I like having a visible reminder of God's power in my weakness. He is so good. Thank you so much for your prayers as we have traveled this week. We are still waiting on the pathology report on the lymph node (and I still owe you a story on that one, too). We hope to hear soon, but we have full assurance that God is hearing all of our prayers and already has this dent figured out! </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white;">Love ya! Mean it!</span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="woj" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-75992354409354302542021-01-30T09:56:00.002-08:002021-01-30T10:21:15.737-08:00Dumpster Fire or Burning Bush?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqq0U__lFZ6JE8heb0Y6-5cpfPNg7JYaJap_lxC_9m0JR079rnoHvw9DdXk19jHWhd1MenEUxsnJa2L1lep3yMjI6ZUfKq7aWUHdw9GBv3_bQ-lkGRnKSAjYqQWQrEhZJOMR2YwxMp4bE/s1375/IMG_6936.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1375" data-original-width="1188" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqq0U__lFZ6JE8heb0Y6-5cpfPNg7JYaJap_lxC_9m0JR079rnoHvw9DdXk19jHWhd1MenEUxsnJa2L1lep3yMjI6ZUfKq7aWUHdw9GBv3_bQ-lkGRnKSAjYqQWQrEhZJOMR2YwxMp4bE/w173-h200/IMG_6936.PNG" width="173" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>It had been such a fun night! My family was coming home from an evening of cooking out, swimming, and popping fireworks with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. (Man, I miss those days of family gatherings!) The back of the pickup truck contained the carcasses of Roman Candles, Sparklers, fountains, and artillery shells. We pulled up to the dumpster to unload the firework remains in the dumpster and headed inside with visions of pyrotechnics in our heads.<div><br /></div><div>As we began getting ready for bed, I started to smell something. Smoke, maybe? I looked out the window and yelled, "The dumpster is on fire!!!!!" Oh lawzy, the neighbors were going to LOVE this!!! I was REALLY hoping they wouldn't see us! We scrambled around for a crazy minute trying to decide what to do. The boys and Rodney ran to the alley and I ran to the backyard to grab the water hose. They threw open the lid and I stood in the back yard on the deck of the pool, hose in hand, shooting water over the fence and into the dumpster. It was a bit like the Beverly Hillbillies Celebrate Independence Day. It was quite a sight! (Sure am glad we didn't leave them in the back of the truck though!) I laugh every time I remember that scene. </div><div><br /></div><div>Do you ever feel like your life is a bit of a dumpster fire? Things are just a hot mess and you can't seem to get a grip on it? You run around in a panic trying to figure out how to put the flames out, but the proverbial hose in your hand just doesn't seem to be working? Boy, sometimes I do. There are seasons where nothing seems to work, things aren't what I hoped they'd be, and life is hot, hot, hot! The fire can be all kinds of things - worry, fear, anxiety, family problems, money problems, or even something that you just can't put your finger on. You feel consumed by the flames of what you are going through and a little voice in your head whispers, "Nothing to see here" as others pass by and you hope no one will notice the fire.</div><div><br /></div><div>My biggest dumpster fire of the day is The Nuisance (Cancer) and all the sparks it sends out into other areas of my life. We recently had our consultation with my surgeon following the Tumor Board's review of my case at MD Anderson. There is some good news and some not-so-good news. The good news is that the board does believe surgery is an option for me right now. We are grateful for that! We know that surgery is really the only way you get rid of cancer. Chemo and Radiation help manage and reduce, but it doesn't usually get rid of it on its own. And chemo is some tough stuff. We are so grateful that surgery is a possibility. Even if it is a tough one. </div><div><br /></div><div>The bad news is that the spot we treated with radiation in 2018 appears to have grown. That spot is a lymph node. (Which is a whole other story I will tell you soon!) That was a curveball. The lymph node is near my carotid artery, heart, and other important veins and arteries. If it is The Nuisance, we won't have time to watch and see like we can with the other spots. We will need to do surgery now. The other spark of that fire is that right now COVID protocols would not allow anyone to be at the hospital in Houston with me. That would stink worse than smoldering trash! Surgery will be a thoracotomy which is where they go through my ribs in the back and will remove the lining from my lung, scrape my diaphragm, and grab any visible spots they can see throughout my chest. Those flames are pretty hot, but God is bigger!</div><div><br /></div><div>The first step to dealing with this fire is heading to Houston for a biopsy to see what is going on in the lymph node. We need to determine if the spot is active or if this is just the ashes and embers of the old flame. If it is Nuisance then we sound the alarm and are on the fast track to surgery. If it isn't, prayerfully, then we will be looking at surgery in the future but can wait a little while to see if COVID protocols change to allow me not to be alone. </div><div><br /></div><div>Today I was reading about a fire that happened once upon a time. There was this guy who was out tending to some of his farm animals. Out in the pasture with no one but his sheep, he noticed a fire in the distance. He decided to go check it out. As he got closer he could tell it was a bush fire, but the strangest thing was that the bush was not being burned up. Curiosity piqued, he went closer. As he did, he heard a voice come from the bush. Now that is different. The voice said, "I have seen and heard you and I am concerned for you! I am going to rescue you. I am God". (Paraphrased version- check out Exodus 3 for the full details.) The man was obviously taken back and at that moment the entire direction of his life was changed. In the past when I have read that story, I have always focused on the man and the message, but today I was drawn to the bush. The bush was on fire, but not consumed. It had the purpose of drawing the man, Moses, to God. </div><div><br /></div><div>It made me think about the fires we experience in life again. When those flames of trial lick our lives it can be classified as a dumpster fire OR a burning bush. It is a matter of perspective, choice, and faith. A dumpster fire is going to be consuming; it will incinerate, melt, and destroy everything it touches. It is going to really stink, and it serves very little purpose. It will burn us up!</div><div><br /></div><div>But a burning bush is different. It serves as an invitation to draw closer to God in order to hear his love for us, his concern for our circumstances, and his desire to rescue us. The burning bush may still be hot, but it will not consume us. It doesn't scorch our hearts and reduce our lives to ash. In fact, there is something beautiful about it. A burning bush has purpose. </div><div><br /></div><div>Trial by fire is a guarantee in this life. There is no insurance, no flame retardant, no smoke alarm that will keep us from it, BUT we can choose how we respond. We can be a Dumpster Fire or a Burning Bush. One will consume, destroy, and stink to high heaven and the other will withstand the flames, draw us to God, and allow us to experience a little heaven in the midst of the smoke.</div><div><br /></div><div>When the spark of heartache becomes a blaze hardship and threatens to burn you alive what will you be? Dumpster Fire or Burning Bush? (Be a Bush!!!!!!)</div><div>Love ya! Mean it!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-62489436391668666562021-01-17T10:20:00.020-08:002021-01-18T10:02:52.093-08:00The Shrinky Dink Effect<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Do you remember Shrinky Dinks? Maybe I am dating myself, but as a kid, I loved them! They were sheets of plastic with blackline images printed on them. You colored in the images with colored pencils, cut them out, and placed them on a cookie sheet. You placed them in the oven, and the heat would cause them to curl up and shrink down in size. When the process was complete, you were left with a small, hardened version of the image you had put in.</span><div>
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Have you ever seen the Shrinky Dink Effect in real life? I think it happens sometimes. A person is put into the oven of life. Something takes place that really turns up the heat. As a result, that person begins to shrivel up and harden. Just a small reflection of who they once were. It makes me wonder how we can go through a trial by fire and avoid curling up and becoming hardened by the Shrinky Dink Effect?</span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">I think of other substances that go through fire and come out better. Take glass, for instance. Made from sand and ash, these substances become something new under extreme heat. They shift from dry particles to something that is moldable. Add the breath of a glass smith, and the molten glass begins to take on a new form. With skilled movements, the glassblower transforms the blob into something beautiful and useful.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">It is the breath and the skilled hands of the glass smith that make all the difference. It reminds me of Genesis 2:7. <i>"</i><span style="background-color: white; font-style: italic;">Then the </span><span class="sc" style="background-color: white; font-style: italic; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white;"><i> God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature." </i>When we find ourselves in the oven of life, we can choose to be like the shrinky dink and curl up and harden, or we can choose to place ourselves in the hands of the glass smith - the one who can turn us into something new with his breath and form us into something beautiful with his hands. This requires an act of submission and focus. I have found that when I focus on myself and the flames, I become curled up and hardened. But as soon as I place myself in the hands of the master, I find the flames, while hot and painful, serve a purpose in my life that WILL BE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">My sweet friend, I wish that I could tell you that you won't face the heat, but 2020-2021 is certainly demonstrating how untrue that is. What I can tell you is that you can choose how you come out on the other side. What would you prefer? Hard and shriveled or transformed and beautiful? Stay focused on yourself and the flames, and I can guarantee that your heart will shrivel. Put yourself in God's hands, and you will be okay! (Trust me, I have tested him many times on this!) </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">So maybe that goes against your nature, and you don't know where to start. As a control freak who thought (okay, sometimes still does) for so long that I could fix things on my own, I have a few suggestions. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">First, <i>"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5</i> Why can you trust him? Because he has GOOD plans for you.<i> "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11</i>. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">Then, keep your eyes focused on him. Read your bible. Pray. Hang out with people who encourage you in your faith. Go to church. Sing some worship music. The moment your eyes shift, you will feel the Shrinky Dink effect. Remember Peter in Matthew 14: 22-33 when he was walking on water? The second he shifted his eyes from Jesus to the waves, he began to sink (which rhymes with shrink!). Keep those eyes steady!</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">Finally, let him do his work in you.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> "</span><i>And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God.</i><span style="background-color: white;">" </span><i>Romans 8:28</i><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span style="background-color: white;">When you submit yourself into his hands, you allow him to take the bad and turn it for good. That is what he wants.</span></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>May the only Shrinky Dink Effect you will experience in life takes place while you are crafting! You were meant to become something beautiful!</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD6dvdrZpM03ehsEU0Kpx7InuQqyaeVH70ltqeM7e377D7U8azVUHA9dNURqWgMRXtw1xyr-scqZ4wPGvr0dSx_uWG1YXpgizflvK4NEMPXTIvAJDjcJfkYtybJPDbfXP0-Vqw4ekqVM8/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD6dvdrZpM03ehsEU0Kpx7InuQqyaeVH70ltqeM7e377D7U8azVUHA9dNURqWgMRXtw1xyr-scqZ4wPGvr0dSx_uWG1YXpgizflvK4NEMPXTIvAJDjcJfkYtybJPDbfXP0-Vqw4ekqVM8/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><br /></i></div>
Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-67598191857178758152021-01-11T17:37:00.001-08:002021-01-18T10:03:00.945-08:00Feeling Off Balance? A Little Y.O.G.A. Lesson for the Soul<p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9vBDrn-6nFDrAUQVKGiKa4Sb2u8bcEzqXzPpIzGQ7_yqp4r-CJ2LWdhgf9mrp_Kt3wCMBcox117WhUVJjTIRzJZvo-m4geP4BqZiJGWsAXqPwugmKCaEMaXF7pxNp7TQA9aSu0sNc7i4/s1242/IMG_6794.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="764" data-original-width="1242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9vBDrn-6nFDrAUQVKGiKa4Sb2u8bcEzqXzPpIzGQ7_yqp4r-CJ2LWdhgf9mrp_Kt3wCMBcox117WhUVJjTIRzJZvo-m4geP4BqZiJGWsAXqPwugmKCaEMaXF7pxNp7TQA9aSu0sNc7i4/s320/IMG_6794.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Recently I have taken up Yoga. With all the craziness in the world adding in a bit of calm seemed like a pretty good plan! I have downward dogged, cat-cowed, and happy babied myself into thinking this is something I can really get into. A little breathing, a little stretching, a bit of strengthening, and a dash of balance. I can handle that! I was feeling pretty good about myself. That is until Standing Tree Pose…with my arms overhead…and my eyes closed. That was the kicker. As long as I could keep my eyes focused ahead I was AWESOME!!! Okay, I was decent, but at least I was upright and not wobbling all over the place. But the second I had to close my eyes, BOOM, the earthquake hit, I started falling and the Tree Pose became more of a rolling boulder. Yes, a beautiful sight to behold. Not very zen!</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-995e121e-7fff-e12d-c545-9418b0fb4490"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How many times a day does that happen to you? You’re focused, you’re balanced, and then BOOM the wheels fly off and you find yourself drowning in a sea of chaos. 2020 and its step-sister 2021 are the perfect pictures of that! How in the world are we supposed to stay balanced and peaceful in a world gone crazy? And boy, do I mean crazy!!! The answer is yoga. No, not the practice. The acronym. (Okay, so I just made this up, but stick with me here. It works!). Want peace and calm to rule your heart? Do </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Y.O.G.A.- You Only Gaze Ahead.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Disaster happens when we lose focus and start looking to the left and the right or when we squeeze our eyes shut and get lost in our own heads (yep, that can be the badlands). We have to remember that perfect peace is straight ahead! Isaiah 26:3 says, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You will keep in perfect peace</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">those whose minds are steadfast,</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">because they trust in you.”</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I see two parts to that verse. First, we have to be steadfast (focused) and second, we have to trust God. If I am focusing on God, but don’t really trust him to care for me I will wobble. If I trust Him, but keep my focus on the chaos I miss out on all He has to offer. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Peace comes when we focus on the one who is in control instead of focusing on the world around us. Colossians 3:2 says, </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly thing</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">s.”</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Think about the last time you were thrown off balance by anxiety or fear. My bet is you were focused on earthly things-- politics, social media, news, and other people. Those things CANNOT bring you the peace and balance you are seeking. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So follow me for a little Y.O.G.A. lesson straight from God’s Word. I want you to breathe deeply with me as you read these words that were written just for you!