Saturday, April 5, 2014
I Can't Wait Syndrome
I think most of you know by now that we got great news when we went to MD Anderson last week. Scans revealed that there are no new growths, the spot on my diaphragm hasn't grown, and the spot on the left side of my chest appeared smaller! What amazing news. I cannot begin to tell you how our hearts danced when we heard that report! God is so good! We go back in July to go through the process all over again. It looks like life will be lived in chapters of waiting, so the question stands, how do we live in the periods of waiting?
I've been thinking about that and realize that we are all really playing a waiting game. We can't wait until we get out of high school, then we can't wait to get out of college. We can't wait until we get a new job and we can't wait until we get married. We can't wait to have children and we can't wait until they get out of diapers. And on and on we live, waiting for the next big life change and slowly (or sometimes way too fast) life slips through our fingers, while we "can't wait". I have to tell you my perspective on "can't wait" has been sharply twisted into "oh yes I can" this past year. I have learned to keep my eyes on today and not stay frantically focused on the things that I "can't wait" for! (My daddy would tell you that that is a pretty big lesson for this little impatient girl!)
When all of this first began, waiting an for the next doctor appointment, a week for lab results, two weeks for biopsies was brutal. I would cry and ache over the waiting, honestly feeling as though the waiting was killing me. Waiting rooms made me bounce my leg anxiously and wiggle in my chair, constantly looking at my watch and wishing they'd go ahead and call me back. I had to have answers. I couldn't wait. Then one day I looked down and realized that I had stopped wearing a watch. I didn't even notice it happen, but somewhere along the way I relaxed into the waiting. The meaning of time changed and it was no longer something I strained against, but something that I eased into with a recognition that it just is as it is so I might as well stop trying to push it. I learned that rushing it was making me lose it and time is way to precious to lose. I learned that the moment is what matters and how we use them, but that lesson only came when I shifted my focus from my problems to my deliverer. So now I wait on one thing, "We wait in hope for the Lord. He helps us. He is like a shield that keeps us safe. Our hearts are full of joy because of him. We trust in him, because he is holy. Lord, may your faithful love rest on us. We put our hope in you." Psalm 33:20-22 (NIRV). When we stop saying, "I can't wait until...." and start saying, "I am just waiting in hope for the LORD" we can trust he will help us. We can live lives of joy. We get to have his faithful love. How much better is that?!?
What are you missing because you can't wait? What is happening around you right this minute that you aren't noticing because you are anxiously awaiting something in the future? What anxiety are you experiencing because you are problem solving something that hasn't happened yet? I Can't Wait Syndrome may be robbing you of the joy and faithful love of today. It may be time to take off your watch.