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Breathe in</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Breathe out.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Breathe in</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. “Pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body”. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Breathe out.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Breathe in</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. “ </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Breathe out.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Breathe in</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear...but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Breathe out.</span></p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Life is crazy. God is not. The world is chaotic. God is peace. Do your Y.O.G.A. each day -- if </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You ONLY Gaze Ahead</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> you will discover the peace you crave and the balance that you desire. No downward dog needed!</span></span>Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-72663400030454544112020-12-18T16:23:00.002-08:002021-01-18T11:00:03.577-08:00Be Like Toby<p>You do not have to know me for two minutes before you know that I am a sunshine girl. All. Day. Long. I seriously mourn the shortening of days, desperately dread dark seasons, and anxiously await the warmth of the sun on my skin. It is amazing to me how closely my life force seems to be tied to that warm light. It may be a little crazy, but it is medicinal for me. If you were to scroll through my phone you would see pictures of sunrises and sunsets, of sun pouring through trees and lighting up fields of sunflowers. It delights me. My Mimi always said no matter how bad you feel you need to get outside and get some sunshine every day. Maybe she is the source of my genetic predisposition. I love the light! (P.S. It is 86 days until the time changes back. WOOT WOOT!!!!)</p><p>I suppose that in some ways we all share that trait -- a desire for warm, bright days. We love the days where the bills are paid, the family is well, the job is going smoothly, all is right in the world. There are no clouds in our proverbial sky, no storms on the horizon of life, and we want those days to be n-i-i-i-i-i-i-c-c-e-e-e- and l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n-n-n-n-n-g-g-g-g-g like a warm summer day. BUT, just like that time change that I hate so much, life is filled with seasons of darkness-- you know, like 2020?!?! The bills aren't paid and you have no idea how they will be. The kids are quarantined for the third time and the cabin fever is strong. Work is, well, let's just say that the Tilt-a-Whirl at Joyland doesn't shake you up NEARLY as much as trying to function in a COVID world. You miss your family. You miss your friends, and for goodness sake, you miss your favorite Mexican Food Restaurant!!! It is dark. It is depressing. And it seems - like it -will last -FOREVER!!! We just want that light back. </p><p>I have to admit I have been wrestling some darkness this week. Lately, it seems like it rains the whole time we are at MD Anderson in Houston making us have to stay indoors. As small as this seems it has a big impact on my coping mechanisms. The news we have been getting has been heavy, too. It feels very dark. The path ahead seems like a poorly lit, seldom traveled path in a heavily wooded forest inhabited by wolves. I can't see ahead, I can't get my bearings, and I have felt a little lost. I hate these moments when I don't have clarity. Ugh.</p><p>Today I asked you guys to pray for me and some telehealth appointments. In my last two visits with the surgeon, he has given the strong impression that surgery isn't a great option right now which leaves us with chemo or a trial. I have felt a little trapped and cornered in a dark, dark room. As I joined the call today I noticed that I had a message in my MD Anderson chart. My appointment had changed from the surgeon to his nurse practitioner. Disappointment. Dark. As she joined the call she explained that my doctor's mother had fallen and he had to leave quickly, but that they had reviewed my case this morning and she could share what he was thinking. She began to say that he believes that the progression means we need to consider resection. Wait, what? I thought that wasn't an option?! She shared that there actually may be several options there. I felt it-- a little bit of warmth. She began to describe them to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a glimmer of light begin to flicker and a little hope begin to bubble. To make a long story short he will be taking my case to the multi-disciplinary board in January. They will talk through the options to determine the best approach. All of the sudden my heart lifted and it was like the sun began to rise a little just revealing a new turn in the path. And that, my dear friends, is the way life works. Just about the time that you think it can't get much darker a light breaks through from an unexpected place. You just have to have your eyes open to see it!</p><p>I know that some of you are sitting right there in a dark corner. Your own version of the nuisance has you feeling trapped. Open your eyes and wait with expectation. The time will change again. The light will break through the clouds. The darkness doesn't last forever (it just feels like it). </p><p>As for me? There are lots of unknowns ahead and I still can't see that stinking path, but I do feel a little light breaking through. I was sharing with my friend Beth how I was feeling about that and she sent me this picture of her dog Toby. </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-LQJowG0JX19Vbo7DFL5dl3AooviEqECISyuLczz6eYI_GkRWpht8eRDWu_eqYQzg6rfXg3nAFPSMiOYE6lhcsfZcgVGy5gX72jIn_kw6j009DaehBRf5xXGenmTIxAWTTGjDHtDeQVw/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-LQJowG0JX19Vbo7DFL5dl3AooviEqECISyuLczz6eYI_GkRWpht8eRDWu_eqYQzg6rfXg3nAFPSMiOYE6lhcsfZcgVGy5gX72jIn_kw6j009DaehBRf5xXGenmTIxAWTTGjDHtDeQVw/" width="180" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">She said, "He searches for any sliver of light. Darkness all around and he rests in the light." </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">What a perfect picture of how we should live. The Bible says, "<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Corbel, Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.</i>"</span> <i>John 1:5</i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Corbel, Verdana, sans-serif;"> Sometimes we feel like the darkness is totally winning, but it CANNOT overcome the light. And that light is Jesus. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Corbel, Verdana, sans-serif; font-style: italic;">John 8:12 says, "</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Corbel, Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” </i> Okay, I am following!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Corbel, Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Corbel, Verdana, sans-serif;">So here is my plan. I am going to continue to pray for clarity to know each step I should take (if I cross your mind will you pray that for me, too?) I am going to keep my eyes wide open so I don't miss the light. I am going to be like Toby and find that warm bright spot in the darkness and then I am going to rest in it. Care to join me? I'll scoot over for you!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Corbel, Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Corbel, Verdana, sans-serif;">Love ya! Mean it!💗</span></div><br /><p></p><p><br /></p>Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-27090850307219098562020-12-16T17:24:00.002-08:002021-01-18T11:00:28.051-08:00The Black Dot<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCwheQ3QQicK1MXZRPvLPF59iQ8CQQF2CDJ5eKAmq-1ZVbG7jb2RUZZBaCxolezM4riA3jZA08OraY_Eo8H6ueQCgIixpIKn1c_D0Ps9wwm_3NA2GXv09ePuW7XrZXh3sV63d5Pz6X4sY/s2048/White-Page-Black-Dot.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1583" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCwheQ3QQicK1MXZRPvLPF59iQ8CQQF2CDJ5eKAmq-1ZVbG7jb2RUZZBaCxolezM4riA3jZA08OraY_Eo8H6ueQCgIixpIKn1c_D0Ps9wwm_3NA2GXv09ePuW7XrZXh3sV63d5Pz6X4sY/s320/White-Page-Black-Dot.png" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">I recently read a story of an unusual test given by a professor. It went a little something like this. <span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">One day, a professor entered his classroom and asked his students to prepare for a surprise test. They all waited anxiously at their desks for the exam to begin.</span></span></p><p style="font-size: 16px;"></p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The professor handed out the exams with the text facing down, as usual. Once he handed them all out, he asked the students to turn over the papers.</span></span><p style="font-size: 16px;"></p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">To everyone’s surprise, there were no questions–just a black dot in the center of the paper. The professor, seeing the expression on everyone’s faces, told them the following: “I want you to write about what you see there.” The students, confused, got started on the inexplicable task.</span></span><p style="font-size: 16px;"></p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">At the end of the class, the professor took all the exams and started reading each one of them out loud in front of all the students.</span></span><p style="font-size: 16px;"></p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">All of them, with no exception, defined the black dot, trying to explain its position in the center of the sheet. After all the tests had been read, the classroom silent, the professor began to explain:</span></span><p style="font-size: 16px;"></p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">“I’m not going to grade you on this, I just wanted to give you something to think about. No one wrote about the white part of the paper. Everyone focused on the black dot – and the same thing happens in our lives. However, we insist on focusing only on the black dot – the health issues that bother us, the lack of money, the complicated relationship with a family member, the disappointment with a friend. The dark spots are very small when compared to everything we have in our lives, but they are the ones that pollute our minds. Take your eyes away from the black dots in your lives. Enjoy each one of your blessings, each moment that life gives you. Be happy and live a life filled with love!”</span></span><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">As I read that tale I recognized the truth of it. It truly does seem to be in our nature to focus on the "black dots" in our lives and miss the blessings all around us. Do you do it, too? I have a running list in my mind of my failures, my shortcomings, my mistakes, and my problems. If I am not careful they can steal my joy.</span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">This week we went to MD Anderson to check on The Nuisance. Because of COVID that trip carries a little more anxiety these days. Rodney is not allowed to enter the hospital with me so I go through the tests, the scans, and the appointments alone. A mind can run away pretty quickly when alone. Yesterday I sat quietly waiting to hear the results of my scans. Once the report was handed to me my mind QUICKLY landed on the words recurrence, mass, increased, malignancy. My pulse quickened, my breathing stopped, my world quivered. I listened as they rattled the options. Things I have heard too many times before. Surgery, chemo, trials... none of which carry guarantees. The room turned into one giant black dot. I listened. I gathered my things. I walked out alone. </span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">It takes some time for my head and my heart to work things through, but gradually I collect my thoughts and find my center. In those moments I am reminded of a story from my earlier days with the Nuisance about <a href="http://itzadoozie.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-boxing-gloves.html">boxing gloves</a>. I am taken to the mat, but I am not alone. Slowly I find my way to my knees, then my feet, then I pull myself up to continue the fight. When I reread the scan today I noticed other words around the black dot. Stable. No new. Slight. Yesterday my mind could only see the black dot. Today I realize that isn't all there is to the story. It is true that I have some recurrences of malignancies. It is true that there is growth. It is true there is cause for concern. There are black dots to be sure. But there are also some spots that are stable. There are no new places noted. There are some things to be grateful for even on a "bad" report. And for that I am grateful. </span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Each day you and I are taking a test. A test of perspective. A test of will. A test that will determine the amount of peace, hope, and joy that we will, or will not, experience in our lives. What will we focus on?</span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Today I was in a sinking spell. The black dot was blocking out my vision so I did what I have learned to do. I opened my bible to marked passages that get my thoughts back on track. I read 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 </span></span><span style="font-family: arial;"><i><span class="text 2Cor-1-8" id="en-NIV-28809" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 2Cor-1-9" id="en-NIV-28810" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="display: inline; font-size: 1.2rem; font-weight: 700; line-height: normal; position: relative; top: auto; vertical-align: text-top;"> </span>Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 2Cor-1-10" id="en-NIV-28811" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="display: inline; font-size: 1.2rem; font-weight: 700; line-height: normal; position: relative; top: auto; vertical-align: text-top;"> </span>He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us,</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 2Cor-1-11" id="en-NIV-28812" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.</span></i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><i><span class="text 2Cor-1-11" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="background-color: white;">I was reminded how many times in the past eight years I have felt I couldn't withstand the weight of The Nuisance. So many times I have felt the sentence of death. But I am reminded that all of this has taught me to be fully dependent on the ONE who makes me brave. My doctors cannot save me. I cannot save me. My family and friends cannot save me, but my GOD? He HAS saved me. Over and over. He has done it before and he can do it again. He has delivered me and YOUR PRAYERS have played a part in that. Your prayers help me see the white paper and not focus on the black dots. You and I can give thanks because God always answers our prayers -- even when we may think he hasn't.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="background-color: white;">I have a literal black dot on my chest. It was tattooed there when I received radiation treatments to make sure the machine was hitting the right spot. It sits beside a scar that runs from my collarbone to below my diaphragm. That black dot can serve as a reminder of the battle or as a reminder of the victory. I choose to see the victory. I choose to see the blessings of provision, of love, of prayer, of healing.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="background-color: white;">I have been handed a test. It is a piece of white paper with a black dot on it. I will pass this test. I will spend more time writing about the white than the black dot. How about you? Grab your proverbial pen and write about the white space! The black dot is tiny in comparison!</span></span></div>Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-91806722543391335852020-09-21T19:17:00.001-07:002021-01-18T10:03:50.325-08:00The Greased Up Slip-and-Slide in Six Inch Heels<p> I have a cruel confession. I have this really bad character flaw. I am sorry if you have ever fallen victim to it, but I just can't seem to help myself. When I see someone fall, I just cannot control myself. I find it to be one of the funniest things in the world. Now I am not talking about spiritual falls or failures or anything like that. I am not heartless. I am talking about the good ole fashion, can't get your feet back under yourself, you might just pull something kind of falls. I know I am not alone-- after all, Funniest Home Videos had a million seasons packed with falls that we all busted a stitch over. </p><p>Slipping is possibly one of my favorite genres of falls. A good slip can seem to last forever and certainly pulls in all of the body as one flails desperately trying to recover. It makes me snicker just to think about it. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigXq6LFz-ncE8JSQA5ycMyNRqmQKI82SfOUskelK7HkquEPHEL08wW7Rf62oXCqFpdP5AGrLxCE0TJVk2nAHiqbqh_HDw2AWkvH6TIrIRDBGd3vOON-nEf6eYa4xKBQwrfpKFN2GQ76ks/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="330" data-original-width="400" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigXq6LFz-ncE8JSQA5ycMyNRqmQKI82SfOUskelK7HkquEPHEL08wW7Rf62oXCqFpdP5AGrLxCE0TJVk2nAHiqbqh_HDw2AWkvH6TIrIRDBGd3vOON-nEf6eYa4xKBQwrfpKFN2GQ76ks/" width="291" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>This morning I was reading scripture about that very thing. Psalm 94:18 says, "When I said, "My foot is slipping, your unfailing love, Lord, supported me." As a student of falling, a mental picture came to my mind. I imagined how it looks when someone is learning to skate. Legs are going every direction, arms are swinging wildly, but if you are lucky you have someone who is firm on their feet to help keep you steady. I began to think about times in my life when I have mentally, emotionally, or spiritually felt like I was slipping. In times like these, it is natural to seek something firm to hold onto. Something that can help us regain our balance. And God, in His unfailing love, is happy to support us. Our perspective can seem that a fall is imminent and in those times we long for strong and steady support.</p><p>The idea of slipping caught my attention and I began to look for other verses that address that concept. I soon found one that painted a different perspective. Psalm 121:3 says, "He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber." In the first verse, the author calls out he is slipping and <i>then </i>the Lord supported him. In the second we are told that God does not let our foot slip to begin with--- that he is constantly watching over us-- to the point of never sleeping, never taking his eyes off us. I don't think these verses contradict each other regarding God. I think they point out differences in our vantage point and God's.</p><p>There are times in life that I feel I am slipping completely out of control. I am desperately trying to regain my balance and find something to save me <i>then </i>I call to God for support. But from God's point of view, he has me firmly in his hand all along. Like a Father supporting a child, he begins to catch me before I even know I am slipping. From my viewpoint, I am certain I am going to bust it. From his, He is certain I will not. He has me. He never takes his eyes off me. Remember how out of control it felt when we learned to skate? Legs going in every direction, bodies pitching back and forth, hearts racing as we anticipated the fall--- but our parents were steadily holding us up. That is just what God does.</p><p>I love the thought of that. I am grateful that when I feel I am slipping that he supports me, but I am even more grateful to think of the fact that he is preparing to support me before the ground beneath me even begins to become slick. How cool is that?!</p><p>The past month (okay, maybe six) I feel like I have been on one long and slippery slope. I have become exhausted from thrashing around trying to recover my balance. At times I have felt like I was skidding across a greased up slip-and-slide in six inch heels just looking for something to grab onto. What a relief to be reminded that He will not let me fall!</p>Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-7912789988768480722020-08-15T08:40:00.004-07:002021-01-18T10:04:26.101-08:00Just Say Thank You<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGpl3I7PAVgX2ewSqWVJxX3eAmvxIDs1k0duLv8aHALwW2CWB_jkPAYwqxG4VGFXdZsD1Vn2ZgLpAzyJSvHc8TThcDPx68ks15hQHzDgHPNbEWyY1J2CKDIkDnCvWvUiIzO-3WK1VCJz4/s1242/just+say+thank+you.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="890" data-original-width="1242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGpl3I7PAVgX2ewSqWVJxX3eAmvxIDs1k0duLv8aHALwW2CWB_jkPAYwqxG4VGFXdZsD1Vn2ZgLpAzyJSvHc8TThcDPx68ks15hQHzDgHPNbEWyY1J2CKDIkDnCvWvUiIzO-3WK1VCJz4/s640/just+say+thank+you.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><br /></p><p>Do you ever have those weeks when the weight of our last five months of craziness seems to suddenly become overwhelmingly heavy? You think you have been managing, balancing, and dealing with it all so well, and then suddenly, you realize you aren't sleeping well, your heart is beating a little faster than usual, your energy seems zapped, and your mind cannot seem to be still --ever. Your stress, the stress of those around you, and the lack of an end in sight have suddenly gone from 211 degrees to 212. Boiling. Who am I kidding? We have ALL felt it. It is the current human condition.</p><p>It has been that way for me this week. We lost my sweet uncle this week, and we were unable to have the traditional healing gatherings to love one another through. While we know his future and his security, we couldn't deal with our own emotions in the usual ways. That felt very heavy. Sometimes it hasn't been my own breaking under stress but the breaking of those around me that was heavy- their frustration, their hurt, their pain, their anxiety spilling over. That felt very heavy. My prayer list of those around me seems to be growing longer by the day with the trials of people I love. That makes my heart feel heavy. And then there is the Nuisance- always just kind of slinking around in the background looking for weak moments of opportunity to remind me it exists. That can feel very heavy.</p><p>I found myself in a negative loop. Running through the burdens of the day. Replaying conversations in a way that wasn't helpful. Beating myself up for things that didn't go as I wished. Worrying about things lying ahead. 3:00 each morning seemed to be an alarm clock for the doubt, the worry, the frustration, the regret, and the sorrow. And then as I lay there eyes-wide-open, stuck in the replay of gloom, a phrase popped up in my head. Just Say Thank You. So I did. I said thank you for my family. Thank you for my uncle. Thank you for my memories. Thank you for my husband and children. Thank you for my job. Thank you for my co-workers. Thank you for the kind person in the hall. Thank you for laughter. Thank you for my boss. Thank you for prayer. Thank you for that text. Thank you for grace. Thank you for forgiveness. Thank you for...and I drifted off to sleep.</p><p>The next day the worry returned. Just say thank you. So I did. Thank you for sunshine. Thank you for dragonflies. Thank you for my pond and fish. Thank you for technology that has made the impossible possible. Thank you for health. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for my church. Thank you for leaders who are having to carry so much. Thank you for that answered prayer... and the worry disappeared.</p><p>I have been playing that game for a few days now. I have gotten down to some pretty simple things to be thankful for- the weight of the blanket on my bed, the feel of the grass on my feet, the warmth of the coffee in my cup, the soreness in my legs from being able to work out. When a negative thought pops up, I am replacing it with thanks. </p><p>You see, we cannot control what life gives out. The loss, the struggles, the unknowns, the unfairness, but we can choose how we will receive it. Our human nature is to perseverate on the negative, but the beauty of our minds is the freedom of choice to not remain there. I am sad for the loss of my uncle. Thank you for the memories and the love we shared. Thank you for the gift of salvation. I am worried about the future of my health. Thank you that today I feel so strong. Emotions are really high in the world. Thank you for all of the kind and encouraging ones. I am worried for the burdens of people I care about. Thank you for hope and prayer. </p><p>As I was writing this I suddenly had a memory from childhood. Before going places my mom would always run down the checklist of manners. One of her reminders would often be about being offered food we didn't like. Her advice was, "Just say thank you". Just because it was on our plate didn't mean we had to eat it, but the attitude of gratefulness would make the experience better for everyone. Pretty good advice there, Mama! So this week if things get put on your plate that you do not like, join me in remembering the advice of our moms. You don't have to swallow it. Just say thank you! When you find your gratitude you will find your joy!</p><p><br /></p>Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-52941542019362355572020-06-27T10:00:00.003-07:002021-01-18T10:05:42.556-08:00Work that Core!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Like so many others during COVID-19 I spent the first few weeks eating all the good stuff. Having the boys back home from college brought out the motherly need to cook all the good things-- and I mean the GOOD things (with extra cheese please)! The boys dodged the Freshmen-15 only for me to hit us with the COVID-19! It was a good run, but something had to change! I started to realize COVID-19 wasn't going to be a sprint but a marathon so I better stop cooking like it was one big holiday. Back to clean food and exercise for me! </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now if you're thinking, see ya later Anna, I didn't know this was going to be a blog about diet and exercise, don't bail on me yet! There is something here for you, I promise!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I begin pressing play on my workout videos to help offset the bulge! As a part of any exercise program, you spend a large amount of time working on your core. Balance is about your core. Strength is about your core. Speed is about your core. Flexibility is about your core. Endurance is about your core. Everything is improved when you strengthen your core. Yet when we ignore our core we quickly lose that inner strength that impacts so many areas.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Most of you probably know that this week I didn't get the reports I was wanting at my check-up at MD Anderson. The Nuisance (aka cancer) is continuing to grow so we are deciding what our next steps are. Weighing Risk and Reward as we decide when to do treatment and when to hold steady. Dealing with a challenge like this (or like a rocky marriage, an unstable financial situation, COVID, crazy kiddos, etc., etc., etc.) requires a lot of strength. It throws off balance. It requires you to be more flexible to adjust to life. Sometimes you have to act with speed and sometimes you have to act with endurance. And do you know what you need to be able to do all those things? Yep, a strong core. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I have learned one thing in life it is that successful navigation is contingent not upon my personal strength (I don't have enough), but on the strength of my core. Without that solid foundation, the slightest hiccup in life can throw a person off-balance and rob them of their endurance, but with it, there is flexibility and speed to react and overcome. Sometimes people ask me how I am so strong. Let me be clear I AM NOT! But my core is. Having a foundation built on Christ is what helps me navigate. He is the source of my balance, my strength, my flexibility, and my endurance. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Matthew 7:24-27 says this, <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">"</span><span class="text Matt-7-24" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: x-small; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">24 </span>“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23341B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23341B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.</span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Matt-7-25" id="en-NIV-23342" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">25 </span>The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.</span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Matt-7-26" id="en-NIV-23343" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">26 </span>But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.</span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Matt-7-27" id="en-NIV-23344" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">27 </span>The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”</span></span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span class="text Matt-7-27" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text Matt-7-27" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">When we have a strong core, a firm foundation, we have the ability to weather the storms of life-- my storm, your storm, big storms, little storms. So how do we build this strong core? Good news - no sit-ups or planks required!!!! A strong core is built by developing a relationship with God. For me, that is through reading my bible, memorizing scriptures, praying, and worshiping him through song. Sometimes this is in a formal way like going to church or having a quiet time, but to be honest my best "workouts" happen as I am going about my day. I see a facebook post and say a quick prayer, I listen to worship music on my walks, I say a verse in my mind to the rhythm of my walking. Building a core isn't hard, it just requires taking action. It requires that you shift your focus from the distractions and problems to the one who can manage them.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text Matt-7-27" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text Matt-7-27" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">Friend, I don't know what trials you are facing. I don't know the size of the problem, the depth of the pain, the length of the struggle. But I do know what it is to have them. Boy, do I know! I know fear, I know doubt, I know worry. They are so familiar to me. They are the enemy to balance, strength, flexibility, and endurance. But we have been given the weapon to overcome them. Focusing our attention on them makes them stronger. We have to build our core. So let me be your trainer today. Let me help you build your workout plan. Today fill your mind with music that helps you worship (If you have Amazon music I will link a playlist I have been building below that you might enjoy.) Replace your worry with prayer. Tell God your fears and worries. He is big enough to handle them! Open your bible and read a little. If you don't know a place to start I love Psalm 91. If you want a practical book to study I adore James. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text Matt-7-27" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text Matt-7-27" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">I wish I could tell you I know how to make our problems go away. I don't. I do know however that a strong core will give us the foundation we need to get through it! Back in the 80's my sisters and I would do the 20-Minute workout on TV. They would call out, "I know you're tough, I know you're strong, come on, come on, come on, come on." We would make fun of that, but it is funny how often it will run through my mind when life is tough. So let's throw on some leg warmers and set our minds to building that strong core! " </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know you're tough, I know you're strong, come on, come on, come on, come on."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text Matt-7-27" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><a href="https://tinyurl.com/Annaplaylist">Anna's Playlist</a></span></span></span><br />
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<br />Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-309860453420844662020-06-24T10:46:00.001-07:002021-01-18T10:06:20.584-08:00The Storyteller<br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One of my favorite childhood memories is of days
spent on my uncle’s ranch in Gail, Texas. My grandparents, aunts and uncles,
and cousins would spend the day exploring, hunting arrowheads, and fishing. As
the sun began to set on that red clay piece of land we would head back up to
the old ranch house. The rustic old house had no electricity or running water
and there was something about that that could transport me back in time. While
the adults made themselves busy packing up for the day, we kids would gather on
the floor around a chair for storytime. With a lantern lit and reflecting
dramatically on the face of the storyteller we would lean in to hear the tale.
Most often one of my aunts or older cousins would be the storyteller and
usually, the story was spooky. The darker it got outside the spookier the
stories became. As the tale reached the climax, you could feel yourself tensing
up. I would tell myself that this time I wasn’t going to jump and scream. After
all, I could anticipate it coming and I was becoming a big kid. No more jumping
for big kids. The storyteller would drop their volume causing us to have to
lean forward to hear. They would slooowwww down their paaaaacceee, and
begin...to speak...in a whisper soooooooooo soft that you …..could
hardly…..HEAR IT!!!!! That is when they got you! That little yell right at the
end. We would all jump and fall into a fit of laughter acting like we weren’t
REALLY scared, (okay, maybe just a little).</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For seven years I have been dealing with The
Nuisance. Each time I sit waiting for my reports I am just like that kid again.
I can anticipate what is coming. I am a “big kid” at this now. No more jumping
for “big kids”. Whatever is coming I won’t be afraid. The room gets
deathly quiet as I listen for the footsteps of the doctor coming down the hall.
As he comes in I lean forward in my chair. I tell myself that I won’t be caught
off guard. I won’t “jump”. This time was especially strange. Because of COVID I
had to go in by myself. Everything seems scarier when you are alone. Trying to
hear, not be afraid, ask the right questions, and keep it together required a
whole new level of focus as I braced myself, determined “not to jump”. I know
who has me so I don’t have to be afraid. The doctor begins to tell the story…
“We have the reports from your scans…(suspense builds. Don’t jump, Anna, don’t
jump) unfortunately, (I don’t think there was a dramatic pause there, but
it sure felt like it) things are continuing to progress. And just like every
other time I jumped. He began to run through the options which are a trial with
immunotherapy which will require me to go to Houston every three weeks for
treatment or I can do chemo. Surgery and radiation are not on the table right
now since the spots are not all in the same location. I don’t have to
decide today, he tells me. Talk it over with your family and let us know. Logic
says I knew that was coming and yet it still gets me every single time. I
jumped.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The day or so after one of these visits there is
a lot of wrestling that goes on in my mind. Trying to process, trying to
problem solve, trying to predict is messy business. I hate that part, but every
time it happens God gives me a gift that helps me work it through. This time
the storyteller was my gift. You know the cool thing about being a storyteller
is that you get to decide how to tell the story. When I was a kid whoever was
sitting in the chair got to pick the topic and the story, but they weren’t the
only ones with choice. There was also a choice about whether to listen or not.
No one said we HAD to sit and listen. We chose that. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In life, we have to be careful about the stories
we are listening to. I think that is super evident in the world we are living
with right now. We are being tossed about by all kinds of storytellers, but who
is speaking the truth? Who is speaking from a place of wisdom? Who should we be
listening to? We have to have so much discernment to sit at the feet of
the right storyteller. As I wrestle more with the news I received this week I
have a choice. I can listen to the storyteller who says The Nuisance is growing
and proceeds to tell me all the scary things associated with that or I can
listen to the storyteller who acknowledges that The Nuisance is growing but
goes on to add that it is still slow (PRAISE GOD) it is not pressing on an
organ (PRAISE GOD) I can postpone treatment a little longer (PRAISE GOD). Why
in the world would I stay locked in on the storyteller of fear when I can
listen to the storyteller of PRAISE?! And just like that, I am released
from the fear that tries to grab me. In a bible study a few weeks ago our
teacher said, “Praise powers perspective.” I find that to be so wise and
so true. As soon as we shift our ears to the storyteller of praise our whole
perspective on a situation can begin to change. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So here I sit at a crossroads of decision. One
that I have been sitting at for the past year and a half. I feel so good right
now and the boogers are not pressing on any organs to cause immediate danger.
It is hard to think of sacrificing all of that. I am in the strangest place of
measuring risk against reward. Chemo and immunotherapy can trigger a whole new
series of problems and one lesson I have learned is that there are some things
worse than cancer. So I am pondering. I am praying for wisdom. Sometimes being
still is the wisest choice. As I sit in the stillness I will choose to listen
to the storyteller of praise. I will listen to the true author of my story and the one who knows both the beginning and the end. God has never failed me. He will not start now!</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You have storytellers jockeying for your
attention as well. They are trying to get you to lean in and listen. Some are
selling fear, some are selling anxiety, some are selling flat out lies. Choose
your storyteller wisely. <b>They may hold the seat but they do not have to hold
your attention. </b>When you are overwhelmed by fear and anxiety let the
storyteller of PRAISE change your focus. Remember the ONE true story.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I shift the narrative of my story from one of
fear to praise, I am thankful for you! I am thankful for your encouragement and
prayer. I am thankful to God who has been so faithful in my past allowing me to
know he will continue to be faithful in my future. I am thankful for my family,
my friends, my church, and my coworkers who love me through hard times. I
cannot do this alone. Thank you for helping me rewrite my story!</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-41279001529292125022019-11-16T10:50:00.002-08:002021-01-18T10:06:57.188-08:00A Disobedient Mind and a Pony<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Do you ever decide to do something only to find that your mind will not cooperate? It goes something like this:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You: "I am going to work out everyday this week!" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mind: "Um, you know there is a new season of your show on Netflix, right? I don't think so." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You: "I am going to eat healthy." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mind: "After this Oreo (package), perhaps." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You: "I am going to clean out my closet today."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mind: "You might be able to fit into those jeans from high school someday. Better slow your roll."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You: "I am going to stick to my budget this month."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mind: "SALE!!!!!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You: "I am going to choose Joy." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mind: "Actually, I'd like to remind you of 12,000 reasons that you absolutely will not!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sound familiar to you? I feel ya! My mind and I have been having a little bit of a discipline issue this week and like a stubborn 2 year old, it just has not wanted to submit to authority! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This week we went back to MD Anderson to check on the Nuisance (aka cancer). We did the usual </span>blood work<span style="font-family: inherit;">, scans, and doctors. We have been through this many times over the past seven (hard to believe) years. The reports were a mixed bag. There was some growth noted on the spots we have been watching. Not what I wanted to hear. The good news is the spots are not compromising my health right now and we are going to continue our watch and see approach. But here is how my mind game has gone this week:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Me: "Not exactly what I hoped for, but I am SOOO grateful that we get to coast a little longer and that the growth is slow!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mind: "But didn't you hear, it GREW?!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Me: "But it grew slow and I feel GREAT. That is something to be thankful for!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mind: "Listen, it GREW. It is PROGRESSING. You may have avoided treatment for now, but you know that won't last forever, right?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Me: "Maybe you're right. (anxiety creeps up) Maybe I should be worried about that.(sighs deeply, swallows hard) Here, will you hold my joy while I worry about that awhile?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mind: "Of course I will. I am here for you. A person in your position doesn't really have time for joy anyway."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That has been the last few days in my head and it makes me so mad! I have been shown over and over and over in the past seven years that there is always something to be grateful for.There is always hope. There is joy if you seek it. I know that things can be okay even if things are not all right. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> And yet I always get knocked down for a bit after I get bad news. My mind is disobedient. And that infuriates me!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I read some brain research this week that the brain perceives negative stimuli faster and with more intensity that positive stimuli. In fact, the research shows that positive experiences are harder for us to spot. In tests they have noted that the brain picks up on negative stimuli within 1/10th of a second. However, positive experiences must be focused on for 12 seconds longer before we retain it in our memory. That shows that our human nature is to pick up on the negativity around us. We have to work to overcome that bias. We are wired to perceive threats and respond quickly. Sometimes that tendency defeats our pursuit of happiness. There is a verse that I have come to understand in a whole new way in the past years. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "<span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;">W<i>e demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.</i>" Our human nature sometimes argues against what we know to be true about the character of God. I know him to be a provider, a healer, and a sustainer. Yet my nature argues and struggles against that when I am threatened. In those moments I have to fight all the harder to make my thoughts obedient to what I know to be true. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;">You and I are in a constant battle for our minds. Whether we are trying to change a habit, change a behavior, or change an emotion, sometimes we are having to fight our own selves. It is possibly the most important battle we will ever fight. We have a choice in EVERY circumstance about how we will respond and how we will view the world around us. In a world that can seem especially dark right now this is an important skill to acquire. It is okay to take a hit and experience some pain and sorrow, but if we want to have a quality life we can't sit there long. We have to SEEK THE GOOD even in the bad. It reminds me of a story I heard this week of twin brothers. One was an eternal optimist, the other an eternal pessimist. Their father sought to balance them out. He took the eternal pessimist into a room filled with the best and shiniest toys. The brother immediately began to cry. The father was surprised by the reaction when the boy began to whine, "They will probably all break or get lost." He walked his optimistic son to the next room which was filled with manure. The stench almost knocked them over when they opened the door. To his shock the optimistic son jumped into the manure and started digging. The father cried, "What are you DOING?!" to which the happy boy replied, "There MUST be a pony in here SOMEWHERE!"</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #001320;"><span style="background-color: white;">We, my friends, have choices. In the best of times we can choose to focus on the negative and lose our joy and in the worst of times we can focus on the positive and find it. It is a matter of controlling our disobedient minds. I want to challenge you to set your intentions on holding your thoughts captive and seeking the positive around you. Take charge of your internal dialogue and remember all the blessings of the past. In all things there is something good if we seek it. Look for the ponies!</span></span></div>
Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-13052731130940473452019-08-28T19:30:00.001-07:002021-01-18T10:07:32.422-08:00Backstage Blessings<div class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">Today I had the pleasure of listening to an assembly by a man named Alex Sheen called “Because I Said I Would” (</span><a href="https://becauseisaidiwould.org/">https://becauseisaidiwould.org/</a>)<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">. It was a lesson on being a person of your word and of character -- something greatly needed in our world these days. Alex’s story, and ultimately his movement, was sparked by the loss of his father to Stage 4 cancer. </span><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">I am not going to lie. When I listened to him tell of the impact of that loss I could feel the fear and panic creep up my soul. I stepped behind a column to try to gain my composure but it was a lost cause. I left the auditorium and slipped to the quiet dark of the backstage area and repeated a process that has served me well in the past six years. I ran to words to calm my soul.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">Surely he will save you</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> from the fowler’s snare</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> and from the deadly pestilence.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">He will cover you with his feathers,</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">You will not fear the terror of night,</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> nor the plague that destroys at midday.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">A thousand may fall at your side,</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> ten thousand at your right hand,</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> but it will not come near you.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">You will only observe with your eyes</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> and see the punishment of the wicked.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you,</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> no disaster will come near your tent.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">For he will command his angels concerning you</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> to guard you in all your ways;</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">they will lift you up in their hands,</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">You will tread on the lion and the cobra;</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> you will trample the great lion and the serpent.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">He will call on me, and I will answer him;</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> I will be with him in trouble,</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> I will deliver him and honor him.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">With long life I will satisfy him</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"> and show him my salvation.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">I was reminded of all the times He has hidden me in the feathers of his wings. I recalled the times He has calmed my terrors and quieted my soul. I began counting the times He has rescued me from the impossible. Gradually the fear began to subside. Sometimes the calming of the fear and anxiety is abrupt and stops sharply. Other times the process reminds me of the wave pool at water parks. The water doesn’t stop rocking just because someone flipped a switch. The waves can continue to come for a few moments after the calming begins. I was experiencing that today. I would start to feel the fear reside and another wave would follow. What if??? What IF?! WHAT IF?!?!?!!!</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">Just when I felt like I was going back under a reminder popped up on my phone. I glanced down to see, the verse...</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">“I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:2. A verse from the very scripture I had run to.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">It was as if God said, “Okay, Anna. I guess you didn’t hear me so I will repeat it for you slowly. Chill out! I am your refuge. I’ve got this! Trust me.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">And just like that the wave pool went still.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 19pt;">I don’t know what your fears and anxieties are. But God does. And he cares enough to repeat himself when you are scared and worried. Just like he met me in the darkness of backstage he is happy to meet you! And if you need him to tell you more than once? Well, He loves you so much he will gladly do so!</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">PS I HAD TO COME BACK AND ADD THIS! As I was closing down for the night I thought I would look at the verse one more time. I went to my bible app to read it. Below is a screenshot of the verse of the day. It is not the verse that popped up on my phone at 9:12 this morning. I cannot find that one on here anywhere. I would say I don't know how that could happen, but I guess that isn't true. He can do all things!</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">P.S.S.-- I had to add more! My sister texted me this morning to point out that the screenshot I posted of Psalm 91:2 popping up on my phone was taken at 9:12. Yet another reminder that God sees me. He is intentional in his timing and in His reminders of His love. 9:12, Psalm 91:2, "I see you, Anna. I know how you feel <i>right</i> <i>this</i> <i>minute</i>. I know just the words you need. It is 9:12 and I want you to know I am your refuge. I told you so in Psalm 91:2. Read it again. P.S.- I love you."</span></div>
Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-3776210093767670102019-06-27T16:42:00.004-07:002021-01-18T10:08:01.076-08:00Exhale<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>“You’re holding your breath. Breathe. You have been here before and each time God has given just what you need. Just when you need it. Breathe. Smile. Breathe. You will be okay. No matter what.”</i><br />
<i><br /></i>And so go my thoughts as I sit in waiting room after waiting room. Waiting on tests, waiting on doctors, waiting on answers. Sometimes I will find myself almost lightheaded and will realize I have been holding my breath. Not sure why I do that. Not sure what it accomplishes, but it seems to be almost reflexive.<br />
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As the doctors and nurses come in I am reading their faces, reading their body language, looking for any clue as to whether the news they bring is good or bad. And then they begin to speak— and I hold my breath. The next words they say have huge weight for me, for those I love, for those who love me.<br />
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<i>“You’re holding your breath. Breathe. You have been here before and each time God has given just what you need. Just when you need it. Breathe. Smile. Breathe. You will be okay. No matter what.”</i><br />
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<i>“</i>Well, Mrs. Jackson, we have your reports—- it looks like the spots are stable.” And I EXHALE! Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee, How great thou art!!!!!” I can breathe without needing internal dialogue!! The air, the fear, the hope, and the worry all come spilling out and I inhale the grace and the joy of the moment! How refreshing to my lungs!<br />
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Here are the Cliff’s Notes version of our week:<br />
The thymoma spots look much like they did three months ago. That is fantastic news!We will keep moving forward with a watch-and-see approach which brings me great joy! My doctor wants me to visit again with my surgeon just to make sure that we would not be missing a window of opportunity if we delay treatment, but from an oncology perspective, he is comfortable waiting. He wants me to be very clear on the viability (or not) of surgery and the health problems it might create including loss of lung tissue, breathing capacity, etc.<br />
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They reviewed the genetic study with me (although I am now realizing I did not ask enough questions!) One of the genetic tests was designed to measure the favorability of response to immunotherapy. It showed a 90% response rate. Super high. The doctor listened to my concerns about that triggering autoimmune diseases that are often associated with thymoma. He felt that risk was fairly low but did share concerns about other health issues it could cause. immunotherapy can trigger any “-itis” encephalitis, pancreatitis, colitis, nephritis— pretty much everything but gingivitis! Lol! <br />
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A study they did on my last biopsy shows that the thymoma sample is not secreting parathyroid hormone (PTH) which is running high. That confirms there is an Adenoma (non-cancerous tumor) one the parathyroid glands causing primary hyperparathyroidism. This has led to 5% bone loss in my left arm over two years and a kidney stone. It will continue to cause problems in those areas until treated. Surgery is required for that but they are also good with me waiting if I prefer. I am weighing the pros and cons. And breathing.<br />
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When I was a kid we would often throw objects into the deep end of the swimming pool and have contests to see who could swim down and retrieve them. There were times I would get to the bottom, grab the item, and turn to swim back to the surface and start to panic, feeling like I was running out of air. I would kick extra hard and just when I thought I couldn’t hold it for one more second, I would break through the surface, my fist in the air and as I exhaled I called out, “I got it!!!” That is how I feel right now. It has been a time of diving deep, searching for answers and a little more time before the next big step. I have panicked at times feeling like my chest would burst, but today I broke the surface with my fist in the air, exhaling and thinking , “I got it!!”<br />
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I am so grateful to God my Father who extends me grace I do not deserve and could never earn. I am grateful for my family and friends who intercede on my behalf and love me through it all! I am grateful for the gift of time! And I am so grateful to EXHALE!!!<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "oxygen" , "ubuntu" , "cantarell" , "fira sans" , "droid sans" , "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 20px;"><i>Give thanks to the LORD and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done. Sing to him; yes, sing his praises. Tell everyone about his miracles. 1 Chronicles 16:8-9</i></span><br />
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<br />Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-30964056780561499322019-06-25T10:44:00.003-07:002019-06-27T17:02:09.353-07:00The Gambler<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Gambler - Kenny Rogers</td></tr>
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If you have been around me much then you are probably aware that I have a soundtrack playing in my mind at almost any moment of my life. The songs may be prompted by the rhythm of my steps, the task I am completing, or a key phrase that you probably don't even realize you said. My poor office mates have grown semi-accustomed to my melodious outbreaks throughout the day. They just shake their heads and roll their eyes.<br />
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Recently the lyrics that have been on a continuous loop in my mind are "You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run" (Thank you, Kenny Rogers). I hope it doesn't sound sacrilegious to say that it has become somewhat of constant prayer in my mind. I am praying that I know when to be still, that I know when to let go of things, that I am wise enough to know when to walk away from something and sharp enough to know when to run!<br />
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When we found out in January that The Nuisance was back I had one goal --- to enjoy the boy's senior year and graduation. I was eager to postpone treatment while we ran a genetic study. When MD Anderson called and said, "Mrs. Jackson, we noticed you have postponed some appointments and just wanted to see if there was a reason" I replied, "Yes, ma'am, two of them! Their names are Sawyer and Spencer." It bought me the time I needed to soak in every moment of this special time in their lives. It has been a gift that I cherish, but it doesn't mean that I haven't fallen into a rabbit hole of fear a time or two along the way.<br />
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Having a rare cancer means that I have a greater responsibility to do some of my own research. It has saved my life multiple times -- literally, but it is also a very slippery slope. It is EXTREMELY easy to get focused on the nuisance and on trying to fix things myself. Shifting focus to the research can easily move my mind from God and fear will POUNCE! Like a beast! It will make me stand in Walmart thinking that I might scream. It will rob me of sleep. It will make it hard to breathe and feel like a huge weight upon my chest. It will isolate me even in a room of people. That fear was exacerbated a few months ago by the loss of my dear friend Jenny. She lost her battle with Thymoma, but it wasn't cancer that robbed her. It was autoimmune diseases associated with the cancer. That has made thinking about treatment options seem even more frightening. What if the treatments trigger a whole new set of issues? I feel so great right now and to think of sacrificing that doesn't sound so great. A<b>AAAGHHHHH!!!!</b> ("<i>When I am afraid, I put my trust in you! Psalm 56:3" Sorry, I had to type that to get my head back on straight!</i>)<br />
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So today I find myself on the road to Houston. I will have CT scans, bone scans, and blood work. I will see a variety of doctors. I will get the results of my genetic study. I will find out what the Nuisance has been up to in the past four months. And I will have decisions to make. I need to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run. Boy, do I need to know that!<br />
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So here are my prayers:<br />
I pray for a miracle! What a blessing it would be for the scans to be clear or even stable so that I can go longer without treatment! Oh, what blessing that would be! <b>But even if He doesn't I will praise him still!</b><br />
I pray that if we need to take some action that I will know what option is best -- the cards on the table appear to be two trials or chemo, but who knows what the dealer will add this week. One thing I have come to realize is that there are some things worse than cancer - sometimes the treatment is worse than the disease. I know that we may have to jump here sometime and will do so if that is what is required of me, but I am praying that I can buy time as long as possible before we go there. (hum the chorus with me, You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run).<br />
I am also prayerful that if it is time to get additional opinions that I will know that as well. Maybe someone else needs to look at the hand I am holding.<br />
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For all the things I don't know right now, here are the things I do:<br />
1) I cannot heal me. Doctors cannot heal me. My healing can only come from my Father. He may use me and physicians, but HE is the great physician.<br />
2) Sometimes, like the thorn in Paul's side (2 Corinthians 12:7-10), God, for whatever reason, doesn't heal like we wish. Instead, he sustains. Instead, he uses the thorn for good purpose. Instead, he uses our weakness to show his power. HE loves me more than I love me and if for some reason this is for my good then this is for my good. I surrender to that.<br />
3) This Nuisance WILL bring glory to God. That doesn't mean I don't get scared. It doesn't mean I don't sink sometimes. It doesn't mean I don't wish it would go away, but BY GOLLY I WILL NOT LET IT RUIN MY LIFE OR STEAL MY JOY! My joy comes not from my circumstances but from the savior who sustains me THROUGH my circumstances.<br />
4) We don't control the hands we are dealt, but we can control how we play the game. "So if you're gonna play the game boy, you gotta learn to play it right." I am trusting God to teach me how to play it!<br />
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Please join us in praying for this week and the future. Pray that as we make decisions that we will clearly hear God's prompting and will know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run...<br />
<br />Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-28405958184633561152019-03-26T19:10:00.002-07:002021-01-26T18:26:58.723-08:00Trapped Like a Turkey?Surprises lie around every corner. I have gotten to where I love to watch for them because they often teach me something important. I had one of those moments today. On my drive to work, my attention was captured by an unusual sight. Movement caught my eye and when I glanced over at I noticed a wild turkey frantically pacing back and forth behind a fence desperately looking for a way out.<br />
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You could tell by the poor bird's movements that his little turkey heart must have been in full-blown panic mode as it searched and searched for an escape. Now you, I, and Arthur Carlson from <a href="https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2t3g8q">WKRP</a> in Cincinnati know (If you don't get that reference then you owe it to yourself to click the link and enjoy!) turkeys cannot fly -- at least not the fattened Thanksgiving turkeys that we eat. But wild turkeys? Now that is a different story. While it is true that wild turkeys spend a lot of time on the ground and will never join geese or other birds on long-distance flights, they <i>are</i> actually capable of flight. In fact, their survival depends upon it. In the evenings they roost high up in the trees for safety. This is a picture I took at camp last Christmas. Do you see them?</div>
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The height of these branches is FAR greater than the height of the chainlink fence that had my little feathered friend in a tizzy. I chuckled a little as I thought, "What a foolish bird. He's forgotten he can fly!" And then I realized that he is not the only turkey. </div>
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How often am I confronted with an obstacle and I react by desperately pacing back and forth completely forgetting that I have the gift of flight? I get focused on the proverbial fence and completely forget the tools of escape that I have at my disposal. Over and over in scripture, I am reminded that God has equipped me for freedom and not the entrapment of fences. </div>
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<b>He Gives Me Strength and Renewal</b></div>
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<i>Isaiah 40:31 "But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles (turkeys); they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."</i></div>
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<b>He Helps Me When I am Fearful and Dismaye<i>d</i></b></div>
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<i>Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.</i></div>
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<b>He Provides Escape So I Don't Get Tangled Up</b></div>
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<i>1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. But God is faithful. He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear and when you are tempted he will provide a way out so that you can endure it."</i></div>
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So today I am thankful for my frantic little fowl friend for he gave me a good reminder. When faced with a fence I must remember that I can fly!</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i>Oh, that I had wings like a dove (ahem, turkey); then I would fly away and rest! Psalm 55:6</i></span></span></div>
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Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-82932344995395460212019-03-23T10:45:00.000-07:002019-06-27T17:02:41.395-07:00When It All Comes Tumbling Down<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Do you remember when you were a kid and had worked so hard to build something out of blocks only to have it come tumbling down? Sometimes someone accidentally tipped things over, other times it was an intentional act. Occasionally you were the incidental source of destruction, and sometimes there was just no apparent cause for why things fell. They just did. When it all came tumbling down sometimes we got angry, sometimes we cried, and sometimes just "took our blocks and went home".<br />
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Then we grew up and we set childish things aside and got busy building our lives only to discover that sometimes things still come tumbling down. As adults, we work so hard to get everything stacked neatly. We lay a foundation for a family. We add walls of careers. We embellish with friends and activities. We carefully structure it so that everything looks good on the outside. About the time we settle in and think, "This is just what I had in mind", something happens to make it all come tumbling down. Just like in the block pile at kindergarten, the cause of the collapsing might be accidental. There is an unexpected car wreck or a bill you sincerely meant to pay. Other times it is caused by a very intentional attack upon us -- the divorce papers out of nowhere, the gossip behind our backs, the bullying of our kids. Sometimes as we sit in the debris we realize we are the source of our own destruction. That word we said, that action we took, that choice we made led to a consequence of crumbling. Finally, there are those times that there just doesn't seem to be an explanation. We have done the right things, been in the right places, prayed the right prayers and yet here we sit.<br />
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For the last few weeks, I have been sitting in a pile of blocks. After we discovered that "The Nuisance" had returned and then we discovered that there was even more spots than we knew about I once again felt as if some big ole bully had come and kicked down the blocks of my life. With sadness I watched my boys faces fall when we told them we were back on the battlefield. With fear I grieved over the potential collapse of my health. With disappointment I wrestled with the losing the strength I have been rebuilding for the past six years. With anger I understood that this destruction is taking place just when my boys are at such a critical turning point with graduation in May and college in August and will have a great cost. Just like that kid in kindergarten I have felt angry, I have cried, and I have SO wanted to just take my blocks and go home!<br />
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You know the feeling because you have been there too. It isn't just cancer that brings about destruction on either a large or small scale. Remember how you felt it when you watched as your child was struggling in school or didn't make the team? Oh, and that time that you REALLY wanted that job but it didn't work out? Yes, you felt it then as well. Then there was that time that your relationship was on the rocks. Everything you two had been working for began to crumble. You DEFINITELY felt it then. You know how I feel because at different times in life you have been sitting in a pile of rubble too. You felt angry, or sad, or disappointed, or afraid, or all of the above! Because we all will. In our lives, probably multiple times, something will come along to knock down our blocks. It has been happening since the beginning of time. (Thanks Adam and Eve. Just kidding, if it hadn't of been you it would have been me!) So what do we do?<br />
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For the past couple of weeks I have been desperately wanting to get to rebuilding, but I was STRUGGLING!!!! HARD!!!! I tried to mask the level of my despair, but I am going to be fully transparent here, I wasn't okay. My faith has never been stronger, yet I have rarely felt weaker. There have been moments when I have been scrambling to figure out what I can do to fix things. There have been times I have sat alone and cried, not wanting anyone to see my tears. I began to realize that I was seeking my building plans in books, and blogs, and doctors when that was not where they are. So I turned to the Master Builder and he began to remind me of some important truths through a story captured in the Bible in Nehemiah chapter 4.<br />
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<b>In our rebuilding, we will experience ebbs and flows in our strength and courage. We must constantly remember where our strength comes from.</b><br />
Nehemiah was a man who was responsible for leading the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem. The walls of that great city had been destroyed, but Nehemiah had been called by God to lead the Jews to rebuild. As he did so the Jewish people experienced many emotions. In the beginning they worked with all of their hearts (Nehemiah 4:6) and they made progress. But as they continued to work they felt their strength fail. <i>"There is so much rubble that we cannot build the wall.</i>" (vs 6). They became overwhelmed by the immensity of the task at hand. As we begin the process of picking up our own pieces we have to remember that there will be moments when we feel inspired and courageous and there will be other times that we can barely shoulder the load. When you and I are weak it is to our benefit to remember that God is not and that "<i>he is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine."</i> (Ephesians 3:20) Our strength will ebb and flow, but His does not.<br />
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<b>There will be times that we experience fear and must remind ourselves who fights for us.</b><br />
The Jewish people rebuilding the walls had moments of great fear where the outside forces seemed too powerful. They had received direct threats and were overwhelmed with fear of their enemies attacking (vs 10-12). You and I have an enemy that LOVES to attack when we are weak. He feeds off our fear. (OHHH that makes me so MAD!!!!!) In those times we must "<i>Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome and fight ..</i>.<i>for your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes" (vs 14). </i>When we are under attack and afraid it is more important than ever to remember the awesomeness of our God, THEN we can be ready to fight. And fight we must-- for our spouse, our children, our homes. We don't just do it for ourselves, we do it for those we love.<br />
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<b>We cannot rebuild our lives on our own. We need people to stand in the gap for us.</b><br />
Nehemiah recognized that the rebuilding of the wall could only be completed if there were people standing in the gaps while the laborers worked. He made sure that half of the men did the work of rebuilding while the other half posted themselves in the gaps and behind the workers with weapons at the ready. With that security in place, the workers could do their thing. (vs. 16-17) You and I need that, too! This week I finally broke down with a dear friend who reminded me I couldn't do this alone. I do not like for my family to be afraid or worried. I do not like my friends to feel like they have to carry me. If you have read much of my stuff or know me in real life then you know I like to do it myself and protect others. That isn't okay. Once I set that down and let people see my gaps they eagerly stepped in armed with the power of prayer. I felt the warriors line up behind me and almost immediately I felt a very literal weight come off my chest. God did not intend for us to do life alone. I need you. You need me. We must stand in the gaps for one another if we are going to succeed at rebuilding.<br />
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<b>While we rebuild we need to stay alert. </b><br />
When we begin to feel the fear reside a little and our strength returning it is very easy to fall back into the work of rebuilding and shift our focus but we have to stay alert for unexpected attacks by the enemy. About the time we think we are safe that enemy will pull a sneak attack. So while we rebuild we need to stay armed. <i>"Those who carried materials did their work with one hand and held a weapon in the other, and each of the builders wore his sword at his side as he worked." </i> (vs. 17). How do we arm ourselves? Psalm 28:7 says, "<i>The Lord is my strength and my shield</i>." If He is our shield then we must stay behind him. We must <i>follow </i>him. In order for a shield to provide any protection, it must be out in front. As soon as we creep ahead on our own we are outside his protective covering. That is a dangerous place to be. I finalized realized that in the last few weeks I have been moving out ahead of him trying to figure out the best way to heal myself. Truth is, I can't. HE is my healer. HE is our protector. HE is the source of our strength. We arm ourselves as described in Ephesians 16:10-18 "<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><span class="text Eph-6-10" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">Finally, be strong in the Lord<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29348A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29348A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> and in his mighty power.</span><span class="text Eph-6-11" id="en-NIV-29349" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>Put on the full armor of God,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29349C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29349C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Eph-6-12" id="en-NIV-29350" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29350D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29350D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> but against the rulers, against the authorities,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29350E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29350E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> against the powers<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29350F" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29350F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.</span><span class="text Eph-6-13" id="en-NIV-29351" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>Therefore put on the full armor of God,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29351H" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29351H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.</span><span class="text Eph-6-14" id="en-NIV-29352" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29352I" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29352I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> with the breastplate of righteousness in place,</span><span class="text Eph-6-15" id="en-NIV-29353" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.</span><span class="text Eph-6-16" id="en-NIV-29354" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29354L" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29354L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29354M" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29354M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Eph-6-17" id="en-NIV-29355" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">Take the helmet of salvation<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29355N" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29355N" title="See cross-reference N">N</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> and the sword of the Spirit,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29355O" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29355O" title="See cross-reference O">O</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> which is the word of God. </span></i></span><i style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b>A</b>nd pray in the Spirit<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29356Q" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29356Q" title="See cross-reference Q">Q</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> on all occasions<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29356R" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29356R" title="See cross-reference R">R</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> with all kinds of prayers and requests.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29356S" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29356S" title="See cross-reference S">S</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29356T" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29356T" title="See cross-reference T">T</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> for all the Lord’s people." </i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> As we begin to rebuild we arm ourselves and stay alert. We aren't fighting a physical battle even though it may feel this way. This is spiritual warfare. Stay on guard. </span><br />
<i style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></i> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>REMEMBER who fights for us.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Rebuilding is hard work. It will have emotional, physical, and spiritual ups and downs, but "<i>Our God will fight for us.</i>" (vs 20) That is where our hope comes from. I can give testimony to the fact that each time I thought things were impossible He has stepped in and proven that impossible for me is not impossible for him. He is so faithful yet in our human weakness we are quick to forget that. REMEMBER!!!! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span> <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>Keep Working</b></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">When things in our lives have been knocked down it is okay to sit there for a minute and cry. It is okay to be angry and hurt. It is okay to question. All of those emotions we experience are valid and we shouldn't feel ashamed or wrong to have them. We should tell God about it. We can tell him about our hurt. We can be honest about our anger. He is big enough to hear our worry and fear. And after we have taken that moment to feel and to pray, we remember the first few words of Nehemiah 4:21, "</span><i style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">So we continued the work...</i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">" Satan would love nothing more than to leave us in our rubble. He would like nothing more than to win. But he forgets who fights for us. So we take a deep breath and remind ourselves</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> that God will fight for us. We step back behind God's shield and</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> call our warriors to stand in the gap for us. We bend down and pick up our weapons, wipe off the tears and continue the work. </span><br />
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I remember back to those days in the block pile of my childhood. Nothing made me angrier than a bully. I would stand up to them on my behalf and I would stand up to them on the behalf of others. Right now I am facing a bully I call "The Nuisance". I have cried and I have mourned. I have worried and been afraid, and while my walls may experience a little crumbling as I go I WILL NOT let it tear me down because God fights for me ---when I get out of his way and let him. Now it is time for the season of rebuilding. Is it time for you as well? Are you reading this from your own pile of rubble? Have you been crying, angry and just ready to take your blocks and go home? Don't give in to that. Come on. I will stand in your gap and you can stand in mine.<br />
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<br />Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-54810738009473410962019-03-09T20:26:00.000-08:002019-06-27T17:03:28.245-07:00Why Are You So Afraid?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeM0ghuQqE-MU5mKIQw2LUQ2vaKF-W10IHSb4SDWPkH6Lj6GPoP3wKIe6SIwgyebSacbDM53TBkTjRFxOi9Ss5hkcRny-KVcM8DAsS9-Jrd4y3QUt8OKE5KbamF9eHVGN0UQbg9bw3ciE/s1600/Afraid" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="919" data-original-width="1600" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeM0ghuQqE-MU5mKIQw2LUQ2vaKF-W10IHSb4SDWPkH6Lj6GPoP3wKIe6SIwgyebSacbDM53TBkTjRFxOi9Ss5hkcRny-KVcM8DAsS9-Jrd4y3QUt8OKE5KbamF9eHVGN0UQbg9bw3ciE/s320/Afraid" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sometimes it is just hard. I wish that every day of my life I moved forward with the confidence and faith that would make God proud of me, but some days it is just harder than others. I don't always know which days will be the tough ones. Occasionally they just sneak up on me. I guess I am feeling that way a little today. We have been at MD Anderson this week. I had a biopsy on Thursday to do some genetic testing on the Nuisance. It will take a few weeks to get information back. Friday we saw my surgeon who helped us compare my most recent scans to those of 18 months ago. It was visibly evident that about six (which I thought were only three) places have been growing. Not crazy growth. Just growth. We rationally sat and discussed further the possible options for treatment. Surgery. Trials. Chemo. Nothing. There were no tears, no emotional reactions, just facts and questions. After some discussion, it was decided that he would present my case to a board of doctors to get their input into our next steps. More waiting. We loaded up and headed home.</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am not sure why, but today was a tougher day. The doubts and fears have been scratching at my heart. I have felt a lump in my throat and have found myself worrying over decisions that I don't have to make today. I have felt caught in a bit of a storm of emotion. I learned a long time ago that when I feel myself sinking it is important for me to regain my focus. Several years ago I marked my Bible with all the passages I could find of God's promises and his healing so I could quickly be reminded of God's faithfulness. As I began to read I was reminded of this story.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbWOn1-Ix-RAkmnmoi_mhsHCw3K63EdX27-pBTKXAVDPGmHmZF_YbWN0aCzZUIG80aDVwYxTGnAf3ZYGcKBMP3egotaVQ_-9h_vEG4jay6a0BHvBo7BI_UbjGDzEsA-k2IjYDoxEC9ftE/s1600/Bible" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbWOn1-Ix-RAkmnmoi_mhsHCw3K63EdX27-pBTKXAVDPGmHmZF_YbWN0aCzZUIG80aDVwYxTGnAf3ZYGcKBMP3egotaVQ_-9h_vEG4jay6a0BHvBo7BI_UbjGDzEsA-k2IjYDoxEC9ftE/s320/Bible" width="240" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"><span id="verse-35" style="box-sizing: border-box;">"That day when evening came, he (Jesus) said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.”</span> </span><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"> <span id="verse-36" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him.</span> </span><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"> <span id="verse-37" style="box-sizing: border-box;">A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped.</span> </span><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"> <span id="verse-38" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”</span> </span><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"> <span id="verse-39" style="box-sizing: border-box;">He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.</span> </span><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"> <span id="verse-40" style="box-sizing: border-box;">He said to his disciples, <b><u>“Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”</u></b></span><b><u> </u></b></span></i><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"><i> </i><span id="verse-41" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><i>They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”</i> Mark 4:35-41</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">Why are you so afraid? Do you <b>STILL </b>have no faith? That phrase hit me in the face like a cold splash of water. After all that I have seen him do how can I still have no faith in him to deliver me? I have seen him provide, I have seen him heal, I have seen him fulfill. Yes, there is a storm, but I have seen him walk on water in those! Today my fears led me to hysterically cry out in my mind, "Teacher, don't you care if I drown?!" I have focused on the cells in my body that are misbehaving, blinding me to the fact that over 3 trillion are highly functioning and healthy. Fears have whispered, "Do you remember all those days you felt really lousy during chemo and surgery?" causing me to forget that in the past six years I have had over 2000 days of PERFECT health. Today I have had moments where I thought the waves would sweep right over my little boat when I just needed to get my eyes back on the one who can rebuke the waves. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">I feel like a kindred spirit to Paul (2 Corinthians 12: 5-10 NLT). I have a thorn in my side. I have prayed for God to remove it and like Paul, the thorn remains, but I am reminded "My (God's) grace is all you need. My (God's) power works best in weakness." Last year when I had a recurrence God gave me the beautiful phrase <a href="http://itzadoozie.blogspot.com/2018/02/fearlessly-dependent-on-one-who-makes.html">Fearlessly Dependent on the One Who Makes Me Brave</a>. I am not fearless today, but all I don't have to be. I only have to be fearlessly dependent. His power is most evident in my weakness. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">So I will take my seat back in the boat. I will get my eyes off the storm and get them back on the master of the seas. If even the wind and waves obey him, then I can trust him with the storm in me! (AND YOU CAN, TOO!)</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="verse" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; display: inline; outline: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></span>
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<li class="first" style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 0px;"><i>When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,<br />When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,<br />Count your many blessings, name them one by one,<br />And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.</i><ul style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="refrain" style="list-style-type: none; margin-left: 20px; margin-top: 1em;"><i><span class="refrain">Refrain:</span><br />Count your blessings, name them one by one,<br />Count your blessings, see what God has done!<br />Count your blessings, name them one by one,<br />*Count your many blessings, see what God has done.<br />[*And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.]</i></li>
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<li style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;"><i>Are you ever burdened with a load of care?<br />Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?<br />Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,<br />And you will keep singing as the days go by.</i></li>
<li style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;"><i>When you look at others with their lands and gold,<br />Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;<br />Count your many blessings—*money cannot buy<br />Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.</i></li>
<li style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;"><i>So, amid the conflict whether great or small,<br />Do not be discouraged, God is over all;<br />Count your many blessings, angels will attend,<br />Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.</i></li>
<li style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;"><i>Johnson Oatman, Jr. 1897</i></li>
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Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-85548776489823644512019-03-03T18:39:00.000-08:002019-06-27T17:03:43.565-07:00Pilot or Passenger?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: 11pt;">The sky was blue, the sun was shining, a rolling blanket of clouds hid the ground below. By all accounts, it was a beautiful day. The path ahead appeared clear and bright. As the plane moved closer to the destination it began to descend deep into the clouds. Suddenly all clarity was gone. The sun was hidden and so was the earth. It became disorienting and a little bumpy. The passengers squirmed in their seats their knuckles white as they grabbed the arms of their chairs. Some gasped as the aircraft bounced through the clouds. Visibility was low and the ground was hidden and yet...</span></i><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
<br />Ever had a day like that? Things are bright, the future seems clear when suddenly you drop into the clouds of uncertainty. You find yourself disoriented in a life that moments earlier had seemed perfectly predictable. The smooth ride becomes bumpy and the view of the future is obstructed by circumstances beyond your control. You cling to whatever you can to restore a sense of safety as your heart cries for security. It is impossible to determine what lies ahead and yet...<br />
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<i>...the pilot was certain of the destination even though at the moment he could not see it. He relied on insight, skills, and knowledge to safely land the plane at just the right destination and in just the right time. He accessed resources the passengers of the plane lacked. He had faith in spite of his circumstances because he could hear the voice of an air controller in his ear, guiding him to safety. He saw the instruments on his panel that kept him from becoming disoriented. He might not be able to see where he was going but he knew where he would land. He stayed the course laid out by the traffic controller, studied his instruments, and soon ground appeared below and he safely touched down.</i><br />
<br />...we can be certain that what we cannot see is only temporarily hidden. Like the airplane pilot listens to the traffic controller, we can find safety in listening to the voice of God as He helps us safely maneuver the storms of life. We have access to the instruments of the Bible and prayer to help us keep our bearings. We may not know where we are going but we know where we will land. In time we will break through the clouds and once again see safety below.<br />
<br />“<i>We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!” </i>1 Corinthians 13:12 (MSG)<br />
<br />It is a certainty that our lives will be a blend of good and bad times, sunshine and storms. How we navigate those storms is dependent upon our choices. Will we be passengers or will we be pilots? The passengers fly blindly through life, tossed by every trial. There is no voice to guide them, no instrument of hope to remind them they are secure. Pilots, on the other hand, remain focused on the voice that guides them and are able to navigate through the same storms with different levels of confidence.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I don’t know where your journey is leading you this week. I hope that the path is clear and bright, but if it is not, I hope that you will be like the pilot. Listen for the voice that guides you, check your instruments (Bible and prayer) and trust that while the path may be bumpy you are being led towards a safe landing.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rodney and I will head to MD Anderson this week. I will meet for pre-op and labs on Wednesday, have the biopsy on Thursday, see my surgeon on Friday and head home. Please pray that the biopsy helps us have clarity on next steps. It will probably be 4-6 weeks before all the genetics are available. Honestly, I am at a bit of a loss on what to prayer for (besides miraculous healing, duh), but here is one of the verses I love: </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">” Romans 8:26-27 </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am so grateful that when I am speechless the Holy Spirit intercedes for me. Wow, what a gift that is! I know he has a plan. I know he has a purpose. </span>Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-48350977342832480092019-02-17T18:12:00.002-08:002019-06-27T17:04:24.374-07:00A Bed of Roses<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU_rqlausJyGXIH2vVulPf0nblVCYgJII40aO84A0x1OlQURe9FrIrjVAiLokwblfSPJAU1uW_KPUQYR0a-6TLl4DEEhUu3on5MtiggrO9kGRtmuQtYG1Wc3cIV1lGoDwtX_0C-HvFNro/s1600/thorn+bush.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1504" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU_rqlausJyGXIH2vVulPf0nblVCYgJII40aO84A0x1OlQURe9FrIrjVAiLokwblfSPJAU1uW_KPUQYR0a-6TLl4DEEhUu3on5MtiggrO9kGRtmuQtYG1Wc3cIV1lGoDwtX_0C-HvFNro/s320/thorn+bush.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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A few weeks ago while on our way to MD Anderson, this rose bush caught my eye. Actually, it was more of a thorn bush with a few sporadic roses sprinkled about. The stark beauty caught my attention and I made Rodney stop so that I could grab a picture. The contrast between the "dead", thorny bushes and the bright red flowers had its own kind of beauty that I couldn't help but capture.</div>
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If you're reading this there is a good chance that you already know that on that trip we didn't get the news we hopefully expected. Rather than finding out that "The Nuisance" was stable and unremarkable, we were told that there had been some growth in spots and that a new spot was observed. We were crushed. We have a lot of unknowns before us and so many decisions that we cannot even begin to make at this time. Many of you have joined us in saying, "<a href="http://itzadoozie.blogspot.com/2019/02/phooey-phooey-phooey-phooey-phooey.html">Phooey</a>" and we cannot tell you how grateful we are for the love, encouragement, and prayers that you have poured on our family. Your cards, texts, and posts have helped us get our feet back under us and move from an emotionally reactive place to a place where we can process better and think through what the best next steps will look like. WE THANK YOU FOR THAT!!</div>
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There are so many things we wish were different. Obviously, we'd love to never have to face this again. We worry about the boys in their senior year, about the side effects of possible trials, about the cost of traveling frequently to Houston, about the future, about...., about..., about..., the list goes on an on. If we aren't careful it is easy to be swamped with those thoughts. It would be easy to say, "This isn't fair. We've already done this...TWICE." It would be simple to think "Why us? Why now?" or "We are pretty good folks, why does this happen?" And then I am reminded of the bush.</div>
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You see, often when trials come we feel like the bad things are unfair. We tend to have a view that life is supposed to be a bed of roses and that the thorns should be few and far between. We believe that the roses are the dominant part of life when the truth is just the opposite. Life is not a bed of roses. Life is a bed of thorns and the goodness of God allows roses to grow in in the midst of the thorns of life. Now before you think that is a pessimistic view (because I am anything but a pessimist) consider these thoughts. </div>
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You and I live in a BROKEN world. Sometimes the thorns in our lives happen because of the bad things we or others have done, sometimes they happen because of external things in the world around us. And sometimes they just happen. John 13:33 says, "In this world, you will have trouble." That is the norm. That is what we can expect. That is the bed of thorns we live in, but the beauty comes in the second part of that passage and says, " But TAKE HEART!!! I have overcome the world!" There is the rose! I am going to have trouble. It is a given. Today it is the Nuisance but it could easily be something else. The shock is not that it happens. We are promised there will be trouble. The shock is the beautiful things that grow in the midst of the thorns. I have to be honest if I got what I really deserved it wouldn't be the blossom. I am a hot mess, living in a fallen world. I deserve the thorns, but because of God's love for me, he doesn't give me what I deserve. In fact, his son Jesus wore my thorns upon his brow so that I could see the roses. That is the most beautiful gift in the world. He didn't deserve the thorns, he deserved the roses. And yet he bore the thorns for me. When I consider that I cannot say that this isn't fair. All I can say is THANK YOU that in this bed of thorns I can count on God to show me roses. </div>
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The bushes also remind me about the power of perspective. When the trials come, what do we focus on? We have a decision, and it is truly a conscious decision to make, do we focus on the roses or the thorns? Some people in our world see only the hard, thorny, rough pieces of their lives. Oh, how they miss out on the beauty that exists. The roses are there, but you have to be willing to see them. Once you begin to watch for them you will notice them everywhere. And then an amazing thing happens. The thorns do not go away, those rough branches and sharp edges are still a reality of life, but they become completely overshadowed by the roses. And as the roses overpower the thorns life begins to change (there is the optimist in me!). It changes for you, for your family, for your friends, for your community and in our world. I find that incredible.<br />
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So I will be honest. We wish this thorn didn't exist and that we had answers to all our questions. I know you wish the same in your current lives, but we claim this verse:</div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven into despair, persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed." </span>2 Corinthians 4:8-9</div>
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Life is a big ole bed of thorns, but THANK GOD for the roses!!!!!</div>
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Update:</div>
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Thanks so much to those of you who are praying for us. So many of you have asked how you can help us and really right now we need only one thing -- prayers for information and clarity. We are trying to gather all the facts to help guide our decisions. The radiology report we received mentioned growth and a new spot but did not provide much detail on where, how many, how much. I will not move a muscle until I have that information. When dealing with a chronic disease one has to plot moves carefully. There are only so many surgeries, radiations, chemo, etc. that I can have over the course of my life. We are grateful that there may be some new options to add to our list of options and we also want to use each one at just the right moment. Please pray that we are able to get better information on what we are actually dealing with and the urgency (or hopeful lack thereof) of the need for treatment. If we can coast awhile we want to coast. Pray that once we are armed with that information that we know what the next steps should be and when. </div>
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<br />Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-51683652153678917982019-02-03T18:31:00.002-08:002019-06-27T17:04:06.400-07:00Surrenders<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So this year my word has been "Changed". I picked it because changed is what I want to be. I committed to being changed spiritually, physically, and financially. I picked it because change is what I expected with the boys being seniors and going to college in the fall. I picked it because the change specific in their lives means my relationship with my husband will be changed; my roles at church will be changed; my weekly schedule will be changed. I picked it because I eagerly anticipated that my life would be changed. Little did I know...the changes I was anticipating are not the only ones I will face. I am coming to terms with the fact that part of being changed this year will involve The Nuisance. (May I say again, PHOOEY!)<br />
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It takes some time for your brain to catch up with your body when you get news like that. It is a lot to process. God begins to use people to whisper encouragement, he sends music to remind you of his love, he places images in your mind and in the environment to paint a picture of his presence. And today, he used Surrenders.<br />
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Part of my being "Changed" has been working out. Today I hit 36 days in a row (Hang with me--- there is a point to this story). I even kept my body moving in the past few tough days --- part of needing to feel normal and in control of something. One of the exercises that I have been dong is a device of TORTURE called Surrenders. To perform surrenders you hold weights at shoulder level and drop to the right knee, then left so you are kneeling. From the kneeling position, you lift your right foot up and place it in front of yourself and press up to come to a standing position. You repeat this for 60 seconds and then repeat on the other side. It is BRUTAL! The first few times I did it my legs quivered like crazy. There was no stinkin' way that I could do it with weights. I didn't make it through the first 60 seconds. I thought I was going to have to crawl out of the basement because my legs were noodles. But now I am beginning to notice new strength. I am able to get through the full round (and even walk upright out of the basement!! LOL) I have even upped my weights. While surrenders are still not a delight I am getting stronger. That really spoke to me today.<br />
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Sometimes life is a bit brutal. It can swiftly remind us of our weakness. It can cause us to tremble and feel like we cannot rise to continue on. It can make us feel like we have no strength, no power, no perseverance. BUT here is what I was reminded of --- strength is built through acts of surrender. When confronted with our weakness we must kneel. We surrender to the ONE who builds our strength. We bring him everything we have and we lay it at his feet and when we've done that, we muster our strength (that comes from Him) and get up and get to the challenge ahead. The more we repeat that process the stronger we become. Surrender. Stand. Repeat. Surrender. Stand. Repeat. Surrender. Stand. Repeat.<br />
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Surrender is the point where we let go. It is the place that we kneel before our deliverer and let him pour strength into us. It is the point where we think we can't, but fully trust that HE CAN. <i>"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." </i> James 4:10 Strength is built through surrender.<br />
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This year I will be changed. Some changes will be welcomed, some will be imposed. I only know one way through. Surrender. Stand. Repeat. Want to be my workout buddy?<br />
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<i>Love y'all. Thanks so much for the sweet words you have shared with me and mine in the past few tough days. We know there are more ahead and are so grateful that we are not ever alone. I pray that God uses each of us to make the world a better place every day! You have certainly done that for me!</i><br />
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Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-66587822598236141592019-02-01T18:37:00.001-08:002019-06-27T17:04:44.856-07:00Swinging Between Fear and FaithPhooey! Phooey! PHOOEY, PHOOEY, PHOOEY!!!!! Sometimes you just have to be real and say PHOOEY!!!! I am in one of those moments. This week we traveled to MD Anderson for my check-ups -- bloodwork, scans and a little bit of wait and see. I wish I could say, "IT WAS AWESOME", but all I have at the moment is PHHHOOOOEEEEYYYYY!!!! (Okay, there may be a "Well, CRAP" in there, too. Just sayin'...) Unfortunately, The Nuisance is not stable and unremarkable as we always hope. Multiple spots have shown growth since my scans three months ago. PHOOEY!!!! PHOOEY, PHOOEY, PHOOEY!!!!!!!<br />
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We have a million unknowns in front of us. I have to be honest and tell you that I am hanging between faith and fear right this second. I know that like monkey bars I have to let go of one to grab the other. I KNOW that God has this. I KNOW that He will provide like He always does. I KNOW that I will see beautiful things that will forever change me, but right now I seem paralyzed by the things I DON'T know. I will win that fight between faith and fear, bet on that with everything you have, but man, it is a struggle.<br />
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Here is what we know and don't know. We KNOW that they want me back in a few weeks to be a part of a trial in which they will take a tissue sample in order to do some genetic testing. This has just recently been approved in the thymoma world. If there is a specific mutation (something called a driver cell????? one of the things I DON'T know much about) then they can treat it with a medication that is a genetic match. This is new and not without risks, but it is promising at the same time. It will take some time to get the genetic testing done so it may be a few weeks before we know if I am a match. (<i>I do have to laugh that in the past I've asked you to pray that I am stable and unremarkable and now I am praying I am a certain kind of mutant. Oh, the humor of it all!</i>) We KNOW that if I am a match that they will start me on a pill which would be convenient. We DO NOT KNOW how long, what side effects are at risk or really much of anything else except that it is a shot, another option for my arsenal.<br />
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We KNOW that if that doesn't pan out that they'd like me to be in another trial for immunotherapy. This is all pretty new to Thymoma as well. There are risks of course and it may or may not work, but it is another new shot. One of the biggest I DON'T KNOWS is that this particular treatment would require me to travel to Houston every three weeks. I DON'T HAVE ANY CLUE HOW THAT CAN HAPPEN. That is one that has me clinging to fear like crazy right this second. My family, senior boys, time, money, work, and life are all shouting in my head THAT ISN'T POSSIBLE, but that, fortunately, is followed by a whisper that says, "You've said that before..." to which I humbly hang my head and say, "I KNOW."<br />
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I wish I was at a pretty place where I knew all the answers, but right now I am a bit frozen on the fear of I DON'T KNOW. I don't want to be here again. I don't want to do this. I had different plans for senior year. I am scared, worried, sad, and completely overwhelmed yet<span style="font-size: large;"> loved, blessed, certain, and confident that this battle is already won</span>. I wish that meant it wouldn't be a struggle, but it will be. I know.<br />
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We'd love your prayers. WE KNOW they make a difference. WE KNOW our God is faithful. WE KNOW he will provide. WE KNOW that he has plans that will amaze us all! WE KNOW!<br />
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Thanks for letting me yell PHOOEY for a bit. Thanks for letting me be afraid. I'm feeling a little stronger now, think it is time to start swinging and grab that bar of faith! It can hold me. I KNOW!<br />
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<br />Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6350616989202627016.post-33924024199913277582018-10-14T19:10:00.002-07:002019-06-27T17:05:02.678-07:00Power in Perseverance<br />
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Butterfly migration is an amazing thing. These delicate, seemingly weightless creatures fly up to 3,000 miles from as far as Canada to reach their winter destination in Mexico. This weekend I got to witness hundreds of them making their pilgrimages across the state as I traveled the backroads of Texas. I became fascinated by their fortitude.<br />
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To watch them you would think butterflies are at the mercies of the winds, blown from place to place as they flit about. They do not fly with the determination of geese or the soar on powerful wings like an eagle. That they make it even a mile seems nothing short of miraculous. How many times must they flap their fragile wings to complete their journey? What motivates them to keep moving forward? How do they trust that what they cannot see will be worth the effort? There are many similarities between life and butterflies.<br />
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How many times do you feel tossed by the winds as you journey through life? You don't seem to have the power of those soaring above you and you can't hear the sounds of encouragement coming from those behind. You flit, you flail, and you flutter as you try to move forward. Troubles come and send you reeling out of control. You feel weak and powerless, but that is not the truth. The truth is you are miraculous. You are beautiful. Your power is not in your strength, it is in your perseverance. It is easy to fly when you are strong, but it is amazing to keep flying when you are frail. You may not know where you are going right now, but you will definitely know when you get there. You are furiously flapping at the moment, but it is just a season. When that season passes it will be followed by another of rest. It is just around the bend, do not give up! There is a purpose in your pilgrimage and it is for your good. You only have to do one thing--- just keep moving your wings! Hope awaits!<br />
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<i>"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 20:11</i></div>
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Anna Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09155451194637654374noreply@blogger.com0